Spiritual Endeavor

Flat Stanley Can Bring Us Together!

I was at Starbucks today to write, read and get my usual drug and while there I was socializing with another customer and her little girl who was getting a treat from Starbucks and just came back from the salon cause she had a great report card. I also socialized with a Barista cause he look like he was gonna cry when he saw the line that was not yet on his drink making side. I realized this socializing or general mass need for coffee was like various species at a watering hole in the Serengeti. Not necessarily all would get along or would normally meet in the real world we all get to be together in NATURE so to speak our modern day nature like malls, grocery stores and coffee shops. Its a way we get our needs filled of being around others but in a non threatening way. Also a way to bond with others I am not sure the lion and the elephant are bonding but at Starbucks there is some common goal or commiserating. Like when many will wait online on Black Friday there is a sense of camaraderie that you can not find in the same way online. We as humans even if slight interaction occurs need a community or group we feel connected to even if its on the peripheral. Hence, the mass love of Apple products or Starbucks or Dunkin‘ Donuts. These are ways we feel like we are together. In a sense maybe there is some of this in the Occupy Movement and like all of us that go home after something we feel apart of we feel we want something to bring us together again. Not like we want catastrophe or natural disasters but we almost crave that community after then when its all over we feel a bit empty or less than and need a meet-up, book club, mommy and me groups to make us feel we belong to something bigger than ourselves.
Here’s to making a concerted effort to come together in fun, love, and coffee if it serves our well-being.

Much love, hugs, and many thanks the Pre-Thanksgiving Day!
Jen

by h.koppdelaney

Ok I mock but I am also serious. Healing on an emotional level is never easy and rarely overnight but just like loosing weight it takes, time and effort and a desire to let go of baggage. An old story or a story you reminded yourself consistently like being poor. Or one you are just starting to remember abuse takes more than ninja moves to concur. But I found in my self the major turning point in healing is realizing that just being here and alive *poke poke* I am here that survival of anything challenging that we go through took strength, maybe determination, an ability to laugh, cry, and get up the next day.
Not to be simplistic but after a certain point a person can not be helped to poo for themselves. Well minus heavy medical machinery. The point is, at a certain point of an circumstance even if you have family or friends they can’t give you the will or the desire for getting through it. You have to do it yourself. Mind you wanting to be there for them or  your love and hope can help get you to survive a plane crash, kidnapping ,or abuse but you are the one that pulls your through out the other side. Your inner strength (God?) or your highest self has a purpose to live and live brightly after any experience where pain was the default setting.

No cliches just pure questioning after you have survived -What is next for you tough one? Who can you become now that you survived bullies, losing your job, or a parent with an overbearing nature? Well with your spirit becoming whole and complete again you can accomplish anything you are willing to work hard for and deem worthy of your devotion of time and love.

Really what else is there to life?
Love and Hugs,
Jen

A million and one blessings and such!

What? Yes I said it even though I am in amidst of a crisis there is blessings to be found.

My particular crisis details are not so important as the lesson of the crisis. I have been feeling anxious, unsettled, crazed for concrete confirmation and proof that my life will be OK. As an intuitive and know-er of things as such, I know it doesn’t matter what happens in the physical world as it is all for the good for the whole even if it doesn’t look like it..However, my ego, the thing that is supposed to protect the body is scared!

During this crisis I have learned a few things about myself.

1. I am a caretaker to a fault where I do not take care of myself before others…I am starting to work on this nugget of truth at Co-Dependence Anonymous meetings. My goodness there really is so much to learn about how to have healthy relationships with everyone.
2. As much as I may espouse in the goodness, affirmative prayer, and awesomeness of the Universe and God I don’t always live in faith. I whine and act fearful and complain on occasion. Sometimes I feel unworthy and unacceptable of gifts in strange or normal wrapping paper.

