Flat Stanley Can Bring Us Together!

I was at Starbucks today to write, read and get my usual drug and while there I was socializing with another customer and her little girl who was getting a treat from Starbucks and just came back from the salon cause she had a great report card. I also socialized with a Barista cause he look like he was gonna cry when he saw the line that was not yet on his drink making side. I realized this socializing or general mass need for coffee was like various species at a watering hole in the Serengeti. Not necessarily all would get along or would normally meet in the real world we all get to be together in NATURE so to speak our modern day nature like malls, grocery stores and coffee shops. Its a way we get our needs filled of being around others but in a non threatening way. Also a way to bond with others I am not sure the lion and the elephant are bonding but at Starbucks there is some common goal or commiserating. Like when many will wait online on Black Friday there is a sense of camaraderie that you can not find in the same way online. We as humans even if slight interaction occurs need a community or group we feel connected to even if its on the peripheral. Hence, the mass love of Apple products or Starbucks or Dunkin‘ Donuts. These are ways we feel like we are together. In a sense maybe there is some of this in the Occupy Movement and like all of us that go home after something we feel apart of we feel we want something to bring us together again. Not like we want catastrophe or natural disasters but we almost crave that community after then when its all over we feel a bit empty or less than and need a meet-up, book club, mommy and me groups to make us feel we belong to something bigger than ourselves.
Here’s to making a concerted effort to come together in fun, love, and coffee if it serves our well-being.

Much love, hugs, and many thanks the Pre-Thanksgiving Day!
Jen

by h.koppdelaney

Ok I mock but I am also serious. Healing on an emotional level is never easy and rarely overnight but just like loosing weight it takes, time and effort and a desire to let go of baggage. An old story or a story you reminded yourself consistently like being poor. Or one you are just starting to remember abuse takes more than ninja moves to concur. But I found in my self the major turning point in healing is realizing that just being here and alive *poke poke* I am here that survival of anything challenging that we go through took strength, maybe determination, an ability to laugh, cry, and get up the next day.
Not to be simplistic but after a certain point a person can not be helped to poo for themselves. Well minus heavy medical machinery. The point is, at a certain point of an circumstance even if you have family or friends they can’t give you the will or the desire for getting through it. You have to do it yourself. Mind you wanting to be there for them or  your love and hope can help get you to survive a plane crash, kidnapping ,or abuse but you are the one that pulls your through out the other side. Your inner strength (God?) or your highest self has a purpose to live and live brightly after any experience where pain was the default setting.

No cliches just pure questioning after you have survived -What is next for you tough one? Who can you become now that you survived bullies, losing your job, or a parent with an overbearing nature? Well with your spirit becoming whole and complete again you can accomplish anything you are willing to work hard for and deem worthy of your devotion of time and love.

Really what else is there to life?
Love and Hugs,
Jen

Flat Stanley's Spirituality is Travel. What's yours?

I think the word Spirituality has a bad rap. Many confuse it with Religion or people being cooky or flighty. I want to give a refresher on what it means to me and how by looking at spirituality in a new way can help you feel less alone and more alive on this spinning rock.

Spirituality as defined by me isn’t about a big man in the sky or even a belief system.  It is the primary way you connect to yourself and/or  to others. For many people who don’t believe in a religion per say has a religion of sorts via their passions and appreciations and that is their have spirituality in the world. Many people are engrossed in art,  music, dance, being in service, collecting books, building things, knitting, and so on.
Passion that emanates out of nowhere or that is found by accident is spirituality in a nut shell. When you can not not do or love a particular thing. A friend might love all of nature. That is her spirituality. For another its passion for physical sport or challenge. My passions are writing and reading about metaphysics. As a kid I would talk with my Mom on how the universe worked and even at my cheeky age of 6 or 7 vehemently denied her closed view of what happened after we leave our bodies.  I enjoyed playing with friends, having a talk show, playing with my recorder but I loved to connect with people on a deep level beyond what someone’s favorite color much more. Those are some of my passions and that is how I continue to live my Spirituality.
By denying your gifts or appreciation for boating, hiking, painting or sharing dinner with friends you are in essentially cutting of your connection to Source Energy. In offering to share your passion with others, people see this light and are attracted to that spark and that what brings more rich and positives experiences in your life. Hobbies or your life  as a whole are the living worship to this spiritual life. As you speak or live from your soul you are sharing your appreciation and creating more beauty with the world.

Maybe your passion is Jesus, Buddha, art, children, family, Star Wars, or laughing. The label task is not important. It is no more or less life giving than being a monk in a monastery. Your “thing” or “things” are a very real way to connect your unique energy with Universe. Being present within your passions is an amazing way to share yourself with others while show casing the eternal flame inside of you that never dies.

I hope you bring more joy and happiness by focusing on a passion a tiny bit each an every day!
Please let me know what your passions are and how you feel you live your Spirituality!
Love and Hugs,

Jen

Pulling my hair out…Thanks dearbarbie

A million and one blessings and such!

What? Yes I said it even though I am in amidst of a crisis there is blessings to be found.

My particular crisis details are not so important as the lesson of the crisis. I have been feeling anxious, unsettled, crazed for concrete confirmation and proof that my life will be OK. As an intuitive and know-er of things as such, I know it doesn’t matter what happens in the physical world as it is all for the good for the whole even if it doesn’t look like it..However, my ego, the thing that is supposed to protect the body is scared!

During this crisis I have learned a few things about myself.

1. I am a caretaker to a fault where I do not take care of myself before others…I am starting to work on this nugget of truth at Co-Dependence Anonymous meetings. My goodness there really is so much to learn about how to have healthy relationships with everyone.
2. As much as I may espouse in the goodness, affirmative prayer, and awesomeness of the Universe and God I don’t always live in faith. I whine and act fearful and complain on occasion. Sometimes I feel unworthy and unacceptable of gifts in strange or normal wrapping paper.

Today I was feeling static and yucky all in my head with worry and problems. I took a bit of meditation time to tap into the awesome God energies and listening to what they had to say as well as listening to Hay House Radio and also Marie Forleo. Gratitude is everything. Being grateful for the yucky stuff as well as recognizing even what may seem insignificant blessings. After I focused on being grateful for the lessons being shown though my crisis my energy shifted immediately. Not only did the static, anxious, worry go away I have a new appreciation for the gifts that I am being given. I know really hard t do when you are panicking when you have no permanent place to stay, no job so forth. I am there right now with my Brothas’ and Sistas’. For example this time in my life I am called to have understanding and compassion for those feeling troubled and have a block of moving forward due to fear.. A recognition that this particular lesson won’t be lost as I am finally doing things to take care of myself as not to put myself in this situation again. This time also shows me to have faith even if by some act of God (natural disaster or karma down the pike) I know I am (We all Are!) Divinely guided, protected, and loved even in the worst times. This is a blessed time. Maybe in your own personal issues you too can claim with confience a new realtionship with God as you see IT! Whether you commune with nature, Love Jesus, Allah, or you want to call IT Bob.. the name doesn’t matter, it matters that you open the floodgates of your heart to know you are an infinite vessil for love to come and express ITSELF into the world. How you choose take the yucky stuff and transform it is how the Good stuff arrives and thrives.

So today I say Thanks You GOD for the lesson. Thank You for my crisis ever painful it is and Thank You for always being my constant companion.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

My socks on the floor ready to be purged!

