Spiritual Endeavor

Cigarette by lanier76

I don’t say this with sarcasm or with a husky Harvey Fierstein voice. I have never been a smoker. I was around it enough with my mother. She even smoked when I was in her womb. She swore that if she didn’t I would have been a 10-pound baby. I came out about 7 pounds and some change. I think she exaggerated. To the nonsmoking establishment it may seem strange to say I think smokers are some of the friendliest people I have met, but I find this to be very true.

I just went out to our patio at work to eat in the sun. In no less than 2 minutes I was in conversation with a woman smoker. After coming in, a guy whose office I pass every day was walking up the stairs behind me. He was a smoker too. He and I had a mini-conversation about how long he has worked here. I guess I attract friendly people. I tend to calm those who may otherwise not be. I also am very open and will have a conversation with anyone if I am not too tired, and even then I will probably say Hi at the very least. People can sense if they are being judged on their behaviors, even smoking. I don’t like to judge ’cause I don’t want to be judged for being the crazy person that I am. The devil’s advocate inside me wants freedom of choice and expression. That generally will outweigh any dislike I may have for various behaviors.

I learned about smokers being friendly early on. My mom and I, when we worked together, would go on smoke breaks. Other fine friends of mine I would follow for the 5- or 15-minute break depending on how stressful things were. Maybe I am a closet secondhand smoker? It was always nice to feel included even if I wasn’t a smoker. In 7th grade I would hang out with the stoners and smokers even when I didn’t partake. I guess I gave off a vibe of not really fitting in and all of us on the outside “smoking” were always looking in on what so was not cool about everybody else. LOL Not that I didn’t get ridiculed all throughout my young adult life on how I smelled like an ashtray. Sadly I didn’t get the nicotine fix to quell the pain I felt from being called out for something that was not under my control. *tear* I guess the good news is that I will never have to try to quit. : )

I don’t think smokers are the only friendly people in the world, but they are some of the first that will hold a door, have a chat, and offer something of value to them (a cig or lighter).

My friends come in various shades of smoke. Non-, Social-, Frequent-, I am going to die if I don’t have one now. All are warm, very friendly, would give their last smokes to you or share. So I say smoke up or at the very least say Hi to your fellow human. Smoker or Not!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Firey Solar Eclipse by amodiovalerioverde

This weekend the stars and life have got me really creative, in various moods & emotions and thinking about what destiny has in store for me. I have a dualistic belief that some things in your life are predestined and some things are of choice. Maybe depending on the day, it may all seem very self-serving to think that I have control over my life. In some sense I have a fraction of control but feel at times life and my emotions take me on the journey. I know all good things have their time and purpose even if I have no idea what I am supposed to do in life beyond flickers of interest or desired intent or when my life feels like home.

I do feel that certain people and events happen in my life to influence or change my inner world, my beacon of direction and inspiration. I think these things are on purpose even if the event or person doesn’t know that they are in a synchronistic evolving journey with the collective and me. I only pray that the experience of these events and all these wonderful people that smash into my life will make me a better person, more full of life, happier, and thankful for the energy exchanged. I want to be transformed to be more of who I am supposed to be.

I pray you see the wonderful duality in life. The people and events that hit you upside the head and get you to think, move, grow, and love more than you ever dreamed. Hopeful that my destiny and choice meet me to take me under their wings and transport me to a place filled with creative magic, love, and the possibilities of making my own little heaven on earth.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

pain/tears/silence by darkroom11

I think I repeat patterns for many reasons.

1. Habit of not working hard, like easy roads with clear outcomes.
2. Nearly masochistic enjoyment when my heart does the same things over and over again to hurt myself.
3. Archetypes that are innumerable and help me be the clown, wounded child, and lonely hearts club member, to name but a few repeating themes.

