Misfit Dolly

Updates from the past 3 or so months would bore you all to tears, so I am going to say one word. CHANGE!

The word makes me inherently antsy and sometimes for no good reason. I pride myself on having a cool exterior with bouts of hyperactive joy, but underneath I can be super-tense and worked up with no one the wiser! My basket of change has been of change I wanted and change I fear will come. The last bit is really silly since The Present is the only thing we truly have until, oh wait, it’s gone. I am glad I didn’t fret about that last second. Now if I could just let go and let it flow each and every second!

Obviously the world is changing, toward the good, I hope. (I am optimistic even if it can be scary.) The current situations/systems are in upheaval and we cannot see the full outcome. The not-so-ethical and nefarious are being dethroned and the sheep are learning to think or take responsibility for themselves. Not always fun but dang gun it’s exciting! Oh, what a time to be blessed to be alive. We obviously are here at this time for our own and global conscious purpose even if we don’t understand the unfolding and our own part in the puzzle yet.

A friend at work gave me a Misfit Dolly. She still loved her, but she thought it would be fun to bring us 3 misfits in our batcave, a present. A reminder that we have our own island where we take care of each other at least with fun, food, and emotional support. If you want a reference to Misfit Dolly, tune into Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer this holiday season and see the misfit toys sing and dance to be saved by Rudolf and Santa!

Randomness ensues~ the only message I have currently is to myself and all those that need to hear it.

I am Divinely guided and protected. Where I am today is all perfect, whole, and complete. Where I am is where I need to be. Where I am going is where I will be when I am ready to serve with my full value and love. All is well in my world!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Firey Solar Eclipse by amodiovalerioverde

This weekend the stars and life have got me really creative, in various moods & emotions and thinking about what destiny has in store for me. I have a dualistic belief that some things in your life are predestined and some things are of choice. Maybe depending on the day, it may all seem very self-serving to think that I have control over my life. In some sense I have a fraction of control but feel at times life and my emotions take me on the journey. I know all good things have their time and purpose even if I have no idea what I am supposed to do in life beyond flickers of interest or desired intent or when my life feels like home.

I do feel that certain people and events happen in my life to influence or change my inner world, my beacon of direction and inspiration. I think these things are on purpose even if the event or person doesn’t know that they are in a synchronistic evolving journey with the collective and me. I only pray that the experience of these events and all these wonderful people that smash into my life will make me a better person, more full of life, happier, and thankful for the energy exchanged. I want to be transformed to be more of who I am supposed to be.

I pray you see the wonderful duality in life. The people and events that hit you upside the head and get you to think, move, grow, and love more than you ever dreamed. Hopeful that my destiny and choice meet me to take me under their wings and transport me to a place filled with creative magic, love, and the possibilities of making my own little heaven on earth.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

pain/tears/silence by darkroom11

I think I repeat patterns for many reasons.

1. Habit of not working hard, like easy roads with clear outcomes.
2. Nearly masochistic enjoyment when my heart does the same things over and over again to hurt myself.
3. Archetypes that are innumerable and help me be the clown, wounded child, and lonely hearts club member, to name but a few repeating themes.

Other fun stuff on my mind this week is that I have way too many interests, shiny things that catch my attention or desire. Choosing a path or a select few that hold my passion and love and will give me stability in all areas of life is a super challenge for me. Good to be creative and interested, bad if I am stuck in a corner worrying what to paint, to love, to write, and to act in a directive manner.

This weekend I was spending time with two good friends. I was inspired Saturday night and wrote numerous poems at their house and wrote many more Sunday and Monday. So I was productive and had fun. Go Figure?

I realize all-or-nothing thinking is always dangerous and, I know I need focus in desired dreams in order to reach them. Be it love, work, connection to the whole of life and health of mind, body, and spirit.

As a little girl I didn’t worry so much about choice of career or purpose. I had a talk show. I would dance, do gymnastics on my bed, I would interview imaginary people with my tape player, I would sing, I ran around wanting to be everything, loved being goofy and imaginative. My mom suggested I be a hairdresser or teacher. Yuck, I always scoffed. I just wanted people to laugh or enjoy what show I was doing. I was giving many a performance to an imaginary audience or my mom, nana, or brother. Man, I wish I could recapture what that little girl had.