Over the past few months I have been staying with a friend with her two children. Since I am still looking for full time employment she lets me stay in exchange of dropping off and picking up her kids at school and occasional babysitting with additional house chores I feel compelled to do. Living in a space no bigger than 10×14 I had to leave most of my belonging at my ex’s familie’s house. They all are amazing for being so patient with me as I gain order over my life again. I am due to move in with another girlfriend July 1st. During this time since October I have lived with very few personal items: clothes, computer, books, and a few random items like journals, too many pens to really need and holy water. (A recovering Catholic loves her holy water.)
This sock drawer enhanced my realization that there is a need to replace things that don’t fit or are damaged but I have obviously have more than enough in the world and thinking about reducing what I have to really the bare essentials. I do my laundry every week and like the 80/20 ware much of my clothing on a continuous loop. In part because I don’t have much and or who needs all these socks. Even if I work out everyday and get my feet wet due to snow or rain…some of this I don’t need. So my first duty is to get rid of the ones with holes or ones that have been stretched to mars and back.

I will be doing this for undergarments and then clothes. Then products and medicines. I only want things around that are useful and make me happy. If that means I wear the same pants three days this week so be it.

Wish me luck and please let me know if you have given up any of the extra stuff in your life and how it made you feel.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Thanks d.billy!

Yesterday picking up my friend’s kids up from school we went to that Mc place for some food. I know, terrible aren’t I, I don’t eat it anymore but they requested it. We get to the board and the girls give me their order. L wants chocolate milk then wants regular milk. She finally says regular milk and our order is finished at the speaker box. 10 seconds later as I am driving to the pick up window I hear crying. I asked “Whats wrong?” L says she now wants chocolate milk. I told her that I already ordered regular milk and said she has to be clear of what she wants before the end our order not after. I told her I would ask if they would give us chocolate milk but she can’t get upset if they can’t make the change for her so late in the game. Thankfully the cashier gave us her chocolate milk and all was right in the world again.

This experience reminded me on how I ask for things from the Universe and now completely understand why they don’t come to me or if they do but I get weird confused version. Being very clear about what I truly want has always be a challenge. I experience the world rather quickly and I can get side tracked or attracted to shinny without any steadfast discipline or value system behind my intentions or thoughts when it comes to my personal long term goals. I have general values but none I rely on to gauge whether I truly want something or not. This is true for many people who ask God or the Universe to answer their prayers or dreams. Clarity and intention are a key component on attracting what you desire. This is true for relationships, money, work, health, spirituality and so on.

Are you clear on what you really want your life to feel, be, and look like?

If you are not satisfied in a particular area check out how it feels so you can examine it to determine if you are sending out thoughts and vibrations that may be getting lost in translation or confusion. For example, I have been saying for years I want to lose weight. During some of that time I even have gained even more weight. Not really what I was asking for Universe. *hum* Am I really kidding myself on this desire? In part yes…Why? Well I am conflicted by so many food options Raw, Vegan, Low Carb ect. I chose to exercise on a whim not with planned action and on top of that I am a tad lazy. I’m tired, I don’t wanna prepare food and all that jazz. Whine! Whine! My desire to be healthy and thinner were not always congruent with my actions and what I really wanted. I could go into the psychological about why I haven’t lost weight,  but in terms of our purpose about attracting our desires some where deep down I have blocks to losing weight. Hence with every DVD and food plan available to me I still have not FULLY Chosen to lose weight. This example can be used to see the truth behind not getting what you want for romance and career and more as well.

Once choice is fully engaged the universe give us infinite assistance in every way imaginable to achieve our goals. Bumps in the road happen due to soul lessons and/or varying stages of intention but You Can Have, Be, and Feel anyway you want to but that choice has to come from you.  Isn’t Free Will the best!  :)

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Thanks to Foxtongue for showing his muscle!

Anyone who knows me knows that exercise where I know I am exercising is my least favorite activity in the world. I much prefer dancing, hiking, kyacking, or walking with friends than to be lifting my kettle bell or weights. This to the dismay of my body is the reason my muscles are partially defined under a nice hibernation suit. I joke but a muscle that use on a constant basis is my FAITH Muscle. As and intuitive its imperative that what I know to be spiritual and helpful information is not lost in the stactic of my mind like chores, worry, blank stares and who will the Mother on How I Met Your Mother.

Many people really don’t have a solid perspective on faith or they are of the mindset if they see it than maybe they can believe it for certain for now.

One of my jobs, besides being a dancing queen, is to really show people that their internal guidance system can show them how to build faith in positive outcomes and if so inclined that an intelligent universal source is always with you and can be accessed at anytime.

A quick practice of building faith is to think of a time when you knew in your gut that something felt very right or very wrong. Write that down…then check to see what route you took that time if you took directions from fear or worry or took a new route. For example, recently my guides were nudging me to take my car to the mechanic. I knew I had to bring it to the shop but I keep putting it off. Well on Valentines Day it broke down completely random event of a timing belt..I didn’t see that coming I thought my axle rod thingy was the need. I didn’t follow the pull to take it in sooner because of earth woes, money worry and what if I fix it and it needs more. Blah Blah Blah we all do this. I did have it fixed to minimum road survivability and took the lesson again to trust my gut, guides and have faith that the information being received isn’t random but helpful if taken seriously.

Their is also this bigger idea, Faith in Source, God, or whatever you want to call this energy. I may have been born with the God Gene so maybe I have a built in system for acknowledging the invisible but I think when a person focuses on taking the positive from experiences, having gratitude and keeping an open mind a Divine Intelligence doesn’t seem very far fetched. Especially when testing manifesting goals and seeing positive outcomes. I am not here to say yes there is or is not a big bearded guy in the sky but I do feel that the study of the universe in quantum physics can show that something is very intelligent or something designed the universe in a creative way. Or maybe I just have build enough of my faith muscle to just know it is so anyway.

How are ways you build or have faith? Please post we would love to hear from you.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Photo by aussiegall

I found a great blog that resonated with me on working on myself it is called Secrets of Her Success and in it the  author Darcy Volden Hoag wrote about a personal experiment about making a 30-Day Commitment to herself. Her journey of commitment was to quell procrastination and push through fear. This is currently really inspiring for numerous reasons.

I generally lack a commitment to myself. Other’s probably notice how many times I have started an exerise program or school. Marathon and degree seeking I have yet to complete. In spite of the voices in my head or my guides telling me others are unhealthy for me. My old pattern is to commit to others. This is due to various reasons (ie co-dependence/wanting to be liked/afraid to make a commitment to myself). Darcy’s blog plus my own personal transformation that is on going has inspired to commit to at least one thing to do for 30 days. I tend to over commit and use busy work or distractions like internet or taking care of others to procrastinate on the stuff I really need to do.

I really need to become healthier, monetize my blog or make clear decisions, period, about what I want in my life. God forbid if I make a decision that I isn’t good so I don’t commit so I don’t flake out later on myself. HUH so I forgot that its ok to course correct if something isn’t working in my plan/goal/decision.

For the longest time I would never commit to working out because I would give other people my time and made people a priority over myself. Sad but many of us do this for reasons listed above or not really feeling worthy of committing to ourselves. As if its selfish to go to Zumba! …which I absolutely fell in love with recently.

Starting today:

• I commit to tracking all the food n drink I take in to help me see where I need to change my diet for weight loss. I aim to take in about 1200 to 1400 calories per day and commit to exercise twice a week for and hour.
• I commit  to meditate 5 min twice a day morning and night.
• I commit to increase readership of my blog my connecting with one new person or increase my Spiritual Endeavor Facebook group page.