Other fun stuff on my mind this week is that I have way too many interests, shiny things that catch my attention or desire. Choosing a path or a select few that hold my passion and love and will give me stability in all areas of life is a super challenge for me. Good to be creative and interested, bad if I am stuck in a corner worrying what to paint, to love, to write, and to act in a directive manner.

This weekend I was spending time with two good friends. I was inspired Saturday night and wrote numerous poems at their house and wrote many more Sunday and Monday. So I was productive and had fun. Go Figure?

I realize all-or-nothing thinking is always dangerous and, I know I need focus in desired dreams in order to reach them. Be it love, work, connection to the whole of life and health of mind, body, and spirit.

As a little girl I didn’t worry so much about choice of career or purpose. I had a talk show. I would dance, do gymnastics on my bed, I would interview imaginary people with my tape player, I would sing, I ran around wanting to be everything, loved being goofy and imaginative. My mom suggested I be a hairdresser or teacher. Yuck, I always scoffed. I just wanted people to laugh or enjoy what show I was doing. I was giving many a performance to an imaginary audience or my mom, nana, or brother. Man, I wish I could recapture what that little girl had.

I’m realizing now at 31 years old that I have a whole lot of life left to make my dreams happen even when I feel so hopeless and feel I haven’t fully given any of my true dreams a shot. Feeling as if I couldn’t do whatever it is my heart wants me to sing. I desire many things before I die in this lifetime, many just having to do with loving the people I ensconce myself with and those I would love to touch in the future with my own unique spirit.

I am very close to my silly happy-go-lucky side as well as my self-loathing pain-filled side. I know it’s OK to love both but my love of my pain or consistent internal suffering isn’t productive for a loving, generous, compassionate, and meaningful life. Does make for great art of any substance though!

I look to my friends, family, and spirit to guide me so I can share my love with others as well as with myself.

Suggestions?

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Since having to sell my car due to unemployment I have re-entered the world a walker and public transportation junkie! I hope to save money to buy a folding bike so when I get work I can take the bus/train and can commute the rest of the way if the location is far from the transit stop. Until I gain speedy freedom on a bike, I have been learning my local bus routes. There are many tricks to the bus, apparently grocery shopping trips are easy but one may want to make sure the bus you are taking isn’t topped full of people. I am thankful to a very nice young woman who gave me that advice and graciously took me to another bus stop with a better chance for me and food would get a seat.

Learning to readjust to a new way of doing things. Especially if I am carrying extra loads now. Pre-planing and possibly a cab or smaller trips will have to be my main stay for a while. I see all of this as a positive learning experience as I am learning to plan my time, execution, and the planet. Not to shabby due to financial hardship of job loss. My butt shaping up more as well.

I have to say even with buses I walk more because I am still learning routes, have little cash from unemployment and me trying to not become a hermit as depression can sync in if I never leave the house. Libraries are great and general tying up loose ends, Newark, DMV, Ez-pass and the post office have become events where I can commune with people. I need to be around people even if I don’t know them a little interaction a smile and hello goes a long way.

Hugs,

Jen

Different point of view by tonythemisfit

As always when I am looking or am open to signs from the Universe, many tiny threads of synchronicity show up. They usually pop up to either teach me something, inspire me to take action, or give me guidance that I am following the right path. This week I feel the signs and here are a few things that are getting me inspired.

I am reading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell, I know a little behind the times or maybe just right when I needed to read it. Another wonderful inspiration who injected caliente flavor back into my life, my favorite nerdy cutie, Tim Ferriss. He inspires me to travel, and love life and myself again, Here is this week’s post of Why Bigger Goals = Less Competition via his blog. Last but not least, from my DVD collection, the movie My Date With Drew.

The themes within each of these inspirations are connected or highlighted by various signposts. Sometimes these signs need translation. As an intuitive and empath, I can see threads in my own life when I am not blocking life. For others it tends to be easier as I am not “emotionally invested” in a particular outcome. I know that everyone has seen or felt these signs and we get either excited by them or scared and brush them off. My hope is to inspire others to open up to life in order to listen to these markers. In the past I had really clear markers on my own intuition and mistook them for things that they weren’t. That’s the trouble with translating the intangible sometimes. Through experience I learned that I needed not to push what I wanted onto the signposts and let life move me to my next destination.

