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Hard work! What is it good for?

April 19, 2008 – 1:32 pm

Come on Girls, You Better Work! Thanks Katie@!

Well, well, little miss I hate doing anything that expends energy. Speaking to myself of course. I used to be so efficient (umm lazy), so much so that when I went to take in the laundry from the laundromat I would nearly kill myself my carrying two 30 lbs bags up the stairs just so I wouldn’t have to go up and down again. Awake again from a life coma, I know that hard work is in order to claim what I want in life. If I want to manifest things in my life like being 112 lbs, writing an e-book for ending depression, making more than enough money than I will ever need and finding a fabulous guy to date and eventually marry, I have to do the leg work. Manifesting takes many angles. One, is the affirmative thought one has the goal attained with belief. Another the feeling(s) you have as if the goal is achieved and doing the leg work by changing thinking and behavior to meet the universe more than halfway to reach said goal. Finally the trickiest part, the ability to let go of control, give up the result (No feeling like you will die if you don’t accomplish or attain) and be patient.

All those things I have been able to do rather unconsciously and others times really push through and sometimes give up when the going got to “hard”. Now my mind set is clearer and stopping on my journey is not an option. Knowing what I want helps a great deal, still fuzzy on some stuff but over all have a better idea now more than ever. My mind and body fight me at times but my Spirit says I am Already There. The great thing about Spirit is that it knows no obstacle or resistance. Us humans have that luxury. After working out to a brutal Killian Michaels workout today and reading T. Have Eker is that, being fully committed to a goal be it fitness, love, money, adding contribution to the world, ________ fill in the blank, takes effort. That doesn’t mean you won’t have somethings fall on your lap but for the most part the doing creates the accomplishment. The belief or the knowing that it already IS, is just the visual your mind and body need to believe Spirit when it says It is already So!

As I kick myself and love myself, I ask do I have what it takes to do the hard work? Do I want these goals bad enough to challenge the status quo, without the easy, fries with that shake? How about you, you may work at a job that you hate because its easy. Do you avoid dating because someone may actually challenge your thinking or mirror yourself? Or hey maybe they will love the way you laugh and you have to deal with that?

Do you really think your gonna win the lotto if you don’t get off the couch and drive so far away to the 7-11 and purchase one. Neither is sitting on the couch and wishing for the inches to disappear while watching the Biggest Loser. I know, I tried and it didn’t work. *Tear* I guess I am working out to be steamy hot. At least I am stronger, faster and I have the technology to manifest again and again. :)

I hope I have stirred within that makes you say to yourself, Go Big or Go Home!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Jennifer | Life: The game, Living Abundantly, inspiration, metaphysics, spirit lesson, transformation | Comments (0)

Depression: The Final Frontier to Freedom

April 15, 2008 – 12:51 am

Thank you teacherafael for the changes in the skyMy life is a complete blessing even during the times that totally suck. My thanksgiving has been a process. My previous life, as I would call it, was one without always being thankful for the hard and the ugly. I am generally optimistic but when I have had major depressive episodes I can’t say that I felt that life was worth living and I felt good about being me. Those were the days that made me not want to get up in the morning. Those times when I felt I didn’t have a voice, those times when I didn’t “see” or feel that people cared for me and I didn’t care for myself. Man was I on the wrong thinking train! Honestly I am blessed by those trials by fire. The beauty of it all is that I know how strong I am because of my so called “troubles,” They’re the occasional times when I wished for the perfect parent, the perfect “Leave it to Beaver” existence. Times I wished for the ease of a love life were I never got hurt or have money falling down upon me without hard work. I am kidding myself to think I really want it that easy. My poetry mostly drawn from pain or joy of loves I have had in my life, in romance, life and death. I would probably be totally bored and not very wise if I went along without any strife. I know my present and future is full of light as I will make sure of it with my optimism and thought training. I am sure challenges will come up but I know that due to my past darkness I am closer to the light now and will get through the challenges with strength. Freedom is knowing what the bottom looks like. Fears tend to dissipate if you have been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. Freedom is walking toward the happier thought on a cloudy day and knowing you can survive pretty much anything. Human are special creatures, we can survive shark attacks, emotional pains of child abuse. A great example: Dave Pelzer or someone who survived burns and then later became a quadriplegic, the honorable life of W Mitchelle. These humans are extraordinary not for their traumas but for their brains, and strength of thought on how they overcame limits. If they had suffered darkness they didn’t stay long. They live with no fear and I am sure feel freer than most suburban depressives.

I hope you gain freedom without challenges of life. If challenged, I encourage you to be grateful for the lessons or skills learned and to know you are strong and can conquer your inner world.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Jennifer | Life: The game, health, transformation | Comments (0)

Absurity hahahahaha!