If you would like to join me on a 30-day commitment journey please comment and we can support each other along our quest to regain our personal integrity to ourselves.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

I am heading to Panama in December 2010. My first trip out of the country. I am very excited and hope you join me on my adventures. There will be a bit of tweeking the blog’s visuals and content..Stay tuned!

Many thanks for use of this photo By HelloMokona

On to my current lessons on how I am being schooled by life. Yeah there is a feeling of Good, Bad and Blah but its all positive since it is sending me on my journey with new ideas, tools, and experiences in my pocket for long road of life ahead.

A year has passed, and one LTR has ended-amicably. Now for the first time in over a year and a half or more if you count before I met my last love I am focusing on the future of my life I find myself awakening to my lessons that abound from that relationship and from my previous 33 years on Earth.

Here is the data so far:
RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF- This is how I enjoy my self, how interested in my own wishes, dreams, goals, self love (te-he) and so on are directly reflected in the outer world experiences of relationships of all kinds. Friendships not excluded.

Friends/Romantic partners see me in a certain way. Some of those relationships evolved in contrast to how I take care or feel about myself. Some love me more than others some demand that I take care of my self more and others are oblivious to how I take care of myself. The point being here the level of intimacy my personal relationship have are in direct correlation to how intimate and close I am with myself.

HAPPINESS-I have learned a great deal about the abstract that is happiness. One thing I learned is that it has to come from within or I/Anyone will be perpetually unhappy no matter what gifts are offered to him or her. Happiness is a choice but it also can not come from outside circumstances. This means your personal happiness is not determined by outside influences. For example someone says you are super awesome or a piece of garbage you can chose to not be burdened by someone else’s opinion of you if it does not reflect your true inner feeling about yourself.

LOVE-Being in love with someone is never enough to hold a relationship together. It does take two people to continue to choose each other daily. Holding on too tight will almost always crush what love is present. With open arms and hands and that freedom is what keeps love fresh and alive. I am not talking about threesomes or open relationships but freedom to be yourself as well as have separate space and time. Some people enjoy every breath of each other, while others need more distance in time and proximity from each other to see the contrast and value of the other. Neither is right or wrong just a understanding of each persons needs to help the flower of love grow.

NEEDS- I learned that it is very important to ask another what they need in order for the other person to feel loved and I should get the same respect in return. Some people enjoy words of flattery, others actions or interest or curiosity bestowed on a beloved. Learn what your counterpart needs,  don’t just give them what you need. Understanding the mirror of relationships helps you figure out you but in healthy relationships this mirror is a two way street.

COMMUNICATION and TRUST- The two most important items for healthy relations ever invented. Cave man grunts showing that he wants to watch tv after work to unwind…Cave woman has a need to chat about the foraging or that she is upset that cave man is cranky all the time but doesn’t know why…Communicating needs, issues, and being fully commited to the process of being a healthy participant in the relationship is a necessity. Trusting your partner will open up and be honest when speaking of needs or criticism is crucial to keep resentment, anger, or a life time of unhappiness or the death of a relationship will occur.

I hope you Love Big, Love Often, but most importantly learn about what you your personal needs are in order to feel loved and give that to yourself as well as asking your partner to do their part in adding to your happiness. After you have loved yourself again and again the bonus of the cuddling with your sweetie will become even more sweet knowing that you always had everything you ever needed to feel loved, inside of you. You just needed to give that to her(him).

Post Script-Self respect and calling out those who disrespect and devalue you can be liberating if not done just to validate your hurt feelings but actually awaken parts of you that need to reemurge. Talking  back personal power, claiming dignity for one’s self is one of the most important things in the world for self love. Living with integrity and keeping the personal ego in check can and will bring in healthier and healthier relationships the more you get to know and treat yourself to a cup of tea and some care.

Love and Hugs

Jen

Rubber Ducky Your the One!

Hey Ya’ll I have been busy with a wonderful life  changes and my  self care and my blog take a back seat for a hot minute.

Some life changes: Have been unemployed for way too long. Soon to be a school girl again.  Another change was meeting and then moving in with my wonderful man Joe that came into my life. The growth and changes have been fast, furious and life giving. Focus has been primarily on my relationship and myself care has been on the back burner. Bless my man, he encourages me to take a bath or to take care of myself.  Sometimes I am so filled with anxiety to stop and just Be sometimes but know it’s very important for myself as well as my relationship. I am finally taking heed and getting back to the whole me!

I am slowly learning self care. I have always known the value of self care even if not always practiced. Old habits I tend to fall back on like helping others before myself. Habits of ok I’ll drop everything for “you” and forget what I had planned. Or not planning enough “me” time activities or just fun which sometimes I forget to have cause I take life too seriously at times.

Here is what I am finally doing to honor and value myself:

Working Out and Eating Better- I really I feel awesome AFTER I get of the treadmill for a half hour. Getting there even though it is steps from work can be a challenge after a busy day but find it calms and distresses me. The food of which I am making a conscious effort to put more organic or living food in my body as well as taking my vitamins really has an effect on how my brain and stress levels are. Not that I don’t have goodies like chocolate cake or a nice raspberry beer but am now really understand the words -treat and moderation.

Quiet Time- Away from the addictive  Internets, TV, radio, or even books. Distractions are good but not when the inner self wants time to give you ideas, to solve problems or just relax and chill from the busyness of the world.

Writing- Journal writing and poetry are some of my mental outlets that help me listen to my inner self.

Reading with Action-Not just reading but putting into practice the ideas that speak truth to me as well as getting me off the know-it-all-horse and humbly move forward in action to change my life.

Bath Time-taking a hot bath just for myself nothing but the bubbles to keep me company, ok ducky you can come too but no splashing.

Taking Up New Hobbies-Knitting: I always admired others art with the duel needle and now slowly and surely am getting the hang of it.

Learning  Clarity-Taking time to be quiet and really getting clear about what I really really really want out of life. Taking away the scattered things on my list in my head and owning one thing at a time.

____

New blog mission: This blog will be a place where people can get fresh content, ideas, suggestions and reviews for self improvement and self acceptance in all areas of life. Becoming, Being and Beyond! I hope with the new changes and my new commitment to the blog I hope my regular readers will get more out of it’s content, as well as, attract new readers to  join the journey with ideas, suggestions, and community.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Pretty In Pink!

Finding myself again is an interesting process. Self/Personality/Intimate nature has been either locked away or hidden by fear of past pain or what it I lose something if I speak my truth. I am taking the rewarding approach by not condemning myself for my self imposed prison or self inflection of “I should have done this a long time ago.” Part of finding myself again is reclaiming my fem-fatal nature. I back in the day, I took pride in myself and enjoyed my girl-ness. I can’t say I was a make-up wearer everyday but enjoyed the comical outfits I put together or ones that showed my legs. Those physical characteristics that said to the outer world I care about myself. I am returning to said creature and even attempting the *gasp* what I have never done before, which is wear make-up everyday. My Feme transformation back to self also include self care of beauty, mind, heart and soul. All for later posts.
Fear of rejection, fear of being uninteresting has always kept me from that route of dating in a normal sense. Bizarre, since I can have great conversations with total strangers and I know their whole life story and they sometimes barely catch my name. I am learning that not everyone is interested in other people as I am. That is ok. I also learned from an old friend that maybe I need to be more interested in myself and express that a bit more without the shadow worried that it maybe exposed.
Strangest are my various loves of people or hobbies have come in and out and in again into my life. I am seeking a purpose driven life in a NON-Rick Warren way. Cautious because when I am engaged in someone else or something else I tend to lose myself to the detriment of myself and others. I am very open to those who have been in my inner circle for ages and trust that they are interested the words that come out of my mouth but for newer people I am coy and mysterious. I am falling in love with myself now to change that. Without all this being about me, me, and me in conversation I would like to contribute my true self to others without a wall. Slowly I hope I am getting there. 1st my make-up….