These connections help me dream big impossible dreams like the Man from La Mancha. Tim says one should go for the bigger impossible dreams due to less competition. Drew Barrymore speaks of taking risks and loves that she may be a marker of fate that inspires Brian to go after his dreams (one of which was to have a date with Drew). The Tipping Point helps show the interconnectivity of our emotions and energy and their ability to change the flow of things, like Hush Puppies’ popularity, Paul Revere spreading news of the British invasion, or help being provided after a tsunami.

Sometimes I get an idea or person stuck in my head like Tim Ferriss. My intuition is turned on “repeat” on a topic until I ask, So what is the message? As interesting as Tim seems, there isn’t a logical reason for me to continue to be pulled by his aura, especially since I have never met him. Other times when I get a stomachache or can’t sleep, I know something is up and wait for news. Before I moved out of my apartment in Montclair, NJ, I wasn’t sleeping well and had dreams of a fire. A few days later my ceiling caved in on my boo-boo kitty. Luckily he was OK. He is sleeping right beside me now like a good boy. After I moved out, there was a fire in the building directly next to my old apartment. Signs are good as long as you know what to do with them. I was lucky that the ceiling inspired a move so that Shadow and I would not be engulfed in flames.

My best friend Meghan told me recently that one of the things she likes about me is my ability to dream. She has known me since the 10th grade and has seen many dreams come out of my head. I bet she is laughing right now. I think Tim on repeat has a lot to do with reminding me to take life by the cojones. It could mean I am on the right path as long as I continue to listen and see signs of feeling good about where I am headed.

I have many dreams and aspirations. Here are my main priorities this year.

• To find a great sustaining love with an intelligent, funny, caring, and cute guy that will eventually lead to marriage, kids, the whole shebang.
• To find work that helps others and incorporates flexibility, possible travel, communicating with many different cultures, and reigniting my Spanish and French. I have a phone interview tomorrow for a job as described. Eek, so excited!
• I intend to learn more about how I can personally contribute to my favorite charities. One especially dear to my heart is the medical fund at Start II, an animal rescue group that saves abused and abandoned animals.
• I also intend to publish my poetry, write more poetry, post blogs, seek freelance writing assignments, and start outlines for two or three book ideas.

Intuitive signs and inspiration even came when I named this blog way back in March 2007. My brother and I were sitting in my office looking for open domain names. I knew I wanted the direction of the blog to be spiritual but not necessarily religious, and my brother noted I had this quote by Henry David Thoreau on my wall.

If people advance confidently in the direction of their dreams,
and endeavor to live the life which they have imagined,
they will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

God love Thoreau, that man really knew how to live! I love how these connected threads show me how to live an inspired life and to follow my dreams. Godspeed to live the way you always dreamed.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Unemployment by Marvins_Dad

I have to say the on-again-off-again lifestyle wouldn’t be so bad if I were financially safe and secure, and I would think nothing of being out of work. Being creative about making even a small bit of cash is at best “interesting.” I have lived in various wealth categories: poor, homeless, taking care of business, saving and spending, and “at least I have my health!”

Now I like to think every experience, either breathing or going through a great or not-so-great time, deserves to be viewed in a Spiritual spotlight.

• Can I be more humble?
• Can I be more grateful?
• What can I learn?
• How did I get here?
• What thoughts, conditioning, self-issues are at play here?
• How can I change my thoughts, actions, and feelings to improve the situation?
• Is my personal discipline a factor?
• Am I taking stock of where my purpose lies?

You would also think, with a lot of time and freedom, my physical form would be at the very least tighter. I don’t have the excuse that I don’t have time for exercise. Alas, not so much. A schedule would work I suppose, at least a rhythm of life so I am not surfing the net, wallowing in self pity, or watching TV for hours and hours.