Today I was feeling static and yucky all in my head with worry and problems. I took a bit of meditation time to tap into the awesome God energies and listening to what they had to say as well as listening to Hay House Radio and also Marie Forleo. Gratitude is everything. Being grateful for the yucky stuff as well as recognizing even what may seem insignificant blessings. After I focused on being grateful for the lessons being shown though my crisis my energy shifted immediately. Not only did the static, anxious, worry go away I have a new appreciation for the gifts that I am being given. I know really hard t do when you are panicking when you have no permanent place to stay, no job so forth. I am there right now with my Brothas’ and Sistas’. For example this time in my life I am called to have understanding and compassion for those feeling troubled and have a block of moving forward due to fear.. A recognition that this particular lesson won’t be lost as I am finally doing things to take care of myself as not to put myself in this situation again. This time also shows me to have faith even if by some act of God (natural disaster or karma down the pike) I know I am (We all Are!) Divinely guided, protected, and loved even in the worst times. This is a blessed time. Maybe in your own personal issues you too can claim with confience a new realtionship with God as you see IT! Whether you commune with nature, Love Jesus, Allah, or you want to call IT Bob.. the name doesn’t matter, it matters that you open the floodgates of your heart to know you are an infinite vessil for love to come and express ITSELF into the world. How you choose take the yucky stuff and transform it is how the Good stuff arrives and thrives.

So today I say Thanks You GOD for the lesson. Thank You for my crisis ever painful it is and Thank You for always being my constant companion.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Thanks d.billy!

Yesterday picking up my friend’s kids up from school we went to that Mc place for some food. I know, terrible aren’t I, I don’t eat it anymore but they requested it. We get to the board and the girls give me their order. L wants chocolate milk then wants regular milk. She finally says regular milk and our order is finished at the speaker box. 10 seconds later as I am driving to the pick up window I hear crying. I asked “Whats wrong?” L says she now wants chocolate milk. I told her that I already ordered regular milk and said she has to be clear of what she wants before the end our order not after. I told her I would ask if they would give us chocolate milk but she can’t get upset if they can’t make the change for her so late in the game. Thankfully the cashier gave us her chocolate milk and all was right in the world again.

This experience reminded me on how I ask for things from the Universe and now completely understand why they don’t come to me or if they do but I get weird confused version. Being very clear about what I truly want has always be a challenge. I experience the world rather quickly and I can get side tracked or attracted to shinny without any steadfast discipline or value system behind my intentions or thoughts when it comes to my personal long term goals. I have general values but none I rely on to gauge whether I truly want something or not. This is true for many people who ask God or the Universe to answer their prayers or dreams. Clarity and intention are a key component on attracting what you desire. This is true for relationships, money, work, health, spirituality and so on.

Are you clear on what you really want your life to feel, be, and look like?

If you are not satisfied in a particular area check out how it feels so you can examine it to determine if you are sending out thoughts and vibrations that may be getting lost in translation or confusion. For example, I have been saying for years I want to lose weight. During some of that time I even have gained even more weight. Not really what I was asking for Universe. *hum* Am I really kidding myself on this desire? In part yes…Why? Well I am conflicted by so many food options Raw, Vegan, Low Carb ect. I chose to exercise on a whim not with planned action and on top of that I am a tad lazy. I’m tired, I don’t wanna prepare food and all that jazz. Whine! Whine! My desire to be healthy and thinner were not always congruent with my actions and what I really wanted. I could go into the psychological about why I haven’t lost weight,  but in terms of our purpose about attracting our desires some where deep down I have blocks to losing weight. Hence with every DVD and food plan available to me I still have not FULLY Chosen to lose weight. This example can be used to see the truth behind not getting what you want for romance and career and more as well.

Once choice is fully engaged the universe give us infinite assistance in every way imaginable to achieve our goals. Bumps in the road happen due to soul lessons and/or varying stages of intention but You Can Have, Be, and Feel anyway you want to but that choice has to come from you.  Isn’t Free Will the best!  :)

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Thanks to Foxtongue for showing his muscle!

Anyone who knows me knows that exercise where I know I am exercising is my least favorite activity in the world. I much prefer dancing, hiking, kyacking, or walking with friends than to be lifting my kettle bell or weights. This to the dismay of my body is the reason my muscles are partially defined under a nice hibernation suit. I joke but a muscle that use on a constant basis is my FAITH Muscle. As and intuitive its imperative that what I know to be spiritual and helpful information is not lost in the stactic of my mind like chores, worry, blank stares and who will the Mother on How I Met Your Mother.