Invisiblity Cloak by robpatrick

Only one person has ever told me he loved me, and then a week or so later he broke up with me. Does that count? LOL It was long ago and it could be troubling if I didn’t think that I was the cat’s pajamas. I don’t always think of myself so highly but I am working on it. I have loved or been infatuated a few times but cupid didn’t strike us at the same time, usually. It’s funny, a friend of mine asked while we were talking in July if a particular person that I was speaking of noticed me. I said yes! Maybe for ego’s sake, or in that moment I thought I was noticed. But really, was I? I mean I guess in the physical sense, he would flirt, swap porn with me, and hug me but not really notice me, not on a core level. Or else dang, he would have seen just how awesome I am! LOL I think most if not all of us crave and long for someone to know the real us even if we go out in the world with disguises. It’s comforting to know someone wants to know you, all of you.
I know most of the time in the past, in jest with friends or hopeful romantic contenders, I would pull out all the stops for people to notice me. Hey, I even have a blog for Pete’s sake! Anybody notice? Thanks to the select few who read me. I get occasional new people, but beyond the Google and Yahoo Bots, the attempts at getting people to notice are not working. I need to market better.
Sometimes in my real life I feel missing even though I am in a room with people that I know love and care for me. My invisibility cloak turns on even when I don’t want it to. Depends on the moment-I have less of those experiences when people aren’t in competition for the group’s attention. I love group gatherings; it feels great to have tradition, family, and a sense of belonging. I love one-on-one conversations that get to the meat of other people. It’s hard to find the core of someone when distractions abound. I know for a fact my true friendships are kept sacred when we share one-on-one time.
This epiphany, I guess, is the forever seeking what I felt was missing. Wondering why I couldn’t give this to myself. Was it in the mechanism? I have to say that reconnecting to my poetry, my journals, and a feeling that maybe a few of you on- and off-line are listening has filled me immensely. Maybe that is why I wanted to be an actress for so many years, so people would notice. Maybe that is why I wanted to be a singer/songwriter. I want people to know ME even though most will only know the surface.
I could list the possible causes of my affliction, maybe due to lack of attention from Mom or a father figure. Maybe because there hasn’t been romantic love in my life as of yet that shows me who I am in their eyes. Maybe it’s that even though I am outgoing, I am private with who I REALLY am. I have to be able to be patient and show myself with trust that someone wants to know me. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to let go of the whys and continue to listen to myself more and express myself in artistic or other noble ways. Not seeking, not craving, just being.
I am friendly. I care about others. I am not more deformed than most. LOL I don’t think I have to be more obnoxious to be noticed! The performer in me disagrees loudly. I have tried that in the past; it doesn’t work and really, if anything, it annoys people. Not my intention except when I am actually looking to be silly or funny. I have to remember to be me. Sometimes I am quiet, reflective, funny, emotional, silly, loud, affectionate, and outrageous among other things. I guess this post is about loving myself enough not to push who I am onto others but also to build people into my life who want to know who I am, even when I have trouble talking about myself. Having a strong faith that when the time is right, as romance is concerned, the special someone for me will notice me and those words that I heard long ago will be made real. Oh Yeah!
Love and Hugs,
Jen

Black and White to Color by Thiophene_Guy

It’s amazing how time flies. I remember when I was in high school wanting to marry my then love and have like 6 kids, I saw the world as very black and white. Then I grew older, and slightly more grey etched into my view when more and more people (including me, much to my dismay) made choices that weren’t so moral or ethical in contrast to my past viewpoint. My spiritual philosophies have changed and grown ever more expansive in hopes to be less judgmental of others and myself. Deleting dogma and trying to stay in the present moment were apart of those changes. As I get even older and more experiences fill my life, I realize that I am, at once, not one thing all the time. I am a hypocrite. I am righteous. I am judgmental. I am obnoxious. I am loving. I am affectionate. I am a jokester. I am serious. I am sensitive. I over think and don’t think at all. I can get upset quickly and get over things quickly. I am friend and foe. I mumble. I sometimes talk with eloquence and sometimes sound like an idiot. I humiliate myself constantly when it comes to giving too much info about how I am feeling or thinking. My friends say, Here is the line and here is Jen Heart. Knowing that I have crossed the line yet again, I am comic relief for my perversions or outlandish speech. I am glad I am an idealist even if life circumstances or situations aren’t ideal. I am a good person with some bad tossed in for flavor. Some days I do way better than others. I try (Yoda says there is no try) to make choices in my life that won’t hurt others or myself. I sometimes do hurt people without intention. I am grayer still; it’s better than being 100% black in my thinking.

In the blink of a moment life can change. I meet someone and sparks fly and fire licks up and down my whole body. I meet really great people who end up in the friend zone within 30 seconds. Best friends for years leave when challenged to take sides, such as when we are reminders of old times after a divorce. I left relationships that were my everything, even when there was so much history, love, and friendship. Leaving due to feeling invalidated, and feeling like I never had a voice. The older I get, the more I know that major life events change dynamics, and sometimes just time changes things. New friends can come into my life and eventually either become totally enmeshed in my world or fade out.

A friend who knew me when I was greener about life (when I was about 16 to 23) by fate and opportunity contacted me again. It’s amazing how different and similar we both are to the people we were oh so long ago. My friend-who-knew-me-when started to inch back after my mom’s passing. She loved my mom and Mom always loved her. I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since my mom’s stroke. I know sometimes I express more of a dark view of my mom. I saw the sides she never showed to the outside and being a caregiver to her there is still some charge of not being cared for in the way I needed or wanted. Even for all the yucky stuff, I know my mom was an awesome, spectacularly strong, inventive, intelligent, sweet and loving woman. She was so generous in giving appreciation or wanting people to smile that she would give gifts to even the cashier at the grocery store. My mom made a lasting impression on people even if she met them for just 5 minutes. After her passing, I had the duty of contacting her business contacts or people she would chat with on the Internet. My mom was a mix of a social hermit. I get that from her, I assume. Where is my hole to hide but first I must dance with my comrades. Ha-Ha! Mom’s social network were the people she would sell to, help out, or give away things to on the Internet. So many of her Net friends showed so much love and told me how much she touched them. Those e-mails reminded me that she wasn’t the completely horrible person or parent I made her out to be. Less grey even still, I grow. Soon life will be all white by the time I am dead and gone.

Mom taught me so many things about people, how to see people in their brightest light even when they weren’t showing it at the moment. She taught me how to change my thinking and see the situation change when all I did was think about it from a different often positive or learning perspective. The black and white of her was that she was not always mentally available or financially stable for me. I was a great love in her life, as was my brother, but many times when I was expressing an emotion or myself in a way she didn’t want me to be she’d tune me out, literally. The grey in all my negative circumstances is that I got so much from her by her not being the perfect parent. I gained strength, knowledge, and the ability to love the imperfect, among so much more. The hardest part is throwing that unconditional love my own way or even at those whom I judge harshly for things that I may do under the right “lighting” or “motive.”

