Spiritual Endeavor

Black and White to Color by Thiophene_Guy

It’s amazing how time flies. I remember when I was in high school wanting to marry my then love and have like 6 kids, I saw the world as very black and white. Then I grew older, and slightly more grey etched into my view when more and more people (including me, much to my dismay) made choices that weren’t so moral or ethical in contrast to my past viewpoint. My spiritual philosophies have changed and grown ever more expansive in hopes to be less judgmental of others and myself. Deleting dogma and trying to stay in the present moment were apart of those changes. As I get even older and more experiences fill my life, I realize that I am, at once, not one thing all the time. I am a hypocrite. I am righteous. I am judgmental. I am obnoxious. I am loving. I am affectionate. I am a jokester. I am serious. I am sensitive. I over think and don’t think at all. I can get upset quickly and get over things quickly. I am friend and foe. I mumble. I sometimes talk with eloquence and sometimes sound like an idiot. I humiliate myself constantly when it comes to giving too much info about how I am feeling or thinking. My friends say, Here is the line and here is Jen Heart. Knowing that I have crossed the line yet again, I am comic relief for my perversions or outlandish speech. I am glad I am an idealist even if life circumstances or situations aren’t ideal. I am a good person with some bad tossed in for flavor. Some days I do way better than others. I try (Yoda says there is no try) to make choices in my life that won’t hurt others or myself. I sometimes do hurt people without intention. I am grayer still; it’s better than being 100% black in my thinking.

In the blink of a moment life can change. I meet someone and sparks fly and fire licks up and down my whole body. I meet really great people who end up in the friend zone within 30 seconds. Best friends for years leave when challenged to take sides, such as when we are reminders of old times after a divorce. I left relationships that were my everything, even when there was so much history, love, and friendship. Leaving due to feeling invalidated, and feeling like I never had a voice. The older I get, the more I know that major life events change dynamics, and sometimes just time changes things. New friends can come into my life and eventually either become totally enmeshed in my world or fade out.

A friend who knew me when I was greener about life (when I was about 16 to 23) by fate and opportunity contacted me again. It’s amazing how different and similar we both are to the people we were oh so long ago. My friend-who-knew-me-when started to inch back after my mom’s passing. She loved my mom and Mom always loved her. I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since my mom’s stroke. I know sometimes I express more of a dark view of my mom. I saw the sides she never showed to the outside and being a caregiver to her there is still some charge of not being cared for in the way I needed or wanted. Even for all the yucky stuff, I know my mom was an awesome, spectacularly strong, inventive, intelligent, sweet and loving woman. She was so generous in giving appreciation or wanting people to smile that she would give gifts to even the cashier at the grocery store. My mom made a lasting impression on people even if she met them for just 5 minutes. After her passing, I had the duty of contacting her business contacts or people she would chat with on the Internet. My mom was a mix of a social hermit. I get that from her, I assume. Where is my hole to hide but first I must dance with my comrades. Ha-Ha! Mom’s social network were the people she would sell to, help out, or give away things to on the Internet. So many of her Net friends showed so much love and told me how much she touched them. Those e-mails reminded me that she wasn’t the completely horrible person or parent I made her out to be. Less grey even still, I grow. Soon life will be all white by the time I am dead and gone.

Mom taught me so many things about people, how to see people in their brightest light even when they weren’t showing it at the moment. She taught me how to change my thinking and see the situation change when all I did was think about it from a different often positive or learning perspective. The black and white of her was that she was not always mentally available or financially stable for me. I was a great love in her life, as was my brother, but many times when I was expressing an emotion or myself in a way she didn’t want me to be she’d tune me out, literally. The grey in all my negative circumstances is that I got so much from her by her not being the perfect parent. I gained strength, knowledge, and the ability to love the imperfect, among so much more. The hardest part is throwing that unconditional love my own way or even at those whom I judge harshly for things that I may do under the right “lighting” or “motive.”

I never talk about it but I feel it’s important for others to know that it’s OK to ask how I am doing when it comes to Mom’s death. I know people don’t know what to say. Don’t want to bring it up for fear of making me upset. I know everyone is different and deals with death in a very personal way. I still don’t know what to say to other people when they lose someone dear. The times of thinking about Mom grow in longer stretches but I still am sad that she won’t be here when I am in a relationship with the love of my life, see me get married, or even have babies. I am so happy she got to dance with my brother at his wedding. I am happy that she got to live with me (even though it was brutal and nearly killed me) and she got to live with Billy and Lisa. We all had the chance to see the best and the worst of her to the bitter end. I know I am blessed to have had her be my teacher, my mother, and friend.