Many people really don’t have a solid perspective on faith or they are of the mindset if they see it than maybe they can believe it for certain for now.

One of my jobs, besides being a dancing queen, is to really show people that their internal guidance system can show them how to build faith in positive outcomes and if so inclined that an intelligent universal source is always with you and can be accessed at anytime.

A quick practice of building faith is to think of a time when you knew in your gut that something felt very right or very wrong. Write that down…then check to see what route you took that time if you took directions from fear or worry or took a new route. For example, recently my guides were nudging me to take my car to the mechanic. I knew I had to bring it to the shop but I keep putting it off. Well on Valentines Day it broke down completely random event of a timing belt..I didn’t see that coming I thought my axle rod thingy was the need. I didn’t follow the pull to take it in sooner because of earth woes, money worry and what if I fix it and it needs more. Blah Blah Blah we all do this. I did have it fixed to minimum road survivability and took the lesson again to trust my gut, guides and have faith that the information being received isn’t random but helpful if taken seriously.

Their is also this bigger idea, Faith in Source, God, or whatever you want to call this energy. I may have been born with the God Gene so maybe I have a built in system for acknowledging the invisible but I think when a person focuses on taking the positive from experiences, having gratitude and keeping an open mind a Divine Intelligence doesn’t seem very far fetched. Especially when testing manifesting goals and seeing positive outcomes. I am not here to say yes there is or is not a big bearded guy in the sky but I do feel that the study of the universe in quantum physics can show that something is very intelligent or something designed the universe in a creative way. Or maybe I just have build enough of my faith muscle to just know it is so anyway.

How are ways you build or have faith? Please post we would love to hear from you.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Photo by aussiegall

I found a great blog that resonated with me on working on myself it is called Secrets of Her Success and in it the  author Darcy Volden Hoag wrote about a personal experiment about making a 30-Day Commitment to herself. Her journey of commitment was to quell procrastination and push through fear. This is currently really inspiring for numerous reasons.

I generally lack a commitment to myself. Other’s probably notice how many times I have started an exerise program or school. Marathon and degree seeking I have yet to complete. In spite of the voices in my head or my guides telling me others are unhealthy for me. My old pattern is to commit to others. This is due to various reasons (ie co-dependence/wanting to be liked/afraid to make a commitment to myself). Darcy’s blog plus my own personal transformation that is on going has inspired to commit to at least one thing to do for 30 days. I tend to over commit and use busy work or distractions like internet or taking care of others to procrastinate on the stuff I really need to do.

I really need to become healthier, monetize my blog or make clear decisions, period, about what I want in my life. God forbid if I make a decision that I isn’t good so I don’t commit so I don’t flake out later on myself. HUH so I forgot that its ok to course correct if something isn’t working in my plan/goal/decision.

For the longest time I would never commit to working out because I would give other people my time and made people a priority over myself. Sad but many of us do this for reasons listed above or not really feeling worthy of committing to ourselves. As if its selfish to go to Zumba! …which I absolutely fell in love with recently.

Starting today:

• I commit to tracking all the food n drink I take in to help me see where I need to change my diet for weight loss. I aim to take in about 1200 to 1400 calories per day and commit to exercise twice a week for and hour.
• I commit  to meditate 5 min twice a day morning and night.
• I commit to increase readership of my blog my connecting with one new person or increase my Spiritual Endeavor Facebook group page.

If you would like to join me on a 30-day commitment journey please comment and we can support each other along our quest to regain our personal integrity to ourselves.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

UPDATES GALORE!!!

I am heading to Panama in December 2010. My first trip out of the country. I am very excited and hope you join me on my adventures. There will be a bit of tweeking the blog’s visuals and content..Stay tuned!

Many thanks for use of this photo By HelloMokona

On to my current lessons on how I am being schooled by life. Yeah there is a feeling of Good, Bad and Blah but its all positive since it is sending me on my journey with new ideas, tools, and experiences in my pocket for long road of life ahead.