I never talk about it but I feel it’s important for others to know that it’s OK to ask how I am doing when it comes to Mom’s death. I know people don’t know what to say. Don’t want to bring it up for fear of making me upset. I know everyone is different and deals with death in a very personal way. I still don’t know what to say to other people when they lose someone dear. The times of thinking about Mom grow in longer stretches but I still am sad that she won’t be here when I am in a relationship with the love of my life, see me get married, or even have babies. I am so happy she got to dance with my brother at his wedding. I am happy that she got to live with me (even though it was brutal and nearly killed me) and she got to live with Billy and Lisa. We all had the chance to see the best and the worst of her to the bitter end. I know I am blessed to have had her be my teacher, my mother, and friend.

After all these years I can see I am different but similar. I still want to marry but have reduced the number of kids in my mind down to two. Realism of cost and actual time to devote to my kids; I want to give everything I never had. Those things like quality time, validation, listening to who they are and what their needs/feelings entail, resources, and security to name but a few. I know I already love them more than the moon and the stars. I can’t see them but I know they are waiting for me to get my act together. Ha-ha! Whenever that may be. I want to give them everything so they can be the best people they are meant to be. I want to devote my life to those I love, my friends, my lovers, and my passions in poetry, song, and pure creation. I want to be better than I am now but be OK and love myself even if I am not perfect. I want to show that life is better in the grey. It might not be easier but better, that I can attest to.

We are ever changing; who we are, our lives, and obviously our world is changing so quickly we sometimes can hardly breathe. I want to breathe more but I also want my breath taken away more. Here’s to the grey and all the colors that make life so not boring and far more complicated and exciting than I ever could have imagined.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Goo by Steve A

Most of us have the instinct of fight or flight. We come with a built-in system. If things aren’t feeling too good, we want to run away in case some tiger will eat us. When it comes to human relationships, this instinct comes out when we are in a super state of joy, insecurity, anger, wounding, or knowing that it’s time to get out of a situation for true happiness isn’t there. Within this delicate place where emotions can run amuck and without protective gear, we may be hit by flying emotional goo. There is a place where true intimacy and vulnerability can thrive. This place of opening up to others at risk of being hurt is a necessary evil in order to cross over to the land of true emotional intimacy.

Intimacy takes time because trust, communication, and understanding, as well as chemistry, need to build points of safety but sometimes after years if you don’t have it you may never have it. I know this from old relationships where I would give years over to someone, mind, body, and soul, and it was never reciprocal. I could say I wasted time but we had fun, some laughs, and I had many tears but most importantly I learned through those experiences what I need in a loving relationship.

What happens if the other party isn’t ready, willing, or able to cross the bridge with you into the rewarding but scary place of connection? Choices are endless—leave, stay, be in limbo forever—but in truth, even though it’s scary, our need to fill our emotional coffer is a package deal with romantic love. Even with true friendship, the exchange of truthful emotional expression is needed for a real relationship to flourish.

We all know someone (maybe ourselves) who may or may not admit they are looking, waiting, and keeping busy until true love comes in. We all disguise this want because in the 21st century it is noble to be independent and not want others in our lives to enhance breathing on Earth. There are some that may be perfectly content to be emotionally alone. There is nothing wrong with people who don’t want that aspect of living; however, I am not one of them. Like a newborn, I am in constant need of emotional availability from others and myself. Connection is what feeds me and without even a smidgen of it I would surely die. I am not trying to be dramatic but at 31 years old, I know what I need and want.

Self preservation has its purpose in order to keep ourselves fed and sheltered, but the wall that protects our hearts must come down in order to grow and really feel connection to the people we want in our little worlds. We honor those we love by letting them into how we think, feel, dream, and who we are, warts and all. It is a gift to give them our experience in the way we as individuals see the world. Views can be the same or very different, but it can only be true intimacy if we are authentic and truthful even in spite of our fears.

I am hopeful that I will have what I desire in intimate relations. I have but a tiny group of people where my wall crashes completely down and they see all the scars, imperfections, and love I have to give. I am hopeful that I will have that in my romantic life someday as well.

Here is to keeping my heart open for true intimacy with all my relations and not to be fearful of not being loved, being authentic, and most of all being myself.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

pain/tears/silence by darkroom11

I think I repeat patterns for many reasons.

1. Habit of not working hard, like easy roads with clear outcomes.
2. Nearly masochistic enjoyment when my heart does the same things over and over again to hurt myself.
3. Archetypes that are innumerable and help me be the clown, wounded child, and lonely hearts club member, to name but a few repeating themes.

Other fun stuff on my mind this week is that I have way too many interests, shiny things that catch my attention or desire. Choosing a path or a select few that hold my passion and love and will give me stability in all areas of life is a super challenge for me. Good to be creative and interested, bad if I am stuck in a corner worrying what to paint, to love, to write, and to act in a directive manner.

This weekend I was spending time with two good friends. I was inspired Saturday night and wrote numerous poems at their house and wrote many more Sunday and Monday. So I was productive and had fun. Go Figure?

I realize all-or-nothing thinking is always dangerous and, I know I need focus in desired dreams in order to reach them. Be it love, work, connection to the whole of life and health of mind, body, and spirit.

As a little girl I didn’t worry so much about choice of career or purpose. I had a talk show. I would dance, do gymnastics on my bed, I would interview imaginary people with my tape player, I would sing, I ran around wanting to be everything, loved being goofy and imaginative. My mom suggested I be a hairdresser or teacher. Yuck, I always scoffed. I just wanted people to laugh or enjoy what show I was doing. I was giving many a performance to an imaginary audience or my mom, nana, or brother. Man, I wish I could recapture what that little girl had.

I’m realizing now at 31 years old that I have a whole lot of life left to make my dreams happen even when I feel so hopeless and feel I haven’t fully given any of my true dreams a shot. Feeling as if I couldn’t do whatever it is my heart wants me to sing. I desire many things before I die in this lifetime, many just having to do with loving the people I ensconce myself with and those I would love to touch in the future with my own unique spirit.

I am very close to my silly happy-go-lucky side as well as my self-loathing pain-filled side. I know it’s OK to love both but my love of my pain or consistent internal suffering isn’t productive for a loving, generous, compassionate, and meaningful life. Does make for great art of any substance though!

I look to my friends, family, and spirit to guide me so I can share my love with others as well as with myself.

Suggestions?

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Different point of view by tonythemisfit

As always when I am looking or am open to signs from the Universe, many tiny threads of synchronicity show up. They usually pop up to either teach me something, inspire me to take action, or give me guidance that I am following the right path. This week I feel the signs and here are a few things that are getting me inspired.

I am reading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell, I know a little behind the times or maybe just right when I needed to read it. Another wonderful inspiration who injected caliente flavor back into my life, my favorite nerdy cutie, Tim Ferriss. He inspires me to travel, and love life and myself again, Here is this week’s post of Why Bigger Goals = Less Competition via his blog. Last but not least, from my DVD collection, the movie My Date With Drew.

