Rubber Ducky Your the One!

Hey Ya’ll I have been busy with a wonderful life  changes and my  self care and my blog take a back seat for a hot minute.

Some life changes: Have been unemployed for way too long. Soon to be a school girl again.  Another change was meeting and then moving in with my wonderful man Joe that came into my life. The growth and changes have been fast, furious and life giving. Focus has been primarily on my relationship and myself care has been on the back burner. Bless my man, he encourages me to take a bath or to take care of myself.  Sometimes I am so filled with anxiety to stop and just Be sometimes but know it’s very important for myself as well as my relationship. I am finally taking heed and getting back to the whole me!

I am slowly learning self care. I have always known the value of self care even if not always practiced. Old habits I tend to fall back on like helping others before myself. Habits of ok I’ll drop everything for “you” and forget what I had planned. Or not planning enough “me” time activities or just fun which sometimes I forget to have cause I take life too seriously at times.

Here is what I am finally doing to honor and value myself:

Working Out and Eating Better- I really I feel awesome AFTER I get of the treadmill for a half hour. Getting there even though it is steps from work can be a challenge after a busy day but find it calms and distresses me. The food of which I am making a conscious effort to put more organic or living food in my body as well as taking my vitamins really has an effect on how my brain and stress levels are. Not that I don’t have goodies like chocolate cake or a nice raspberry beer but am now really understand the words -treat and moderation.

Quiet Time- Away from the addictive  Internets, TV, radio, or even books. Distractions are good but not when the inner self wants time to give you ideas, to solve problems or just relax and chill from the busyness of the world.

Writing- Journal writing and poetry are some of my mental outlets that help me listen to my inner self.

Reading with Action-Not just reading but putting into practice the ideas that speak truth to me as well as getting me off the know-it-all-horse and humbly move forward in action to change my life.

Bath Time-taking a hot bath just for myself nothing but the bubbles to keep me company, ok ducky you can come too but no splashing.

Taking Up New Hobbies-Knitting: I always admired others art with the duel needle and now slowly and surely am getting the hang of it.

Learning  Clarity-Taking time to be quiet and really getting clear about what I really really really want out of life. Taking away the scattered things on my list in my head and owning one thing at a time.

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New blog mission: This blog will be a place where people can get fresh content, ideas, suggestions and reviews for self improvement and self acceptance in all areas of life. Becoming, Being and Beyond! I hope with the new changes and my new commitment to the blog I hope my regular readers will get more out of it’s content, as well as, attract new readers to  join the journey with ideas, suggestions, and community.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Pretty In Pink!

Finding myself again is an interesting process. Self/Personality/Intimate nature has been either locked away or hidden by fear of past pain or what it I lose something if I speak my truth. I am taking the rewarding approach by not condemning myself for my self imposed prison or self inflection of “I should have done this a long time ago.” Part of finding myself again is reclaiming my fem-fatal nature. I back in the day, I took pride in myself and enjoyed my girl-ness. I can’t say I was a make-up wearer everyday but enjoyed the comical outfits I put together or ones that showed my legs. Those physical characteristics that said to the outer world I care about myself. I am returning to said creature and even attempting the *gasp* what I have never done before, which is wear make-up everyday. My Feme transformation back to self also include self care of beauty, mind, heart and soul. All for later posts.
Fear of rejection, fear of being uninteresting has always kept me from that route of dating in a normal sense. Bizarre, since I can have great conversations with total strangers and I know their whole life story and they sometimes barely catch my name. I am learning that not everyone is interested in other people as I am. That is ok. I also learned from an old friend that maybe I need to be more interested in myself and express that a bit more without the shadow worried that it maybe exposed.
Strangest are my various loves of people or hobbies have come in and out and in again into my life. I am seeking a purpose driven life in a NON-Rick Warren way. Cautious because when I am engaged in someone else or something else I tend to lose myself to the detriment of myself and others. I am very open to those who have been in my inner circle for ages and trust that they are interested the words that come out of my mouth but for newer people I am coy and mysterious. I am falling in love with myself now to change that. Without all this being about me, me, and me in conversation I would like to contribute my true self to others without a wall. Slowly I hope I am getting there. 1st my make-up….