A year has passed, and one LTR has ended-amicably. Now for the first time in over a year and a half or more if you count before I met my last love I am focusing on the future of my life I find myself awakening to my lessons that abound from that relationship and from my previous 33 years on Earth.

Here is the data so far:
RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF- This is how I enjoy my self, how interested in my own wishes, dreams, goals, self love (te-he) and so on are directly reflected in the outer world experiences of relationships of all kinds. Friendships not excluded.

Friends/Romantic partners see me in a certain way. Some of those relationships evolved in contrast to how I take care or feel about myself. Some love me more than others some demand that I take care of my self more and others are oblivious to how I take care of myself. The point being here the level of intimacy my personal relationship have are in direct correlation to how intimate and close I am with myself.

HAPPINESS-I have learned a great deal about the abstract that is happiness. One thing I learned is that it has to come from within or I/Anyone will be perpetually unhappy no matter what gifts are offered to him or her. Happiness is a choice but it also can not come from outside circumstances. This means your personal happiness is not determined by outside influences. For example someone says you are super awesome or a piece of garbage you can chose to not be burdened by someone else’s opinion of you if it does not reflect your true inner feeling about yourself.

LOVE-Being in love with someone is never enough to hold a relationship together. It does take two people to continue to choose each other daily. Holding on too tight will almost always crush what love is present. With open arms and hands and that freedom is what keeps love fresh and alive. I am not talking about threesomes or open relationships but freedom to be yourself as well as have separate space and time. Some people enjoy every breath of each other, while others need more distance in time and proximity from each other to see the contrast and value of the other. Neither is right or wrong just a understanding of each persons needs to help the flower of love grow.

NEEDS- I learned that it is very important to ask another what they need in order for the other person to feel loved and I should get the same respect in return. Some people enjoy words of flattery, others actions or interest or curiosity bestowed on a beloved. Learn what your counterpart needs,  don’t just give them what you need. Understanding the mirror of relationships helps you figure out you but in healthy relationships this mirror is a two way street.

COMMUNICATION and TRUST- The two most important items for healthy relations ever invented. Cave man grunts showing that he wants to watch tv after work to unwind…Cave woman has a need to chat about the foraging or that she is upset that cave man is cranky all the time but doesn’t know why…Communicating needs, issues, and being fully commited to the process of being a healthy participant in the relationship is a necessity. Trusting your partner will open up and be honest when speaking of needs or criticism is crucial to keep resentment, anger, or a life time of unhappiness or the death of a relationship will occur.

I hope you Love Big, Love Often, but most importantly learn about what you your personal needs are in order to feel loved and give that to yourself as well as asking your partner to do their part in adding to your happiness. After you have loved yourself again and again the bonus of the cuddling with your sweetie will become even more sweet knowing that you always had everything you ever needed to feel loved, inside of you. You just needed to give that to her(him).

Post Script-Self respect and calling out those who disrespect and devalue you can be liberating if not done just to validate your hurt feelings but actually awaken parts of you that need to reemurge. Talking  back personal power, claiming dignity for one’s self is one of the most important things in the world for self love. Living with integrity and keeping the personal ego in check can and will bring in healthier and healthier relationships the more you get to know and treat yourself to a cup of tea and some care.

Love and Hugs

Jen

Pretty In Pink!

Finding myself again is an interesting process. Self/Personality/Intimate nature has been either locked away or hidden by fear of past pain or what it I lose something if I speak my truth. I am taking the rewarding approach by not condemning myself for my self imposed prison or self inflection of “I should have done this a long time ago.” Part of finding myself again is reclaiming my fem-fatal nature. I back in the day, I took pride in myself and enjoyed my girl-ness. I can’t say I was a make-up wearer everyday but enjoyed the comical outfits I put together or ones that showed my legs. Those physical characteristics that said to the outer world I care about myself. I am returning to said creature and even attempting the *gasp* what I have never done before, which is wear make-up everyday. My Feme transformation back to self also include self care of beauty, mind, heart and soul. All for later posts.
Fear of rejection, fear of being uninteresting has always kept me from that route of dating in a normal sense. Bizarre, since I can have great conversations with total strangers and I know their whole life story and they sometimes barely catch my name. I am learning that not everyone is interested in other people as I am. That is ok. I also learned from an old friend that maybe I need to be more interested in myself and express that a bit more without the shadow worried that it maybe exposed.
Strangest are my various loves of people or hobbies have come in and out and in again into my life. I am seeking a purpose driven life in a NON-Rick Warren way. Cautious because when I am engaged in someone else or something else I tend to lose myself to the detriment of myself and others. I am very open to those who have been in my inner circle for ages and trust that they are interested the words that come out of my mouth but for newer people I am coy and mysterious. I am falling in love with myself now to change that. Without all this being about me, me, and me in conversation I would like to contribute my true self to others without a wall. Slowly I hope I am getting there. 1st my make-up….