The themes within each of these inspirations are connected or highlighted by various signposts. Sometimes these signs need translation. As an intuitive and empath, I can see threads in my own life when I am not blocking life. For others it tends to be easier as I am not “emotionally invested” in a particular outcome. I know that everyone has seen or felt these signs and we get either excited by them or scared and brush them off. My hope is to inspire others to open up to life in order to listen to these markers. In the past I had really clear markers on my own intuition and mistook them for things that they weren’t. That’s the trouble with translating the intangible sometimes. Through experience I learned that I needed not to push what I wanted onto the signposts and let life move me to my next destination.

These connections help me dream big impossible dreams like the Man from La Mancha. Tim says one should go for the bigger impossible dreams due to less competition. Drew Barrymore speaks of taking risks and loves that she may be a marker of fate that inspires Brian to go after his dreams (one of which was to have a date with Drew). The Tipping Point helps show the interconnectivity of our emotions and energy and their ability to change the flow of things, like Hush Puppies’ popularity, Paul Revere spreading news of the British invasion, or help being provided after a tsunami.

Sometimes I get an idea or person stuck in my head like Tim Ferriss. My intuition is turned on “repeat” on a topic until I ask, So what is the message? As interesting as Tim seems, there isn’t a logical reason for me to continue to be pulled by his aura, especially since I have never met him. Other times when I get a stomachache or can’t sleep, I know something is up and wait for news. Before I moved out of my apartment in Montclair, NJ, I wasn’t sleeping well and had dreams of a fire. A few days later my ceiling caved in on my boo-boo kitty. Luckily he was OK. He is sleeping right beside me now like a good boy. After I moved out, there was a fire in the building directly next to my old apartment. Signs are good as long as you know what to do with them. I was lucky that the ceiling inspired a move so that Shadow and I would not be engulfed in flames.

My best friend Meghan told me recently that one of the things she likes about me is my ability to dream. She has known me since the 10th grade and has seen many dreams come out of my head. I bet she is laughing right now. I think Tim on repeat has a lot to do with reminding me to take life by the cojones. It could mean I am on the right path as long as I continue to listen and see signs of feeling good about where I am headed.

I have many dreams and aspirations. Here are my main priorities this year.

• To find a great sustaining love with an intelligent, funny, caring, and cute guy that will eventually lead to marriage, kids, the whole shebang.
• To find work that helps others and incorporates flexibility, possible travel, communicating with many different cultures, and reigniting my Spanish and French. I have a phone interview tomorrow for a job as described. Eek, so excited!
• I intend to learn more about how I can personally contribute to my favorite charities. One especially dear to my heart is the medical fund at Start II, an animal rescue group that saves abused and abandoned animals.
• I also intend to publish my poetry, write more poetry, post blogs, seek freelance writing assignments, and start outlines for two or three book ideas.

Intuitive signs and inspiration even came when I named this blog way back in March 2007. My brother and I were sitting in my office looking for open domain names. I knew I wanted the direction of the blog to be spiritual but not necessarily religious, and my brother noted I had this quote by Henry David Thoreau on my wall.

If people advance confidently in the direction of their dreams,
and endeavor to live the life which they have imagined,
they will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

God love Thoreau, that man really knew how to live! I love how these connected threads show me how to live an inspired life and to follow my dreams. Godspeed to live the way you always dreamed.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Coming back to life after a power struggle within myself. Looks like things are on the upswing as my mood is back to enthusiastic levels again. I find life with its ebbs and flows reminds me about my personal philosophies in addition to A: a horoscope and B: a stranger’s judgment.

Truth is always stranger than fiction and this week I was told I will be tested on my spiritual or life philosophy and realizing that I have my own magic to make and it’s OK if no one believes in my magic as long as God and I are on the same page.

A recap for all those not keeping score: I once was a Catholic girl, not too many short plaid skirts in my closet now although I have a nice Rosary collection. I believe God exists but not the way that is most traditional. I believe that Jesus lived on Earth and was a Highly Evolved Spirit that came to teach us. However, I do not think God started and stopped talking when Jesus came. I think we needed Jesus but if the message wasn’t clear from Him, there are many teachers out there spreading a similar if not the same message dressed up all fancy.

I think all, even people who are “evil,” have God-stuff in them or are of God-stuff but for various reasons unknowable to all of us they do negative works. (Beyond the surface ego stuff like they need money, are greedy, angry, blah blah blah.) I believe that the Universe is governed by many laws; some of them are Attraction, Paradoxical Intent, Karma, and many more. I also believe that with faith, hard work, and positive thinking, you can be and do whatever you want. I think what you may want depends on your purpose on Earth and not everybody needs to be a rock star in order to be somebody. I think everybody is Somebody for the uniqueness they bring into the world or else they wouldn’t be in this tapestry we call life.

I had a phone interview this week, which brought a very unusual situation to speak my mind when asked about my philosophies. It’s strange that if I don’t follow the same code of life or how God works, the way I see it I lose out on an opportunity because they decided they didn’t want me thinking differently. I have no hard feelings, as it was God’s test for me. I know a brighter future is out there for me. The silly part about the situation is that I am like the spiritual U.N. I try not to judge and enjoy people for who they are, especially if they are different from me. I hang out with atheists who are wonderful, intelligent, good, ethical people. I also hang out with very cool, down-to-earth Born Again-ers, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Agnostics, Christians, Episcopalians, Catholics, or general non-affiliates. Now working with super-negative people takes its toll on me, but wherever I am meant to serve I will go. If I need a spiritual cleanse I know what to do now.

To me everyone is on Earth for his or her purpose and usually even unconsciously we are all connected to someone else’s purpose. We are never separate from each other. Authors need readers, musicians need listeners, products need buyers, lovers need lovers, friends need friends, we need trees and trees need us. Happy Tree Hugger, aren’t I!

If bad things happen, I can guarantee that the pendulum will swing and good will come back stronger. Now the good that comes back may not be seen by all at the time, but eventually down the road, like 20/20 vision, most will see the good that comes out of a negative situation. Choices, decisions, or circumstances affect all things. We must make an effort to trust the process like a mama bird trusts that her baby will fly as she pushes her baby out of the nest. Trusting that the Universe/God will have your back is good for your mental health. To think one is condemned, for example: what would give anyone the recourse to change their life if all there was was a dead end and pitchforks?

Judgment for all the bad in the world is not my job. That is for the Prime Mover to know. To me God knows all the details and the reasons, whys, and hows, and has UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for all of it. I believe there is a purpose for the “negative” in the world as well. It’s our job to listen to our intuition and use the spark within us to do good works, and ask for guidance to help the world and its issues. My job is to do the very best to not be a part of the problem without becoming closed off from the world. My job as well is to add joy and love to the planet. Jesus hung out with the people most people don’t want to hang out with because He loved them just the same! I like that and strive to love everyone the same, especially when they seek to harm others or me.

I am sure, since I was hung up on, that I made a fiend instead of a friend and only hope that said stranger reduces judging others, lest ye be judged. I am like Charlotte, I think everyone is a friend in my heart even if they do not feel the same for me.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Lightning on the Columbia River by phatman

This week has been very interesting and humbling. I am still looking for work, income, or a way to make money from my poetry or creative endeavors. Sold my car to a very wonderful family in Jersey City. I even hope to continue a friendship with these very interesting people. Got great tips about traveling to India and Japan from my Hyundai’s new adopted family.

Tuesday evening my roommate Jeanette and I had a major storm and lost power for about 3 days. We had some food spoilage but overall we fared well. Candlelight and peace from the computer was nice. Heat was something to contend with but really nothing tragic in the grand scheme of things. Friends offered help and/or words of encouragement. Finished 2 books and almost done my 3rd one.