Misfit Dolly

Updates from the past 3 or so months would bore you all to tears, so I am going to say one word. CHANGE!

The word makes me inherently antsy and sometimes for no good reason. I pride myself on having a cool exterior with bouts of hyperactive joy, but underneath I can be super-tense and worked up with no one the wiser! My basket of change has been of change I wanted and change I fear will come. The last bit is really silly since The Present is the only thing we truly have until, oh wait, it’s gone. I am glad I didn’t fret about that last second. Now if I could just let go and let it flow each and every second!

Obviously the world is changing, toward the good, I hope. (I am optimistic even if it can be scary.) The current situations/systems are in upheaval and we cannot see the full outcome. The not-so-ethical and nefarious are being dethroned and the sheep are learning to think or take responsibility for themselves. Not always fun but dang gun it’s exciting! Oh, what a time to be blessed to be alive. We obviously are here at this time for our own and global conscious purpose even if we don’t understand the unfolding and our own part in the puzzle yet.

A friend at work gave me a Misfit Dolly. She still loved her, but she thought it would be fun to bring us 3 misfits in our batcave, a present. A reminder that we have our own island where we take care of each other at least with fun, food, and emotional support. If you want a reference to Misfit Dolly, tune into Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer this holiday season and see the misfit toys sing and dance to be saved by Rudolf and Santa!

Randomness ensues~ the only message I have currently is to myself and all those that need to hear it.

I am Divinely guided and protected. Where I am today is all perfect, whole, and complete. Where I am is where I need to be. Where I am going is where I will be when I am ready to serve with my full value and love. All is well in my world!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Firey Solar Eclipse by amodiovalerioverde

This weekend the stars and life have got me really creative, in various moods & emotions and thinking about what destiny has in store for me. I have a dualistic belief that some things in your life are predestined and some things are of choice. Maybe depending on the day, it may all seem very self-serving to think that I have control over my life. In some sense I have a fraction of control but feel at times life and my emotions take me on the journey. I know all good things have their time and purpose even if I have no idea what I am supposed to do in life beyond flickers of interest or desired intent or when my life feels like home.

I do feel that certain people and events happen in my life to influence or change my inner world, my beacon of direction and inspiration. I think these things are on purpose even if the event or person doesn’t know that they are in a synchronistic evolving journey with the collective and me. I only pray that the experience of these events and all these wonderful people that smash into my life will make me a better person, more full of life, happier, and thankful for the energy exchanged. I want to be transformed to be more of who I am supposed to be.

I pray you see the wonderful duality in life. The people and events that hit you upside the head and get you to think, move, grow, and love more than you ever dreamed. Hopeful that my destiny and choice meet me to take me under their wings and transport me to a place filled with creative magic, love, and the possibilities of making my own little heaven on earth.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

What everyone should do! Priceless! by shuttercat7

Sl spirituality and charity. Live richly with being aware of the bottom line. Read The 4 Hour Work Week or The Simple Living Guide for more info.

Sorry I haven’t posted for a bit. I have been feeling a bit off-kilter due to finances. Please forgive me!

I am making a prediction, which maybe isn’t one but I am hopeful it will come to pass. America will become a simplistic society in time, waste, living, and values in the next 20 years. I say this because of the America we see today. The crazy housing market, debt ratios, and pain of more and more people realizing that stuff only puts a temporary Band-Aid on pain, sadness, and self-esteem issues.

Simplicity is the art of reducing life to key components that you value. Like everything, life is a balance. Some people enjoy living frugally and splurging on key things like health, love, travel, books, self growth, learning, personal spirituality, and charity. Live richly while being aware of the bottom line. Read The 4 Hour Work Week or The Simple Living Guide

The direction America could swing is coming to the realization that the Big Mac that they are eating isn’t what they value, although by the purchase it seems like it is for the moment. We have lost sight of what does matter in our culture. It’s not to say you shouldn’t have needs met with dental, medical care, or a warm bed. If what you value is 400-thread Egyptian cotton but you can’t afford your car payment, your priorities may be out of whack. However, if all things are in order and fine sheets are what you want then be my guest. The lesson here is not to be stingy with oneself for the sake of it but to really prioritize what you or your family personally value. The Joneses have been dead since the 50s, but we are still looking at them for what shiny car they bought and for their approval. Honestly they can’t even afford those things now so don’t try to be like them.