April 5, 2008 – 1:36 pm

IT feels so good with bread and furry animals. Wait, she sounds a little too excited maybe she is saying being alive feels good. Who knows? L’Chaim!

Thanks Hera for the “times, similar to the boat times”
Love and Hugs,

Jen

Jennifer | Just for Fun | Comments (1)

I promise to live more . . .

April 2, 2008 – 10:26 pm

Next time I will have a lighter topic but I was floored moments ago as my friend on myspace and his fascination with death and my own morbid curiosity about a story on the gardian.co.uk about Life before Death called to me. The fact my mom has been “dead” for 3 years this summer brought my need to emote what is going on in my heart now. This is one of the most poetic, poignant and heart wrenching photo collections I have seen. My friend blogged about this site and it inspired tears. To see the pain, loneliness and sadness of a life cut short, a life not fully lived and life full of disappointment. It pains me to say that my own experiences with death were dealt with as if something to move on from or circumstance and faith that all is ok for them. Yet I am haunted of my Mom, Nana and others close to my heart on their journey Home and their own feelings that they may have had. Then the realization that you too will be inevitably be one of them and hopefully with more expressed love, less loneliness and more life fully lived at least this go around. Amazed and grateful for the truth of death. This place beyond, so scary for most of us who can not see beyond the darkness. A place where one wishes for butterflies and rainbows and love of unimaginable possibility. To be able to hold and fully take in the person whom you love who has gone over the rainbow bridge would be incredible. Yet even with undying faith and a knowing that there is “something” beyond it never takes the stinging bitters out of the place where love lies inside.

Death is inspiring but will be pitiful if I don’t do all, be all and love all as if everyday was my last breathing moment. Randy Pausch whom I adore and is living and dying of Pancreatic Cancer. Really opitimizes the bittersweetness of life. Unfair or not, purpose from God or cruel joke this man lives and breathes like he means it. This professor of life even before his diagnosis, I believe lived with the grace of life’s truth of living to the fullest. Having great parents and people who molded him into someone that never stopped believing in his life or dreams. For one second to think we have the luxury for self pity or self absorption we are sorely missing the point on why we are here on Earth at all. I feel so much for his wife and children as they even with the beauty of his life will feel that tang of pain that comes with such a loss. I pray that they don’t have to endure the pain but alas even with his survival there there will come a time when they and all of us will be touched by the sharpness of the moment when a loved one passes on. If we are lucky we will have inspired such anguish as a testament and reward of having given all of our love out by the time we leave.

Love always,
Jen

Jennifer | Agape, health, inspiration, soul lesson | Comments (0)

Stability tada!

April 1, 2008 – 11:37 am

Wisdom and Stability by SibleyHunterStability is funny. I look at stability as something one makes for themselves with the people and things they surround themselves with. My own journey to stability has been a process. My childhood was riddled with endless moves, I mean seriously, 18 times before my 18th birthday and I was no Army Brat. I had quite a lot of anxiety as a kid. We never had a lot of money so meals were inventive and filled with Taylor Ham and Mac and Cheese. I was so tense as a kid and had a feeling that we would have a fire and loose everything. I used to wear my clothes to bed in fear I would lose everything and nothing left. Ironic because when I was 12 the shoe dropped again in my life and all I had was what I was wearing when me and my mom were homeless in Florida. Please don’t pity me, even though it was tough and sucky for a kid to go through, I know what I value in life due to these experiences.

As an adult I own very few things possibly because I fear that at any moment I may move or some natural disaster will take it all away. Or really the fact is I know that I own things but they do not own me. I used to be OBSESSED with magazines so much so from about 1991 to 2007 I would take my articles (even those of which I never read) with me from every move. They were like my security blanket of control. I know metaphysically I have control of my life but for much of life I gave my environment and external stuff power to give me a sense of control and stability. Hence we all love rituals and the familiar corner Shop Rite or Dunkin Donuts to make us feel like we are home. Thank God for an Ice coffee with mocha swirl syrup and moo! A reason why I liked Catholicism so much is for its architecture and design for ritual.

Currently I don’t need things to make me feel stable but enjoy them to enhance my life. That is probably why I only own what I can fit into a small bedroom. I will probably be a bohemian vagabond for life even if I have a central home life and responsibilities for the rest of my years. Wanderlust will always be inside me and possessions will just be toys to play with. Shoes! Lets get um!

My life is provided stability by the relationships of love and friendship that I have. No matter what, I know there are a select few that if the ship went down they would go down with me gleefully. Well at least we would be supporting and laughing each other during the trails of the day. I loved my mom and although it was inordinately tough to deal with her, she still gave all the love she had to me and my brother. Our family journey helped me see that stuff really doesn’t matter as much as the people in your life. Mind you I still love paper products known as books and my poetry and journals. I love my Mac and sometimes a fierce pair of shoes but I know I love my loved ones so much more and would give up all my “stuff” if I had too for them.