After all these years I can see I am different but similar. I still want to marry but have reduced the number of kids in my mind down to two. Realism of cost and actual time to devote to my kids; I want to give everything I never had. Those things like quality time, validation, listening to who they are and what their needs/feelings entail, resources, and security to name but a few. I know I already love them more than the moon and the stars. I can’t see them but I know they are waiting for me to get my act together. Ha-ha! Whenever that may be. I want to give them everything so they can be the best people they are meant to be. I want to devote my life to those I love, my friends, my lovers, and my passions in poetry, song, and pure creation. I want to be better than I am now but be OK and love myself even if I am not perfect. I want to show that life is better in the grey. It might not be easier but better, that I can attest to.

We are ever changing; who we are, our lives, and obviously our world is changing so quickly we sometimes can hardly breathe. I want to breathe more but I also want my breath taken away more. Here’s to the grey and all the colors that make life so not boring and far more complicated and exciting than I ever could have imagined.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Goo by Steve A

Most of us have the instinct of fight or flight. We come with a built-in system. If things aren’t feeling too good, we want to run away in case some tiger will eat us. When it comes to human relationships, this instinct comes out when we are in a super state of joy, insecurity, anger, wounding, or knowing that it’s time to get out of a situation for true happiness isn’t there. Within this delicate place where emotions can run amuck and without protective gear, we may be hit by flying emotional goo. There is a place where true intimacy and vulnerability can thrive. This place of opening up to others at risk of being hurt is a necessary evil in order to cross over to the land of true emotional intimacy.

Intimacy takes time because trust, communication, and understanding, as well as chemistry, need to build points of safety but sometimes after years if you don’t have it you may never have it. I know this from old relationships where I would give years over to someone, mind, body, and soul, and it was never reciprocal. I could say I wasted time but we had fun, some laughs, and I had many tears but most importantly I learned through those experiences what I need in a loving relationship.

What happens if the other party isn’t ready, willing, or able to cross the bridge with you into the rewarding but scary place of connection? Choices are endless—leave, stay, be in limbo forever—but in truth, even though it’s scary, our need to fill our emotional coffer is a package deal with romantic love. Even with true friendship, the exchange of truthful emotional expression is needed for a real relationship to flourish.

We all know someone (maybe ourselves) who may or may not admit they are looking, waiting, and keeping busy until true love comes in. We all disguise this want because in the 21st century it is noble to be independent and not want others in our lives to enhance breathing on Earth. There are some that may be perfectly content to be emotionally alone. There is nothing wrong with people who don’t want that aspect of living; however, I am not one of them. Like a newborn, I am in constant need of emotional availability from others and myself. Connection is what feeds me and without even a smidgen of it I would surely die. I am not trying to be dramatic but at 31 years old, I know what I need and want.

Self preservation has its purpose in order to keep ourselves fed and sheltered, but the wall that protects our hearts must come down in order to grow and really feel connection to the people we want in our little worlds. We honor those we love by letting them into how we think, feel, dream, and who we are, warts and all. It is a gift to give them our experience in the way we as individuals see the world. Views can be the same or very different, but it can only be true intimacy if we are authentic and truthful even in spite of our fears.

I am hopeful that I will have what I desire in intimate relations. I have but a tiny group of people where my wall crashes completely down and they see all the scars, imperfections, and love I have to give. I am hopeful that I will have that in my romantic life someday as well.

Here is to keeping my heart open for true intimacy with all my relations and not to be fearful of not being loved, being authentic, and most of all being myself.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

I love how interesting people or people whom I find interesting (which is everyone) get together in magical ways to create or add pizzazz to my day. I am a fan of Neil Gaiman. I was haphazardly introduced to The Sandman when visiting my (ex-boy then friend at RPI) where very cool architecture students would be into so much cool shit. Art, design, music, and sci-fi all forms of awesomeness in creative endeavors. The kind of sci-fi that peaked my interest and wasn’t of the Robert Aspirin or Asimov of my mom’s tastes. One girl, an anomaly at RPI (girls, that is) who my friend’s roommate was dating, talked about The Sandman. I was intrigued and jealous of this college girl even though I am sure I was nearly the same age. I wanted into that artistic coven. Although that portal to my future was not meant to be, I learned much from those artistic fellows through the brief encounters I had with them. Neil was one of them. I follow his blog now to keep up with the old scamp and gain a little creative juice. Check out his journal or website, you’ll be happy that you did. He’s written many things beyond The Sandman, including Batman in various film adaptations and in states of woe.

