Spiritual Endeavor

Disappointment has been one of my soul lessons and personal challenges. In the past, disappointment and feelings that I chose to feel from such experiences lead to massive pain, stalemate and a massive case of victim mentality. Growing up I was a hippy child in a sense; no rules, no challenges to be a good student and not so much as a go brush your teeth before bed. My Mom taught me about the greats, Joe Jackson, Issac Asimov and various spiritualities. Discipline and stick to-it-ness wasn’t in her teaching tool kit. I was not babied but I was hugged a lot. Not sure if my brother would agree on the non babied assessment. I never had my hand held including times when I wish there had been many hands of support, encouragement and kicking my butt. Choir concerts and sexual harassment at school are two examples. So disappointment was a early theme that made my rose colored glasses a bit muddy in coloring.

We all know everyone suffers setbacks, walls that seem to hold you back and even just feathers that seem like walls. When reaching that feather wall you can be so frustrated you don’t realize how easy it is to move the feather to reach your potential. My pattern was to run away from disappointment. Man I was like the roadrunner when it comes to running away but eventually the feeling of lack of worthiness would creep in and boy did it tackle me. Whining to my Mom or anyone who would listen and even that grew tiring. Sometimes disappointment would cripple me so bad that I really couldn’t see the way to change the situation. Life tends to move forward and I would ask, where is the next hurdle?

I know that the lessons weren’t really about not getting the guy, the job, or the fact I wished life was different; it was me wanting me to be different. I thank disappointment, as it taught me not to give up on myself. That took oh many many years people! I am sure I will be attacked by the Disappointment Bear now and again. Although I will hug him now as he isn’t as scary as he once was. LOL Avoiding disappointment is like avoiding your face. Eventually you have to look at it to be ok with it. I also think disappointment is a great marker for what you care about. How would you know if you always got everything you ever wanted easily? To me that would be like a place without growth. I know the experience also teaches me whether or not I want something bad enough. In the past I didn’t have my inner cheerleader standing by to say You can do it! Or Why not try you’ll be no worse for ware. Self assurance is a quality everyone needs to learn. I still like a friend/family cheerleader now an again but now know I will go for my goals, aspirations, and the guy even if I fall on my face a few times. Thank goodness for plastic surgery. (Kidding!)

Personal expectations tend to high when you have a disappointing feeling in your midst. Expectations will be another future post.

I hope there is a sense of ease now when you are hit with setbacks and roadblocks. As always life loves to see how we fare under conditions of variety. I would love to hear your stories and how you have overcome or been shaken but not stirred. Any perspective on riding the waves of life would excellent, as I think we can all learn from one another.

Love and Hugs,
Jen