I hope your own journey of stability brings you back to what truly matters. People, Books, and furry things of course! :)

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Jennifer | Agape, Life: The game, metaphysics, spirit lesson | Comments (0)

What if we Loved ourselves as much as the Divine Loved us?

March 30, 2008 – 7:20 pm

For the love of God! Someone please tell us to love ourselves! Photo by MOPO/NSN997The Divine, Source, God, The Universe, The highest form of energy in existence, Love are all my definitions of God. Bigger than everything that humans can imagine or fathom. I know that God loves everything ever created, larger like a Universe and smaller than a quarks and leptons for all those physics lovers. Love as a bigger concept, not only human love, romantic or even mother/child love but that of the highest vibrational energy within the Universe. This love at a practical and smaller frame of reference is how we treat ourselves, (manifestations of God), and how we treat others (other manifestations of God, People, Things, Matter, Earth, Plants) For our purposes lets keep this discussion around the planet known as Earth. Save the Empire! LOL

To label God limits the Truth of ALL THAT IS. As Kierkegaard stated “If you label me you negate me.” The label emits an idea that gets fixed in the mind as if God HAS TO BE a certain way. In that sense when we label God, Man or Mother/Father we miss all the parts of God we aren’t seeing. This concept is so much more than a man named Jesus if you are so inclined, or a man in the sky that looks at us with love, IT is so much more than a humanistic view. God can not be contained nor should IT. Every person on Earth even those whom people call evil have a piece of God or Spirit in them. Most times those who harm others are just living their ego needs and not seeing the bigger picture where everything one does, thinks, feels effects every person and thing vibrationally. If they really had true knowledge on how Awesome their power to effect is, they might think twice about doing harm.

Perfection is not the goal here or else life would get pretty boring. However, learning and growing not to be in ego and to think from a HIGHER Loving perspective is. By trying to see how we create in the broad and small in our world we can move more into a God-Like existence.

Taking this another step further to self love. I can speak for the many times I do not honor my own self and how I have treated myself poorly. I have treated myself like someone I didn’t like. This is in fact crazy, but many of us do it all the time. Sometimes without a thought and sometimes with intent to harm ourselves. My own journey has taken me from care taker of others, binge eater, self loather and not owning my emotions and likes for fear of rejection. This life is a process and although I am more well adjusted and “healthy” than I have been, life still tests my self love everyday.

As my transformation continutes I hope to inspire or let others know they are never alone!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Jennifer | Agape, Life: The game, health, transformation | Comments (0)

Perfectionism is the devil

March 28, 2008 – 2:11 pm

I say this for a few reasons. It’s not because I believe in a boogie man figure whom pushes me to perfectionism or makes me think I am fat, lazy and a bad person. Personally I don’t believe that blaming outside forces is a good use of my God energy. In addition this blaming puts my personal responsibility for my thoughts or actions on something other than myself, like this figure of negativity.

*Caveat, if you do have voices in your head beside your own I would suggest two things: 1) Seek mental help. I can’t speak for other intuitives but other voices that are not your own shouldn’t be in your head. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel, hear or see guides but it is obviously different than a negative protagonist that speaks to you in a negative way. 2) You may be tuning into lower astral riffraff. This lower energy isn’t really able to harm you however “they” try to confuse which is a part of that energies goal. I For the most part am the causal affect of negative mental noise or self hate. I will do a post later on with more information on psychic attack. You can tell these “voices” are lower energies or your own negative self talk by checking in with your Higher Self and noticing whether the thoughts are of the Agape/Loving thoughts or consistent habitual thought processes that most people have. A good way to change your self talk is to check in and refer to what God/Loving Vibration would say to you about such issues. I am sorry for the tangent and I digress. *

The point of this post is to get you to think about why we are perfectionist and how to change the thinking that makes it so tempting to put all this pressure upon oneself. Mind you this is not a license to not to do your best and give your projects, relationships and life your all. However, letting go of perfectionism will give you a level of peace and help release insecurities of holding the need to be perfect which we all no is impossible.

This devil of perfectionism can be placed in out heads by parental, societal and moral pressures. This can manifest by trying to being Super Woman or Man and taking on more than we can chew as well as not wanting to disappoint people. This can cause self hate when we don’t do or say all of what WE expect others are expecting from us. Most people are in their own world, generally thinking about their own insecurities and only expect things that are from their reference point. Most of the time unless you are intimately relating you will not know their expectations and really you shouldn’t worry about it any way.

That said, quelling perfectionism is an on going process like correcting false ideas about what the “shoulds” are in your life. Please take it down a notch, have fun and live by your own honor code not by someone else’s.

Love and Hugs

Jen

Jennifer | Life: The game, Living Abundantly, work | Comments (2)

Laugh, Cry, & How to not go crazy in this reality.