I’m realizing now at 31 years old that I have a whole lot of life left to make my dreams happen even when I feel so hopeless and feel I haven’t fully given any of my true dreams a shot. Feeling as if I couldn’t do whatever it is my heart wants me to sing. I desire many things before I die in this lifetime, many just having to do with loving the people I ensconce myself with and those I would love to touch in the future with my own unique spirit.

I am very close to my silly happy-go-lucky side as well as my self-loathing pain-filled side. I know it’s OK to love both but my love of my pain or consistent internal suffering isn’t productive for a loving, generous, compassionate, and meaningful life. Does make for great art of any substance though!

I look to my friends, family, and spirit to guide me so I can share my love with others as well as with myself.

Suggestions?

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Learning to readjust to a new way of doing things. Especially if I am carrying extra loads now. Pre-planing and possibly a cab or smaller trips will have to be my main stay for a while. I see all of this as a positive learning experience as I am learning to plan my time, execution, and the planet. Not to shabby due to financial hardship of job loss. My butt shaping up more as well.

I have to say even with buses I walk more because I am still learning routes, have little cash from unemployment and me trying to not become a hermit as depression can sync in if I never leave the house. Libraries are great and general tying up loose ends, Newark, DMV, Ez-pass and the post office have become events where I can commune with people. I need to be around people even if I don’t know them a little interaction a smile and hello goes a long way.

Hugs,

Jen

Coming back to life after a power struggle within myself. Looks like things are on the upswing as my mood is back to enthusiastic levels again. I find life with its ebbs and flows reminds me about my personal philosophies in addition to A: a horoscope and B: a stranger’s judgment.

Truth is always stranger than fiction and this week I was told I will be tested on my spiritual or life philosophy and realizing that I have my own magic to make and it’s OK if no one believes in my magic as long as God and I are on the same page.

A recap for all those not keeping score: I once was a Catholic girl, not too many short plaid skirts in my closet now although I have a nice Rosary collection. I believe God exists but not the way that is most traditional. I believe that Jesus lived on Earth and was a Highly Evolved Spirit that came to teach us. However, I do not think God started and stopped talking when Jesus came. I think we needed Jesus but if the message wasn’t clear from Him, there are many teachers out there spreading a similar if not the same message dressed up all fancy.

I think all, even people who are “evil,” have God-stuff in them or are of God-stuff but for various reasons unknowable to all of us they do negative works. (Beyond the surface ego stuff like they need money, are greedy, angry, blah blah blah.) I believe that the Universe is governed by many laws; some of them are Attraction, Paradoxical Intent, Karma, and many more. I also believe that with faith, hard work, and positive thinking, you can be and do whatever you want. I think what you may want depends on your purpose on Earth and not everybody needs to be a rock star in order to be somebody. I think everybody is Somebody for the uniqueness they bring into the world or else they wouldn’t be in this tapestry we call life.

I had a phone interview this week, which brought a very unusual situation to speak my mind when asked about my philosophies. It’s strange that if I don’t follow the same code of life or how God works, the way I see it I lose out on an opportunity because they decided they didn’t want me thinking differently. I have no hard feelings, as it was God’s test for me. I know a brighter future is out there for me. The silly part about the situation is that I am like the spiritual U.N. I try not to judge and enjoy people for who they are, especially if they are different from me. I hang out with atheists who are wonderful, intelligent, good, ethical people. I also hang out with very cool, down-to-earth Born Again-ers, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Agnostics, Christians, Episcopalians, Catholics, or general non-affiliates. Now working with super-negative people takes its toll on me, but wherever I am meant to serve I will go. If I need a spiritual cleanse I know what to do now.

To me everyone is on Earth for his or her purpose and usually even unconsciously we are all connected to someone else’s purpose. We are never separate from each other. Authors need readers, musicians need listeners, products need buyers, lovers need lovers, friends need friends, we need trees and trees need us. Happy Tree Hugger, aren’t I!

If bad things happen, I can guarantee that the pendulum will swing and good will come back stronger. Now the good that comes back may not be seen by all at the time, but eventually down the road, like 20/20 vision, most will see the good that comes out of a negative situation. Choices, decisions, or circumstances affect all things. We must make an effort to trust the process like a mama bird trusts that her baby will fly as she pushes her baby out of the nest. Trusting that the Universe/God will have your back is good for your mental health. To think one is condemned, for example: what would give anyone the recourse to change their life if all there was was a dead end and pitchforks?