It’s funny, until the release of the fear that the Universe will take care of you, things can be blocked. Maybe it’s for humbling purposes; maybe it’s supposed to channel me to another path, maybe I am learning about faith.

Job, the famous biblical figure, had to go through a whole heck of a lot more than I (I hope!) to have faith that no matter what God/Life threw at him he would survive. We all can do more than survive with a healthy positive attitude. Maybe we have to think about someone like Immaculee Ilibagiza, and the reality of losing my car or having to pay bills much later than desired isn’t so bad. The knack to surviving your own economic downturn maybe is putting on an inner smile when the clouds are overhead. No one can take away your smile, and it doesn’t cost a thing!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

What everyone should do! Priceless! by shuttercat7

Sl spirituality and charity. Live richly with being aware of the bottom line. Read The 4 Hour Work Week or The Simple Living Guide for more info.

Sorry I haven’t posted for a bit. I have been feeling a bit off-kilter due to finances. Please forgive me!

I am making a prediction, which maybe isn’t one but I am hopeful it will come to pass. America will become a simplistic society in time, waste, living, and values in the next 20 years. I say this because of the America we see today. The crazy housing market, debt ratios, and pain of more and more people realizing that stuff only puts a temporary Band-Aid on pain, sadness, and self-esteem issues.

Simplicity is the art of reducing life to key components that you value. Like everything, life is a balance. Some people enjoy living frugally and splurging on key things like health, love, travel, books, self growth, learning, personal spirituality, and charity. Live richly while being aware of the bottom line. Read The 4 Hour Work Week or The Simple Living Guide

The direction America could swing is coming to the realization that the Big Mac that they are eating isn’t what they value, although by the purchase it seems like it is for the moment. We have lost sight of what does matter in our culture. It’s not to say you shouldn’t have needs met with dental, medical care, or a warm bed. If what you value is 400-thread Egyptian cotton but you can’t afford your car payment, your priorities may be out of whack. However, if all things are in order and fine sheets are what you want then be my guest. The lesson here is not to be stingy with oneself for the sake of it but to really prioritize what you or your family personally value. The Joneses have been dead since the 50s, but we are still looking at them for what shiny car they bought and for their approval. Honestly they can’t even afford those things now so don’t try to be like them.

My personal simple journey is, in part, knowing what I value and what my childhood lacked. I am still trying to outrun my ego needs of running away and feeling valuable. I remember when I was maybe 20 I had excellent credit, steady work, and then my childhood needs took me shopping. I remember in one day I went to Ikea and spent $1200. This was a splurge and not preplanned. My need to feel OK about myself, to feel deserving or worthy, made me buy my bedroom furniture and entertainment center on credit. After floundering, being unhappy at work, leaving jobs, and being depressed, it took me nearly 7 years and then some to pay off that and other debt. In the meantime, I am learning now about doing what one has to do to stay afloat even if you don’t want to. (Minus stress of work that becomes a mental health concern.) It doesn’t mean you have to do “it” forever. To this day I am still learning lessons and realizing that personal happiness may not come from money, but lack of security and stability will give you an awful feeling that isn’t fun. Motivation to action or depression, it is your choice!

I myself have been good and bad at simplicity. The good, I don’t own much of what I don’t value. I know people and places interest me more than too many things to clutter my life with. I have enough paper for that!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

So real, it's unreal! by tracy-the-astonishing

Many of us people pleasers, or people who seek the love of others, use unconscious manipulation to try to get what we seek. This manipulation for the average person is under the radar and usually goes unnoticed. It is oh so sexy. Not!

Now I am not talking about extreme cases like that of a serial killer, as many will not be reading my blog. Would be nice but they might not like the light! Some of those types need to manipulate to get what they want or else they cause harm to others; they rarely become conscious enough to want to change.