March 27, 2008 – 8:50 pm

I am an over thinker, not necessarily worrier but I think till the cows, chickens and horses come home. Habitually not always with constructive thoughts. I am also an emotional absorber, an intuitive and generally emotional. I cry at movies, puppies being hurt and cry when I empathize which is all to often. I am also stoic at times as if to protect myself from feeling. For example when I am problem solving, or if I have to much on my plate as if I can’t be concerned with emotions when I need to pay my rent. I will let off steam by crying but or getting angry at myself or an object. Damn you chair, I kill you! LOL I was speaking to a friend recently and it hit me that I still have stuff that I need to deal with. LOL A shocker right?!! I am still human and breathing. LOL Sometimes its easy to forget to check in with myself and ask how am I doing, are those feelings my feelings or are they someone else’s, can I do better next time without the negative self talk?

How do I not go crazy? Sometimes I let the crazy out. I will drive around in my car and scream. Sometimes I dance out my issues or just give myself ME time to cry, think, or just BE! That can be challenging with life and people in it drawing attention away from myself. It is so hard for someone like myself who thrive when people need me. I know it is never selfish to take ME time. Without it one can continue to be lost within themselves and then happiness is always elusive.

Happy Birthday to ME!

On the eve of my 31st birthday I am happy with how far I have come as a human, mistakes and all. I know I have many things I want to do and become and why not start some of them this year. I know for sure my 2008 will include more ME time for myself, even if it’s 10 minutes more a day. Nothing so drastic as everyone in my phone will be deleted. (Sorry friends I will see you when I am done with ME time.) LOL By making my needs important and tuning into my higher self and my ego self so I can give more of who I really am to my loved ones and to life as a whole.

Much love and hugs,

Jen

Jennifer | Life: The game, spirit lesson | Comments (0)

Is technology ruining human interaction?

March 24, 2008 – 9:36 pm

When I walk around it is sometimes shocking to me to see nearly everyone with a device in their ear, be it a cell phone or mp3 player. When I was a kid there weren’t all this stuff to have on our person. If you wanted to hear music someone on the block would have a boom box or you might have a cassette player or gosh forbid the radio. I am not super old but at nearly 31 I am old enough to notice that there may be a disconnect with users now a days. Mind you I love technology and it is a great tool when used properly. I think it is funny how many people now a days instead of talking to someone next to them they are hungrily looking for a new track or checking their email or calling someone who they just spoke with 5 minutes ago but not interact with the world around them. I know there are many people that just hate to be alone with themselves. God forbid one should have a thought of their own as it may say something one needs to hear. I for one enjoy times when there isn’t constant noise from the outside. I then have to deal the noise on the inside and that is work! I think technology has gotten us closer and further away from real interaction. I like the fact I can stay in touch with friends in another country, Hi Bobby!! However I still enjoy hanging out with my peeps or getting to know new peeps in a more intimate way. E-mail and text are not intimate! You can say intimate things on occasion, some that may even get you fired but not real human contact. I bet the tech world would really have human interaction if it had smelly vision. Real life is smelly, funny, gross, sexy and tasty. Isn’t that what life is all about?

Jennifer | inspiration | Comments (3)

Gun shots and truth

March 15, 2008 – 8:57 pm

Very few things scare me, however, last night a guy in my neighborhood was screaming and shooting off about 5 rounds. I pray into the air, but I am not sure. My oh smart roommate, went to the window to see the commotion. That is not the time to be curious. I didn’t go into panic mode but getting her away from windows and making sure our door was locked was a priority. Calling the police was next. It got me thinking and praying about where we are in the world today. Here are some stats via the Department of Justice on gun violence.

In what world does anger justify fire arms? If I was a mother and harm came to my child would that justify it? If I was beaten and abused? If I was protecting myself from an assailant? It’s a strange world we live in where it’s almost common place when gun shots are outside your house and you can go on about your day as if nothing happened. It’s sad. It is difficult when you don’t have control of other people’s harmful behavior. I think it is my job to try my darnedest to be as “God like” as possible. I only have control over my own actions, thoughts and emotions after all. What I put out in the world I get back. It sure isn’t easy when some driver is pissing me off to stay cool and not say the automatic, curse the idiot. I guess the experiment in life is to try to give love and good energy out and when something not so “good” happens try to turn that around in ones mind to find the humor or hope. Not repeating the negative behavior in small and large ways would be good as well. Hope is important to have especially in times that are challenging like these. There is proof there is good in the world and even if there are people who aren’t conscious or thoughtful of others there are many more who are. I am Pollyanna and naive at times, but it’ my hope that we as humans will evolve where violence isn’t as causal as it seems today.

Sending loving kindness to all who have felt negative violent acts in large and small ways today.

Namaste, Love, and Hugs,

Jen

Jennifer | Life: The game, transformation | Comments (1)