Spiritual Endeavor

My life is a complete blessing even during the times that totally suck. My thanksgiving has been a process. My previous life, as I would call it, was one without always being thankful for the hard and the ugly. I am generally optimistic but when I have had major depressive episodes I can’t say that I felt that life was worth living and I felt good about being me. Those were the days that made me not want to get up in the morning. Those times when I felt I didn’t have a voice, those times when I didn’t “see” or feel that people cared for me and I didn’t care for myself. Man was I on the wrong thinking train! Honestly I am blessed by those trials by fire. The beauty of it all is that I know how strong I am because of my so called “troubles,” They’re the occasional times when I wished for the perfect parent, the perfect “Leave it to Beaver” existence. Times I wished for the ease of a love life were I never got hurt or have money falling down upon me without hard work. I am kidding myself to think I really want it that easy. My poetry mostly drawn from pain or joy of loves I have had in my life, in romance, life and death. I would probably be totally bored and not very wise if I went along without any strife. I know my present and future is full of light as I will make sure of it with my optimism and thought training. I am sure challenges will come up but I know that due to my past darkness I am closer to the light now and will get through the challenges with strength. Freedom is knowing what the bottom looks like. Fears tend to dissipate if you have been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. Freedom is walking toward the happier thought on a cloudy day and knowing you can survive pretty much anything. Human are special creatures, we can survive shark attacks, emotional pains of child abuse. A great example: Dave Pelzer or someone who survived burns and then later became a quadriplegic, the honorable life of W Mitchelle. These humans are extraordinary not for their traumas but for their brains, and strength of thought on how they overcame limits. If they had suffered darkness they didn’t stay long. They live with no fear and I am sure feel freer than most suburban depressives.

I hope you gain freedom without challenges of life. If challenged, I encourage you to be grateful for the lessons or skills learned and to know you are strong and can conquer your inner world.

Love and Hugs,
Jen