Some people use manipulation for power. Some use manipulation in experiments with people. They justify their use by having excuses like I was testing you or I wanted to see your “false” reaction to my “false” action. That in and of itself is a power trip or insecurity about being authentic or just plain mean.

Manipulation can take hold of us personally, as if an untrained monkey has the reins of your life. Once awoken we still may be hard-pressed to see the underlying issue of why we feel the need to change ourselves or others so we can feel safe in the world. We sometimes think that getting what we want has to be at the expense of another’s personal free will.

Many of us manipulate. Another form of manipulation is guilt. Until we let go of the need for people to like us, we will probably have the instinct to change ourselves or push people to be a certain way so we feel safe or loved. We also manipulate ourselves when it comes to food, shopping, debt, and other addictions of the ego. How many times can you talk yourself into buying something you know you can’t afford, justifying it by saying that you deserve it or you’ve been good for like 40 seconds? How many times do we say we want to lose weight but talk ourselves out of getting up early?

All these experiences we have chosen for ourselves to be reflected back at us to learn about them and to change and grow or to live a life that is unsatisfactory or unhealthy. We have a choice. Thank goodness!

Spirit feels when we manipulate, it gets the needs of our ego for the approval or comfort we seek. Spirit asks us repeatedly not to see that desire as truth. The truth is you already have everything you need. Pushing yourself, your need for attention or love or trying to get someone to do something that they don’t really want to do, are forms of manipulation. Once you let go of the need for control or approval, you already have all the peace, love, truth, as well as the ability to act consciously in the situation. Ah, but letting go is the challenge we all face . . .

I send out a challenge for this week to see how ya’ll have tried to tame the beast of manipulation even in a small way. Examples: Telling people in your life you like something when it’s unpopular. By putting down the martyr cross you can let people in and know that you don’t have to be anything other than you.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Old Scars, New Wounds: by ashley.adcox

We all have raised boo-boos when it comes to forgiveness. We have felt hurt, betrayed, unloved, uncared for—blah, blah, blah. Really we all have wounds; some seem deeper than others, some are made deeper by the whining about them. Through time and counseling we can still hold on to the anger, sadness, and victim mentality; the feeling that they don’t deserve to get off the hook for the “incident.” I have to say for myself that even though the feeling has lessened over the years, there are people I worked for that hold a dark place in my heart. I guess this doesn’t show me being a beacon of Spirit and Light. LOL At least I am consciously trying to give up my entitlement to old ghosts of those experiences or of childhood. Always with the childhood. Hahah.

We all know the power of forgiveness. It is something that can lift a trunk full of stones and rocks from our backs. How do we get there? Sheesh, damn if I know. LOL I think there is a time when that trunk no longer matches the other luggage you are carrying and you are ready to cast it off. Sometimes it takes time but usually an acceptance and forward movement is needed for forgiveness to take hold. Sometimes it’s simply being OK that your plans weren’t as good as God/Universe’s plan is for you. Even though the journey may be rough and bumpy, where you are going is far more enjoyable. There were many men I put stock in who were clearly not for me but I purchased the ticket anyway. That journey got me here. Jobs that suck out your soul but for a purpose you may or may not later discover. The process of letting go of the pain or anger is as hard as giving up a favorite menu item. It’s a comforting friend, solace in knowing the devil you know verses the one that may or may not be around the corner.

The letting go may take many steps like screaming, raging, crying, numbness, need for validation, a pulpit that says you were wronged! At some point there is a time when these rocks get too heavy and you don’t want them anymore. That is the time when release and forgiveness can come in. Prayer, meditation, writing, drawing are all great but you need to make room in the heart and mind to let Grace, Peace, and Unconditional Love to move in. That spot in your heart where that “incident” happened just needs a smidgen of God’s good stuff to get in and clean the crevices like the Merry Maid service does. At a price that is just right!