My humility comes from asking for help from many sources including God. Not that I was asking God to save my hot dogs but for me to find my own peace about my current life challenges. Many things happen to many people, including financial worry and lack of electricity. I still can’t say enough about the book that I raved about in my last post, Left To Tell. It reminds me of prayer and gratitude, the genocide that is happening now in Darfur, and awakening to my own American entitlement and spoiled nature. I used to think because of my past that I was humble. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I was and still am blessed beyond measure to live in the U.S. even with its faults. I am blessed that my cross(es) that I bear have been to say the least minimal or blown out of sorts by my own negative thinking or lack of self-confidence. Positive thinking and faith are keys to success, my friends. I am also in awe this week of those who really do have strong faith and an ability to forgive and love freely at all costs or all rewards depending on your perspective.

I pray this feeling of humility and personal/spiritual power continues.

I would love it if you would speak about your own blessings in your life. Please share! I love to hear good news!

Hugs,
Jen

Unemployment by Marvins_Dad

I have to say the on-again-off-again lifestyle wouldn’t be so bad if I were financially safe and secure, and I would think nothing of being out of work. Being creative about making even a small bit of cash is at best “interesting.” I have lived in various wealth categories: poor, homeless, taking care of business, saving and spending, and “at least I have my health!”

Now I like to think every experience, either breathing or going through a great or not-so-great time, deserves to be viewed in a Spiritual spotlight.

• Can I be more humble?
• Can I be more grateful?
• What can I learn?
• How did I get here?
• What thoughts, conditioning, self-issues are at play here?
• How can I change my thoughts, actions, and feelings to improve the situation?
• Is my personal discipline a factor?
• Am I taking stock of where my purpose lies?

You would also think, with a lot of time and freedom, my physical form would be at the very least tighter. I don’t have the excuse that I don’t have time for exercise. Alas, not so much. A schedule would work I suppose, at least a rhythm of life so I am not surfing the net, wallowing in self pity, or watching TV for hours and hours.

It’s funny, until the release of the fear that the Universe will take care of you, things can be blocked. Maybe it’s for humbling purposes; maybe it’s supposed to channel me to another path, maybe I am learning about faith.

Job, the famous biblical figure, had to go through a whole heck of a lot more than I (I hope!) to have faith that no matter what God/Life threw at him he would survive. We all can do more than survive with a healthy positive attitude. Maybe we have to think about someone like Immaculee Ilibagiza, and the reality of losing my car or having to pay bills much later than desired isn’t so bad. The knack to surviving your own economic downturn maybe is putting on an inner smile when the clouds are overhead. No one can take away your smile, and it doesn’t cost a thing!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

What everyone should do! Priceless! by shuttercat7

Sl spirituality and charity. Live richly with being aware of the bottom line. Read The 4 Hour Work Week or The Simple Living Guide for more info.

Sorry I haven’t posted for a bit. I have been feeling a bit off-kilter due to finances. Please forgive me!

I am making a prediction, which maybe isn’t one but I am hopeful it will come to pass. America will become a simplistic society in time, waste, living, and values in the next 20 years. I say this because of the America we see today. The crazy housing market, debt ratios, and pain of more and more people realizing that stuff only puts a temporary Band-Aid on pain, sadness, and self-esteem issues.

Simplicity is the art of reducing life to key components that you value. Like everything, life is a balance. Some people enjoy living frugally and splurging on key things like health, love, travel, books, self growth, learning, personal spirituality, and charity. Live richly while being aware of the bottom line. Read The 4 Hour Work Week or The Simple Living Guide

The direction America could swing is coming to the realization that the Big Mac that they are eating isn’t what they value, although by the purchase it seems like it is for the moment. We have lost sight of what does matter in our culture. It’s not to say you shouldn’t have needs met with dental, medical care, or a warm bed. If what you value is 400-thread Egyptian cotton but you can’t afford your car payment, your priorities may be out of whack. However, if all things are in order and fine sheets are what you want then be my guest. The lesson here is not to be stingy with oneself for the sake of it but to really prioritize what you or your family personally value. The Joneses have been dead since the 50s, but we are still looking at them for what shiny car they bought and for their approval. Honestly they can’t even afford those things now so don’t try to be like them.

My personal simple journey is, in part, knowing what I value and what my childhood lacked. I am still trying to outrun my ego needs of running away and feeling valuable. I remember when I was maybe 20 I had excellent credit, steady work, and then my childhood needs took me shopping. I remember in one day I went to Ikea and spent $1200. This was a splurge and not preplanned. My need to feel OK about myself, to feel deserving or worthy, made me buy my bedroom furniture and entertainment center on credit. After floundering, being unhappy at work, leaving jobs, and being depressed, it took me nearly 7 years and then some to pay off that and other debt. In the meantime, I am learning now about doing what one has to do to stay afloat even if you don’t want to. (Minus stress of work that becomes a mental health concern.) It doesn’t mean you have to do “it” forever. To this day I am still learning lessons and realizing that personal happiness may not come from money, but lack of security and stability will give you an awful feeling that isn’t fun. Motivation to action or depression, it is your choice!

I myself have been good and bad at simplicity. The good, I don’t own much of what I don’t value. I know people and places interest me more than too many things to clutter my life with. I have enough paper for that!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

We all know everyone suffers setbacks, walls that seem to hold you back and even just feathers that seem like walls. When reaching that feather wall you can be so frustrated you don’t realize how easy it is to move the feather to reach your potential. My pattern was to run away from disappointment. Man I was like the roadrunner when it comes to running away but eventually the feeling of lack of worthiness would creep in and boy did it tackle me. Whining to my Mom or anyone who would listen and even that grew tiring. Sometimes disappointment would cripple me so bad that I really couldn’t see the way to change the situation. Life tends to move forward and I would ask, where is the next hurdle?

I know that the lessons weren’t really about not getting the guy, the job, or the fact I wished life was different; it was me wanting me to be different. I thank disappointment, as it taught me not to give up on myself. That took oh many many years people! I am sure I will be attacked by the Disappointment Bear now and again. Although I will hug him now as he isn’t as scary as he once was. LOL Avoiding disappointment is like avoiding your face. Eventually you have to look at it to be ok with it. I also think disappointment is a great marker for what you care about. How would you know if you always got everything you ever wanted easily? To me that would be like a place without growth. I know the experience also teaches me whether or not I want something bad enough. In the past I didn’t have my inner cheerleader standing by to say You can do it! Or Why not try you’ll be no worse for ware. Self assurance is a quality everyone needs to learn. I still like a friend/family cheerleader now an again but now know I will go for my goals, aspirations, and the guy even if I fall on my face a few times. Thank goodness for plastic surgery. (Kidding!)

Personal expectations tend to high when you have a disappointing feeling in your midst. Expectations will be another future post.

I hope there is a sense of ease now when you are hit with setbacks and roadblocks. As always life loves to see how we fare under conditions of variety. I would love to hear your stories and how you have overcome or been shaken but not stirred. Any perspective on riding the waves of life would excellent, as I think we can all learn from one another.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Well, well, little miss I hate doing anything that expends energy. Speaking to myself of course. I used to be so efficient (umm lazy), so much so that when I went to take in the laundry from the laundromat I would nearly kill myself my carrying two 30 lbs bags up the stairs just so I wouldn’t have to go up and down again. Awake again from a life coma, I know that hard work is in order to claim what I want in life. If I want to manifest things in my life like being 112 lbs, writing an e-book for ending depression, making more than enough money than I will ever need and finding a fabulous guy to date and eventually marry, I have to do the leg work. Manifesting takes many angles. One, is the affirmative thought one has the goal attained with belief. Another the feeling(s) you have as if the goal is achieved and doing the leg work by changing thinking and behavior to meet the universe more than halfway to reach said goal. Finally the trickiest part, the ability to let go of control, give up the result (No feeling like you will die if you don’t accomplish or attain) and be patient.