My personal simple journey is, in part, knowing what I value and what my childhood lacked. I am still trying to outrun my ego needs of running away and feeling valuable. I remember when I was maybe 20 I had excellent credit, steady work, and then my childhood needs took me shopping. I remember in one day I went to Ikea and spent $1200. This was a splurge and not preplanned. My need to feel OK about myself, to feel deserving or worthy, made me buy my bedroom furniture and entertainment center on credit. After floundering, being unhappy at work, leaving jobs, and being depressed, it took me nearly 7 years and then some to pay off that and other debt. In the meantime, I am learning now about doing what one has to do to stay afloat even if you don’t want to. (Minus stress of work that becomes a mental health concern.) It doesn’t mean you have to do “it” forever. To this day I am still learning lessons and realizing that personal happiness may not come from money, but lack of security and stability will give you an awful feeling that isn’t fun. Motivation to action or depression, it is your choice!

I myself have been good and bad at simplicity. The good, I don’t own much of what I don’t value. I know people and places interest me more than too many things to clutter my life with. I have enough paper for that!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

So real, it's unreal! by tracy-the-astonishing

Many of us people pleasers, or people who seek the love of others, use unconscious manipulation to try to get what we seek. This manipulation for the average person is under the radar and usually goes unnoticed. It is oh so sexy. Not!

Now I am not talking about extreme cases like that of a serial killer, as many will not be reading my blog. Would be nice but they might not like the light! Some of those types need to manipulate to get what they want or else they cause harm to others; they rarely become conscious enough to want to change.

Some people use manipulation for power. Some use manipulation in experiments with people. They justify their use by having excuses like I was testing you or I wanted to see your “false” reaction to my “false” action. That in and of itself is a power trip or insecurity about being authentic or just plain mean.

Manipulation can take hold of us personally, as if an untrained monkey has the reins of your life. Once awoken we still may be hard-pressed to see the underlying issue of why we feel the need to change ourselves or others so we can feel safe in the world. We sometimes think that getting what we want has to be at the expense of another’s personal free will.

Many of us manipulate. Another form of manipulation is guilt. Until we let go of the need for people to like us, we will probably have the instinct to change ourselves or push people to be a certain way so we feel safe or loved. We also manipulate ourselves when it comes to food, shopping, debt, and other addictions of the ego. How many times can you talk yourself into buying something you know you can’t afford, justifying it by saying that you deserve it or you’ve been good for like 40 seconds? How many times do we say we want to lose weight but talk ourselves out of getting up early?

All these experiences we have chosen for ourselves to be reflected back at us to learn about them and to change and grow or to live a life that is unsatisfactory or unhealthy. We have a choice. Thank goodness!

Spirit feels when we manipulate, it gets the needs of our ego for the approval or comfort we seek. Spirit asks us repeatedly not to see that desire as truth. The truth is you already have everything you need. Pushing yourself, your need for attention or love or trying to get someone to do something that they don’t really want to do, are forms of manipulation. Once you let go of the need for control or approval, you already have all the peace, love, truth, as well as the ability to act consciously in the situation. Ah, but letting go is the challenge we all face . . .

I send out a challenge for this week to see how ya’ll have tried to tame the beast of manipulation even in a small way. Examples: Telling people in your life you like something when it’s unpopular. By putting down the martyr cross you can let people in and know that you don’t have to be anything other than you.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Beauty of age and wisdom by ftbester

This post is inspired by Steve and Erin Pavlina of Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development Blog. Both of these bloggers love to share their insights to help others who seek to enhance their personal and spiritual development. I would suggest browsing their pages and I am sure you will glean more than a tiny bit of insight from their prose.