My friend Jay, who works at my brother and sister-in-law’s toy store, turned me onto Amanda Palmer. Jay is great at finding music and has good taste. He likes Tool and Tori Amos and, well, he’s tattooed. We could go on about the fine qualities of Jay but we will turn to Amanda, the woman he introduced my brother to from The Dresden Dolls. In turn, because I have idolized my brother to a fault since birth, the music that he imparts my way usually grabs me by the soul and doesn’t let go. The Dolls have a fab drummer, Brian, raw and amazing and, then there is Amanda. Ahahahaahahaha! Amanda. She is coming out solo for the moment on September 16. Helped by the producing stylings of Ben Folds. Awesome!

What is even more awesome is that Amanda enjoys a little band named They Might Be Giants. In addition to her admiration of TMBG’s Flood album, Depeche Mode, The Smiths, and others are among many fine bands that cover her MySpace page.

Then two great artists meet. Neil and Amanda working on the Who Killed Amanda Palmer book together. Dark, haunting, sexy, and intelligent—adjectives to describe the child of the two, and I will love to look into that book.

Bringing all of this to the present: one of my good friends, Aaron, blogged today and he referenced another blogger/poet/musician I had never heard of Saul Williams.

I investigate my friend’s reference. I am sure he has mentioned him in conversation before but lost the name and today it is readily available for me to download. My friend’s taste in music is vast and has many layers of overlap with my sensibilities. So I trust his taste immensely. Sure enough, Saul Williams is a brilliant writer and crazy brilliant for collaborating with one of the hottest men and greatest musicians to walk the earth today, Trent Reznor. But that isn’t the coolest part. Today, looking at Amanda Palmer’s MySpace page, I found the Neil Gaiman pic of them on a roof. I looked down at one of her commenting fans, “Eric,” referencing another blog she did about Saul Williams and how she thinks he FUCKING ROCKS! WTF?!!! Really . . . REALLY! Damn this solar eclipse and the universe—it is super trippy with all the emotions, creativity, and change that is going on for me and I am sure many of you.

All this is very odd, as in July I was bored and looking up stuff to do to meet new people and guys with similar interests who are cool and cute. So anyway, I joined Meet-Up looking for poetry or singing–song writing groups. I have written poetry for forever and had fantasies of being a singer/performer like everybody else and figured meeting like-minded friends would be a good place to open my horizons. I have yet to go to a meeting, mind you. July has been busy.

Maybe it’s only trippy in my world how things go to together and maybe you can’t see or feel the thread I do. It makes me feel that yeah, the Universe is so freaking BRILLIANT and astonishing, how everyone every second of every day isn’t in awe how we get to where we are going by our own choices and by the Universe throwing bombs or mines around us to get us to move in a direction that obviously makes our hearts sing or motivates us to grow and serve others. Art, music, communication are all ways we serve each other.

I wish I were as intelligent and artistic as all those featured in my post. As of yet I am not, but I am willing to strive for my artistic, intellectual, and spiritual pinnacle so others may be inspired by me or helped or comforted in some way, however it is I am expressing myself at the time. I enjoy writing, poetry, song, dance, talking, feeling, living, and laughing. I would love to paint myself on canvas literally but need a tarp and safe body paint to do it properly in my bedroom. But until I get naked and paint . . .

Today is just a day when I am in awe of my friends in the world who spark things inside of me, and in sharing my cherubs with you, I hope sparks fly out of you, too!

See your own amazing thread and see where it takes you! Please share!