Life is ongoing. There will be many more events, people, things to forgive and hopefully be forgiven for. I am ready to move on and make space for more of the good. Forgiveness is never about them, the so-called violators. It’s about giving ourselves freedom, letting the Universe take care of the residual karma. We can’t see the whole picture but the Universe can. No justifications needed. Not forgiving hurts us way more than it hurts others. Be good to yourself. You deserve it!

Hugs,
Jen

Well my crazy life is wonderful. I feel that I don’t always fit in, I am a bit off kilter and silly but am I friends with everybody, go figure. My roomie Jeanette*, Kirsten and I went to a goth/electronic/80′s/industrial club this past week-end. As always no matter where I go I have a great time but I had an especially super time this go round. I have been to Q’s numerous times but this time I really saw what utopia is like in black vinyl. There were many varieties of people, college kids, goths, cyber punks, the angry, the emo, the jaded, the happy, gay, trans-gendered and a small handful of NJ’s finest guidos. It occurred to me that even though the guidos were probably the most made fun of, they still were not harassed or thrown out because they were different. My idealism and heart filled with such joy due to this epiphany. I really would love the whole world to be like that dance floor.

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The word of the day: Expectations. Let’s scream as if we are on Pee Wee’s Playhouse! Expectations can make a good woman go bad. I will put myself to shame if it helps others or makes people laugh then I feel I have done my job. The highs and the lows of my life have all been subject to my personal expectations. At 13, I expected to marry Joey MacIntyre from NKOTB. It’s obvious that my high expectations were illusionary but it was still a blow to my heart. High expectations of friends, family or relationships have gotten me into trouble as well. Through my fault as well as other parties involved. Moral, Ethical or just plain wishing someone would treat me the way I treat them has given me much disappointment directly proportionate to the height of my expectations. This is prefaced by me not always expressing my needs/vice versa or the other party not able to honor my needs. I think many of us feel so close with people that we expect them to read our minds or be like us in thought and deed. Even if we all wish we didn’t have to ask for what we need or desire we still do in order to “communicate.” God awful isn’t it! LOL When communication works, much teamwork can be had and success comes more smoothly. Working on the same page or aiming for the same stars or future, your connection feels complete and love grows stronger as a result. Alas, we must cross the threshold of asking and being vulnerable.

My expectations for myself have been set too high and too low at times. It can be hard to find roll models for keeping a healthy balance of going after dreams or everyday tasks without wanting to kill yourself if you make a mistake or don’t accomplish in the area of desire. After my Mom died I was trying to do, do, do and task my grief away so I could get through the day. I figured because she had a stroke I would do a marathon in her honor. Mind you I had not exercised for a millennium back then. I went on ward hoe as it is in my Aires nature to act first, ask questions later. I started run/walking and did long runs on weekends. I was doing really good and got as high as 13 miles on Saturdays. My own personal financial issues with getting to the marathon as well as my own follow through slowed me, I lost momentum and bailed. Reaching for stars was great but my own inner cheerleader and those who were around was not enough for me to continue on my merry way. My expectations during a rough time were not really healthy at that point. My goal although meaningful kept me from processing one of the most painful times in my life, losing my Mommy!

I think we all confuse the idea of expectation in our heads. Somewhere in the brain we really are trying to make demands on ourself and others. I think its important to have standards even high ones but there is a certain level of communication one has to have with themselves or others. This chat is to really see if the expectation is what is best for us at that time, truly desired, or is based on “other peoples” wants for lives. Letting go of the idea IT MUST or I HAVE TO is key, as it lessens disappointment. If timely, there is an opportunity for discussion and a channel to intimacy with your Higher Self and the people in your world.

Thanks for being here for this wonderful and strange ride. I would really love to hear your thoughts on any of my blog subjects or any interesting stories in your world. Come on don’t be shy, we are all friends here!

Love and Hugs,

Jen

*Fabulous Queen Isis Kali known in the scene and lingerie Store goddess of RedCherryCheesecake.com fame!