This is my road map to being a woman. I know by the time I am ready to rest my body and move on to the next world, I will have become a woman fully. Can someone say Oprah! Oprah is a woman I aspire to be very much like. I know there are many women who are behind the scenes who showcase what being a woman is all about, and I hope to meet them and learn from them as well.

Being a woman is a process one undertakes unconsciously at first. Even if womanhood, in a medical sense, arrives early, it isn’t cultivated until life challenges this Pretty Young Thing beyond superficiality, where the meat of owning her own self is accomplished.

A woman is not afraid of being challenged by her friends, her mate, or even her family. Argh! God love them, some are our best teachers even when they make living a challenge.

A woman knows how to laugh at herself. She can enjoy a good joke and life is jovial. Seriousness can be put aside to enjoy a moment of pure tears-out-the-eyes laughter, about herself and her world.

A woman takes full responsibility for her choices, positive and negative. No blaming others or her childhood, no buts about it. As she becomes wiser she understands how ALL of her choices, conscious or unconscious, affect others. A woman looks at herself and her cohorts honestly. She doesn’t BS herself on how she really feels, doesn’t hide, and owns up to being hurt. A woman doesn’t try to manipulate herself or others in order to save face. She is willing to own up to her transgressions. She is willing to give praise and love in an honest way. She knows that honesty isn’t popular, especially in this day and age. Even though it may sting sometimes, I would rather be told the truth with love than fake sweetness with a hidden spoonful of hate, jealousy, or disdain.

Being a woman means keeping her word. A woman knows that when she says yes, it is a yes, not a maybe. She knows the value of not talking about her girlfriends. Gossip is a trait of young girls. Sadly many of us are still in girlhood. I have gossiped my share but a real woman told me to stop. Thanks, Syl! When we ogle at poor Britney Spears we perpetuate the sewing circle gossip that brings all the sisters down. Talking about your so-called BFFs with negativity or judgment is not what a real woman would do. Even if not done with malicious intent you are still not uplifting their or your own energy field. We have more important things to talk about, don’t we? We can talk about how our own lives and how we are contributing to the world or how we can solve problems.

A woman is someone who is powerful and strong, vulnerable and loving, honest and full of humor. If she has a problem with one of her girls, she discusses it with that girl. Not the whole neighborhood, the dog, and the mailman. She loves the people that surround her. As age and wisdom grow, her level of discernment of friends and associates becomes more refined. Like wine, good friendships and lovers will be at a taste level and maturity where she knows who is good for her and whom she loves but must send away. What is healthy for them may not be healthy for you. Real women empower other women and men to be the best they can be with love and honesty.

Being a woman is also knowing how to love herself unconditionally. Not, I love myself but my nose, my thighs, and tummy are too big. Or I don’t have a boyfriend, how can I love myself? A woman doesn’t wait for outside validation. A woman loves even her cellulite or at least is comfortable having conversations with it. She knows that the two of you (nose, thighs, etc.) will be together until the end so you might as well enjoy each other. You can change your physical, mental, and spiritual self but a woman knows that even if all is not perfect, she loves herself all the same. A woman who loves herself makes herself a priority. She helps others but realizes her tank needs to be full in order to share herself with the world. A woman breathes for herself and takes her personal time, which includes self-care without guilt or shame. She takes care of her mind, body, and spirit. She is independent but allows others to help her when she needs it. She does not need a man (or a woman for all my rainbow friends), but she may want one to add to the sparkle of her life.

Being a woman means giving birth to ideas, seeds of creativity, and spirituality. This can include giving birth to children, but that is not a requirement of being a woman. A woman can rear her concepts and ideals with love, understanding, and trust. Her abilities will showcase her spark and gifts of Spirit when bringing her ideas to the world.

Being a woman means owning her sexuality. She knows the power she holds within her bosom, really her being, and uses it with grace. Her sexuality isn’t used as a weapon of manipulation for neediness of love. She deserves to be treated well and a woman knows how to chose suitors who honor her and share her sexuality in a passionate and romantic way, not like a 7-11 that is always open. A woman knows her own body; she commands respect and shows affection to those who are worthy. A woman doesn’t mistreat her body by not protecting it from STDs and guys who just want a piece. She is like a fine sherry. Taken down less frequently by random strangers, she is well worth the wait and when she finds the right man to partake in her yumminess, all is well in the world.