Photo by _marmota

I’ve been reading one of my favorite blogs of a crafter that I follow. Be Present Be Here brought me to tears just now. I have held back all month when I could but couldn’t contain it anymore. The blogger wrote about how an encounter with an old lady at the supermarket almost brought her to tears and that made me cry. She has lost her grandma . . . not like she wandered off but passed away. A few years ago my mom passed away as well. It’s an odd time of year and I totally understand the loneliness and reasons behind the high suicide rate of the holiday season. Various reasons: missing those who have passed on. Missing those who are far away. Missing those who are near but feel far away in emotional connection and proximity. Feeling like there is nobody to love or to be loved by!

The time of year when, if one has a small family and few close friends, it feels at times bitter more than sweet. Those who complain about how awful their families are may feel the grass is greener without the drama of big family, but I wish for a big family. One made by loins and by hearts tied together in friendship. I am lucky, even if I sometimes feel like I’m outside looking in on someone else’s party, that tonight two of my single girlfriends are hanging out at my house. One I live with and the other is an old friend whose family is dispersed in various directions.

I sometimes forget that in order to have family I have to create it. This means getting out in the dating world for real, meeting new positive, loving friends who will be a solid support system and want to partake in a life with me punctuated with daily, weekly, and/or festive or monthly communions.

I miss my mom, that is very true! I miss having more of family/friends and more traditions that are built in my life. After hearing a show I listen to on Hay House Radio by Dr. Mona Lisa, I’ve decided I need to impart more joyous activity and community into my life. By watching a funny movie, creating a group, or adding hobbies to my monthly schedule will add much more happiness to my life.

I am grateful to have all I do, my small family and a small group of people who think of me—even when it’s not a holiday. I am blessed!

Much Love and Hugs,

Jen

Misfit Dolly

Updates from the past 3 or so months would bore you all to tears, so I am going to say one word. CHANGE!

The word makes me inherently antsy and sometimes for no good reason. I pride myself on having a cool exterior with bouts of hyperactive joy, but underneath I can be super-tense and worked up with no one the wiser! My basket of change has been of change I wanted and change I fear will come. The last bit is really silly since The Present is the only thing we truly have until, oh wait, it’s gone. I am glad I didn’t fret about that last second. Now if I could just let go and let it flow each and every second!

Obviously the world is changing, toward the good, I hope. (I am optimistic even if it can be scary.) The current situations/systems are in upheaval and we cannot see the full outcome. The not-so-ethical and nefarious are being dethroned and the sheep are learning to think or take responsibility for themselves. Not always fun but dang gun it’s exciting! Oh, what a time to be blessed to be alive. We obviously are here at this time for our own and global conscious purpose even if we don’t understand the unfolding and our own part in the puzzle yet.

A friend at work gave me a Misfit Dolly. She still loved her, but she thought it would be fun to bring us 3 misfits in our batcave, a present. A reminder that we have our own island where we take care of each other at least with fun, food, and emotional support. If you want a reference to Misfit Dolly, tune into Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer this holiday season and see the misfit toys sing and dance to be saved by Rudolf and Santa!

Randomness ensues~ the only message I have currently is to myself and all those that need to hear it.

I am Divinely guided and protected. Where I am today is all perfect, whole, and complete. Where I am is where I need to be. Where I am going is where I will be when I am ready to serve with my full value and love. All is well in my world!

Love and Hugs,
Jen