Judgment for all the bad in the world is not my job. That is for the Prime Mover to know. To me God knows all the details and the reasons, whys, and hows, and has UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for all of it. I believe there is a purpose for the “negative” in the world as well. It’s our job to listen to our intuition and use the spark within us to do good works, and ask for guidance to help the world and its issues. My job is to do the very best to not be a part of the problem without becoming closed off from the world. My job as well is to add joy and love to the planet. Jesus hung out with the people most people don’t want to hang out with because He loved them just the same! I like that and strive to love everyone the same, especially when they seek to harm others or me.

I am sure, since I was hung up on, that I made a fiend instead of a friend and only hope that said stranger reduces judging others, lest ye be judged. I am like Charlotte, I think everyone is a friend in my heart even if they do not feel the same for me.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Unemployment by Marvins_Dad

I have to say the on-again-off-again lifestyle wouldn’t be so bad if I were financially safe and secure, and I would think nothing of being out of work. Being creative about making even a small bit of cash is at best “interesting.” I have lived in various wealth categories: poor, homeless, taking care of business, saving and spending, and “at least I have my health!”

Now I like to think every experience, either breathing or going through a great or not-so-great time, deserves to be viewed in a Spiritual spotlight.

• Can I be more humble?
• Can I be more grateful?
• What can I learn?
• How did I get here?
• What thoughts, conditioning, self-issues are at play here?
• How can I change my thoughts, actions, and feelings to improve the situation?
• Is my personal discipline a factor?
• Am I taking stock of where my purpose lies?

You would also think, with a lot of time and freedom, my physical form would be at the very least tighter. I don’t have the excuse that I don’t have time for exercise. Alas, not so much. A schedule would work I suppose, at least a rhythm of life so I am not surfing the net, wallowing in self pity, or watching TV for hours and hours.

It’s funny, until the release of the fear that the Universe will take care of you, things can be blocked. Maybe it’s for humbling purposes; maybe it’s supposed to channel me to another path, maybe I am learning about faith.

Job, the famous biblical figure, had to go through a whole heck of a lot more than I (I hope!) to have faith that no matter what God/Life threw at him he would survive. We all can do more than survive with a healthy positive attitude. Maybe we have to think about someone like Immaculee Ilibagiza, and the reality of losing my car or having to pay bills much later than desired isn’t so bad. The knack to surviving your own economic downturn maybe is putting on an inner smile when the clouds are overhead. No one can take away your smile, and it doesn’t cost a thing!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

*Caveat, if you do have voices in your head beside your own I would suggest two things: 1) Seek mental help. I can’t speak for other intuitives but other voices that are not your own shouldn’t be in your head. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel, hear or see guides but it is obviously different than a negative protagonist that speaks to you in a negative way. 2) You may be tuning into lower astral riffraff. This lower energy isn’t really able to harm you however “they” try to confuse which is a part of that energies goal. I For the most part am the causal affect of negative mental noise or self hate. I will do a post later on with more information on psychic attack. You can tell these “voices” are lower energies or your own negative self talk by checking in with your Higher Self and noticing whether the thoughts are of the Agape/Loving thoughts or consistent habitual thought processes that most people have. A good way to change your self talk is to check in and refer to what God/Loving Vibration would say to you about such issues. I am sorry for the tangent and I digress. *

The point of this post is to get you to think about why we are perfectionist and how to change the thinking that makes it so tempting to put all this pressure upon oneself. Mind you this is not a license to not to do your best and give your projects, relationships and life your all. However, letting go of perfectionism will give you a level of peace and help release insecurities of holding the need to be perfect which we all no is impossible.

This devil of perfectionism can be placed in out heads by parental, societal and moral pressures. This can manifest by trying to being Super Woman or Man and taking on more than we can chew as well as not wanting to disappoint people. This can cause self hate when we don’t do or say all of what WE expect others are expecting from us. Most people are in their own world, generally thinking about their own insecurities and only expect things that are from their reference point. Most of the time unless you are intimately relating you will not know their expectations and really you shouldn’t worry about it any way.

That said, quelling perfectionism is an on going process like correcting false ideas about what the “shoulds” are in your life. Please take it down a notch, have fun and live by your own honor code not by someone else’s.

Love and Hugs

Jen

www.myspace.com/spiritualendeavor

Myspace is a great place to touch many people and lives. I may share my hard core blog posts there as well.

Love and Hugs

Jennifer