Being a woman means being confident in doing things without others. She goes to the movies, vacations, and eats dinner alone if she chooses. She may enjoy the company of others but she is not shamed by going it alone and enjoys her own company nearly as much.

A woman knows when to fight for a cause and when to rest on an issue. Not everything has to be war. In addition, not everything has to be other people’s design or wishes. A woman has a voice, an opinion, and isn’t afraid to share even at risk of being burned at the stake for making a mark in the world.

A woman knows her babies (ideas, children, friends) need to fly on their own. She will always be there when they need her, especially if they break a wing. However painful it is to let go, she knows how to build up her babies so they can once again leave the nest.

This among many things makes a complete woman. There may be things that I have missed. I ask that you send them my way, so I can add them to my list so by the time I do end this life, I will have fully lived as a woman.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

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The word of the day: Expectations. Let’s scream as if we are on Pee Wee’s Playhouse! Expectations can make a good woman go bad. I will put myself to shame if it helps others or makes people laugh then I feel I have done my job. The highs and the lows of my life have all been subject to my personal expectations. At 13, I expected to marry Joey MacIntyre from NKOTB. It’s obvious that my high expectations were illusionary but it was still a blow to my heart. High expectations of friends, family or relationships have gotten me into trouble as well. Through my fault as well as other parties involved. Moral, Ethical or just plain wishing someone would treat me the way I treat them has given me much disappointment directly proportionate to the height of my expectations. This is prefaced by me not always expressing my needs/vice versa or the other party not able to honor my needs. I think many of us feel so close with people that we expect them to read our minds or be like us in thought and deed. Even if we all wish we didn’t have to ask for what we need or desire we still do in order to “communicate.” God awful isn’t it! LOL When communication works, much teamwork can be had and success comes more smoothly. Working on the same page or aiming for the same stars or future, your connection feels complete and love grows stronger as a result. Alas, we must cross the threshold of asking and being vulnerable.

My expectations for myself have been set too high and too low at times. It can be hard to find roll models for keeping a healthy balance of going after dreams or everyday tasks without wanting to kill yourself if you make a mistake or don’t accomplish in the area of desire. After my Mom died I was trying to do, do, do and task my grief away so I could get through the day. I figured because she had a stroke I would do a marathon in her honor. Mind you I had not exercised for a millennium back then. I went on ward hoe as it is in my Aires nature to act first, ask questions later. I started run/walking and did long runs on weekends. I was doing really good and got as high as 13 miles on Saturdays. My own personal financial issues with getting to the marathon as well as my own follow through slowed me, I lost momentum and bailed. Reaching for stars was great but my own inner cheerleader and those who were around was not enough for me to continue on my merry way. My expectations during a rough time were not really healthy at that point. My goal although meaningful kept me from processing one of the most painful times in my life, losing my Mommy!

I think we all confuse the idea of expectation in our heads. Somewhere in the brain we really are trying to make demands on ourself and others. I think its important to have standards even high ones but there is a certain level of communication one has to have with themselves or others. This chat is to really see if the expectation is what is best for us at that time, truly desired, or is based on “other peoples” wants for lives. Letting go of the idea IT MUST or I HAVE TO is key, as it lessens disappointment. If timely, there is an opportunity for discussion and a channel to intimacy with your Higher Self and the people in your world.

Thanks for being here for this wonderful and strange ride. I would really love to hear your thoughts on any of my blog subjects or any interesting stories in your world. Come on don’t be shy, we are all friends here!

Love and Hugs,

Jen

*Fabulous Queen Isis Kali known in the scene and lingerie Store goddess of RedCherryCheesecake.com fame!