All those things I have been able to do rather unconsciously and others times really push through and sometimes give up when the going got to “hard”. Now my mind set is clearer and stopping on my journey is not an option. Knowing what I want helps a great deal, still fuzzy on some stuff but over all have a better idea now more than ever. My mind and body fight me at times but my Spirit says I am Already There. The great thing about Spirit is that it knows no obstacle or resistance. Us humans have that luxury. After working out to a brutal Killian Michaels workout today and reading T. Have Eker is that, being fully committed to a goal be it fitness, love, money, adding contribution to the world, ________ fill in the blank, takes effort. That doesn’t mean you won’t have somethings fall on your lap but for the most part the doing creates the accomplishment. The belief or the knowing that it already IS, is just the visual your mind and body need to believe Spirit when it says It is already So!

As I kick myself and love myself, I ask do I have what it takes to do the hard work? Do I want these goals bad enough to challenge the status quo, without the easy, fries with that shake? How about you, you may work at a job that you hate because its easy. Do you avoid dating because someone may actually challenge your thinking or mirror yourself? Or hey maybe they will love the way you laugh and you have to deal with that?

Do you really think your gonna win the lotto if you don’t get off the couch and drive so far away to the 7-11 and purchase one. Neither is sitting on the couch and wishing for the inches to disappear while watching the Biggest Loser. I know, I tried and it didn’t work. *Tear* I guess I am working out to be steamy hot. At least I am stronger, faster and I have the technology to manifest again and again.

I hope I have stirred within that makes you say to yourself, Go Big or Go Home!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

*Caveat, if you do have voices in your head beside your own I would suggest two things: 1) Seek mental help. I can’t speak for other intuitives but other voices that are not your own shouldn’t be in your head. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel, hear or see guides but it is obviously different than a negative protagonist that speaks to you in a negative way. 2) You may be tuning into lower astral riffraff. This lower energy isn’t really able to harm you however “they” try to confuse which is a part of that energies goal. I For the most part am the causal affect of negative mental noise or self hate. I will do a post later on with more information on psychic attack. You can tell these “voices” are lower energies or your own negative self talk by checking in with your Higher Self and noticing whether the thoughts are of the Agape/Loving thoughts or consistent habitual thought processes that most people have. A good way to change your self talk is to check in and refer to what God/Loving Vibration would say to you about such issues. I am sorry for the tangent and I digress. *

The point of this post is to get you to think about why we are perfectionist and how to change the thinking that makes it so tempting to put all this pressure upon oneself. Mind you this is not a license to not to do your best and give your projects, relationships and life your all. However, letting go of perfectionism will give you a level of peace and help release insecurities of holding the need to be perfect which we all no is impossible.

This devil of perfectionism can be placed in out heads by parental, societal and moral pressures. This can manifest by trying to being Super Woman or Man and taking on more than we can chew as well as not wanting to disappoint people. This can cause self hate when we don’t do or say all of what WE expect others are expecting from us. Most people are in their own world, generally thinking about their own insecurities and only expect things that are from their reference point. Most of the time unless you are intimately relating you will not know their expectations and really you shouldn’t worry about it any way.

That said, quelling perfectionism is an on going process like correcting false ideas about what the “shoulds” are in your life. Please take it down a notch, have fun and live by your own honor code not by someone else’s.

Love and Hugs

Jen

This week was great- Status of greatness: I got awesome chocolates from a cute, intelligent and passionate guy, who I have a school girl crush on. It’s a bit romantic to get a Valentine from a person you have never met. Even though it was a contest of sorts -my wit, humor and sex appeal aided, I gather, to gaining the sweet gesture. Nice!!! I will have to get my Go Go Yubari outfit from the back of my closet to show off my school girl uniform.

I worked in the city this past week. Easy graphic job that paid nicely for 2 and a half days work. Not too shabby.

I went out with my roommate and good friend Jeanette, Friday night. We went to a local dance place to gt our dance on and celebrating our woman hood. Saw an old male acquaintance. He is very good-looking but he is a player to the 10th power. He tried kissing me, an ego boost maybe but he was not signaled for take off. I wasn’t flirting just being friendly – there is a difference! From me you can tell by the way I smile, my coyness, shyness or balls out straight forwardness whether or not I am interested. No signal from my part but c’est la vie. It’s a nice reminder that I am attractive even when I am not back into my hot pants yet. Soon, Soon!

Finally, even though with fuzzy head, I am looking toward my future. What I want and how I will attain it. A little help from the universe and some gusto. I can get bogged down by all the shiny in the world. This oyster of a world can have so much to do and be and love that I have to remember to prioritize as there are other days, weeks, months where the shiny can be claimed. Not all at once or all the time. Somethings are nice all at once. Hugging, kissing, and walking hand in hand with someone special while visiting a exotic place or going to Trader Joe’s. Reading a book while your honey just sitting reading his book an occasional sexy glance or oh my check this out moment. Other shiny things like getting a passport or working out can be solo and probably done not simultaneously. I am not walking to the nearest processing center which is about 250 miles away. LOL

So all in all, a great week of moving forward, catching some romance and gaining focus.

Love and Hugs

Jen

Love and Hugs

Jen

I am starting off by stating at one time I was a full fledged, go to church every Sunday Catholic for a good time in my late teens into my early twenties. I still have a love of Rosary Beads, Jesus, pomp and circumstance and frankincense. I however, for many sociological, moral, and personal reasons don’t believe in the dogma of the Church. So when I read this article about how the Pope wants the teaching of limbo to include the hope that God will give special dispensation for unbaptized babies going to hell. I wanted to laugh and Praise the Lord for real.

Additionally in the article the Rev. Richard McBrien, professor of theology at the University of Notre Dame, states “….we’re left with only one option, namely, that everyone is born in the state of grace.”

Finally someone who speaks my language! My personal belief is that we are all apart of God, the Spirit or soul is in direct connection to God, Source, All That Is, The Universe ect, all of the time… To think God would throw anyone away especially, babies is another way to make people believe in an Unloving God and the connection to said is gone. To feel that for a simple thing like lack of baptism could keep one from God’s love is absurd. The ego and ideas of self disapproval, unworthiness and just plain false information separates us from God and feelings of Unconditional Love that is in constant flow to everyone all the time. Many just haven’t tuned in or the haven’t let go of old conditioning.

The world would be a calmer and more peaceful and cooperative place if everyone KNEW and BELIEVED in Unconditional Love.

Think of the love you would show yourself and others if that channel was clear. Wouldn’t you treat your body better? Wouldn’t you say things more sweetly? Wouldn’t you we more grateful and want to express Godness and Goodness everyday? Wouldn’t you have faith in the process and journey of living?
I hope everyone gives themselves a Big Hug and have learned that God Truly Loves You. The energy of the Highest Vibration is Love and by being loving and compassionate to everyone and everything you are loving God and raising the vibration in the world.

Love and Hugs

Jennifer