We all know everyone suffers setbacks, walls that seem to hold you back and even just feathers that seem like walls. When reaching that feather wall you can be so frustrated you don’t realize how easy it is to move the feather to reach your potential. My pattern was to run away from disappointment. Man I was like the roadrunner when it comes to running away but eventually the feeling of lack of worthiness would creep in and boy did it tackle me. Whining to my Mom or anyone who would listen and even that grew tiring. Sometimes disappointment would cripple me so bad that I really couldn’t see the way to change the situation. Life tends to move forward and I would ask, where is the next hurdle?

I know that the lessons weren’t really about not getting the guy, the job, or the fact I wished life was different; it was me wanting me to be different. I thank disappointment, as it taught me not to give up on myself. That took oh many many years people! I am sure I will be attacked by the Disappointment Bear now and again. Although I will hug him now as he isn’t as scary as he once was. LOL Avoiding disappointment is like avoiding your face. Eventually you have to look at it to be ok with it. I also think disappointment is a great marker for what you care about. How would you know if you always got everything you ever wanted easily? To me that would be like a place without growth. I know the experience also teaches me whether or not I want something bad enough. In the past I didn’t have my inner cheerleader standing by to say You can do it! Or Why not try you’ll be no worse for ware. Self assurance is a quality everyone needs to learn. I still like a friend/family cheerleader now an again but now know I will go for my goals, aspirations, and the guy even if I fall on my face a few times. Thank goodness for plastic surgery. (Kidding!)

Personal expectations tend to high when you have a disappointing feeling in your midst. Expectations will be another future post.

I hope there is a sense of ease now when you are hit with setbacks and roadblocks. As always life loves to see how we fare under conditions of variety. I would love to hear your stories and how you have overcome or been shaken but not stirred. Any perspective on riding the waves of life would excellent, as I think we can all learn from one another.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Well, well, little miss I hate doing anything that expends energy. Speaking to myself of course. I used to be so efficient (umm lazy), so much so that when I went to take in the laundry from the laundromat I would nearly kill myself my carrying two 30 lbs bags up the stairs just so I wouldn’t have to go up and down again. Awake again from a life coma, I know that hard work is in order to claim what I want in life. If I want to manifest things in my life like being 112 lbs, writing an e-book for ending depression, making more than enough money than I will ever need and finding a fabulous guy to date and eventually marry, I have to do the leg work. Manifesting takes many angles. One, is the affirmative thought one has the goal attained with belief. Another the feeling(s) you have as if the goal is achieved and doing the leg work by changing thinking and behavior to meet the universe more than halfway to reach said goal. Finally the trickiest part, the ability to let go of control, give up the result (No feeling like you will die if you don’t accomplish or attain) and be patient.

All those things I have been able to do rather unconsciously and others times really push through and sometimes give up when the going got to “hard”. Now my mind set is clearer and stopping on my journey is not an option. Knowing what I want helps a great deal, still fuzzy on some stuff but over all have a better idea now more than ever. My mind and body fight me at times but my Spirit says I am Already There. The great thing about Spirit is that it knows no obstacle or resistance. Us humans have that luxury. After working out to a brutal Killian Michaels workout today and reading T. Have Eker is that, being fully committed to a goal be it fitness, love, money, adding contribution to the world, ________ fill in the blank, takes effort. That doesn’t mean you won’t have somethings fall on your lap but for the most part the doing creates the accomplishment. The belief or the knowing that it already IS, is just the visual your mind and body need to believe Spirit when it says It is already So!

As I kick myself and love myself, I ask do I have what it takes to do the hard work? Do I want these goals bad enough to challenge the status quo, without the easy, fries with that shake? How about you, you may work at a job that you hate because its easy. Do you avoid dating because someone may actually challenge your thinking or mirror yourself? Or hey maybe they will love the way you laugh and you have to deal with that?

Do you really think your gonna win the lotto if you don’t get off the couch and drive so far away to the 7-11 and purchase one. Neither is sitting on the couch and wishing for the inches to disappear while watching the Biggest Loser. I know, I tried and it didn’t work. *Tear* I guess I am working out to be steamy hot. At least I am stronger, faster and I have the technology to manifest again and again.

I hope I have stirred within that makes you say to yourself, Go Big or Go Home!

Love and Hugs,
Jen