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Firey Solar Eclipse by amodiovalerioverde

This weekend the stars and life have got me really creative, in various moods & emotions and thinking about what destiny has in store for me. I have a dualistic belief that some things in your life are predestined and some things are of choice. Maybe depending on the day, it may all seem very self-serving to think that I have control over my life. In some sense I have a fraction of control but feel at times life and my emotions take me on the journey. I know all good things have their time and purpose even if I have no idea what I am supposed to do in life beyond flickers of interest or desired intent or when my life feels like home.

I do feel that certain people and events happen in my life to influence or change my inner world, my beacon of direction and inspiration. I think these things are on purpose even if the event or person doesn’t know that they are in a synchronistic evolving journey with the collective and me. I only pray that the experience of these events and all these wonderful people that smash into my life will make me a better person, more full of life, happier, and thankful for the energy exchanged. I want to be transformed to be more of who I am supposed to be.

I pray you see the wonderful duality in life. The people and events that hit you upside the head and get you to think, move, grow, and love more than you ever dreamed. Hopeful that my destiny and choice meet me to take me under their wings and transport me to a place filled with creative magic, love, and the possibilities of making my own little heaven on earth.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

How do the stars affect our present life? Well, in simplified terms there are certain sparks, interests, life goals, as well inclinations on talents, things to grow and learn from to be gleaned from reading your natal chart. By studying a chart similar to mine, you can see where someone’s focus lies based on positions of planets within certain houses and such. Some people think astrology is some BS that just prevents people from taking charge of their own lives. I think if you know yourself better, then you can make better choices in your own life. One way to get to know yourself better is your astrological chart.

I am not talking about the horoscopes in a newspaper or magazine, as they just correlate a person’s sun sign and at best a few key items that affect the majority in that sign. A natal chart shows the true complexities of a person. The chart can show possible wishes, desires, past karma, and aptitudes. I know many people who do not fit their sun sign’s descriptive qualities, hence the daily horoscope in your paper may not be the best basis for decisions in your life.

A great place to check your own chart for free is Astro.com. You can also, if you know someone else’s birth information, find out about close compatriots in your life. To learn even more about the details of astrology houses, planets, and all you can check out CafeAstrology.com.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

pain/tears/silence by darkroom11

I think I repeat patterns for many reasons.

1. Habit of not working hard, like easy roads with clear outcomes.
2. Nearly masochistic enjoyment when my heart does the same things over and over again to hurt myself.
3. Archetypes that are innumerable and help me be the clown, wounded child, and lonely hearts club member, to name but a few repeating themes.

Other fun stuff on my mind this week is that I have way too many interests, shiny things that catch my attention or desire. Choosing a path or a select few that hold my passion and love and will give me stability in all areas of life is a super challenge for me. Good to be creative and interested, bad if I am stuck in a corner worrying what to paint, to love, to write, and to act in a directive manner.

This weekend I was spending time with two good friends. I was inspired Saturday night and wrote numerous poems at their house and wrote many more Sunday and Monday. So I was productive and had fun. Go Figure?

I realize all-or-nothing thinking is always dangerous and, I know I need focus in desired dreams in order to reach them. Be it love, work, connection to the whole of life and health of mind, body, and spirit.

As a little girl I didn’t worry so much about choice of career or purpose. I had a talk show. I would dance, do gymnastics on my bed, I would interview imaginary people with my tape player, I would sing, I ran around wanting to be everything, loved being goofy and imaginative. My mom suggested I be a hairdresser or teacher. Yuck, I always scoffed. I just wanted people to laugh or enjoy what show I was doing. I was giving many a performance to an imaginary audience or my mom, nana, or brother. Man, I wish I could recapture what that little girl had.

I’m realizing now at 31 years old that I have a whole lot of life left to make my dreams happen even when I feel so hopeless and feel I haven’t fully given any of my true dreams a shot. Feeling as if I couldn’t do whatever it is my heart wants me to sing. I desire many things before I die in this lifetime, many just having to do with loving the people I ensconce myself with and those I would love to touch in the future with my own unique spirit.

I am very close to my silly happy-go-lucky side as well as my self-loathing pain-filled side. I know it’s OK to love both but my love of my pain or consistent internal suffering isn’t productive for a loving, generous, compassionate, and meaningful life. Does make for great art of any substance though!

I look to my friends, family, and spirit to guide me so I can share my love with others as well as with myself.

Suggestions?

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Since having to sell my car due to unemployment I have re-entered the world a walker and public transportation junkie! I hope to save money to buy a folding bike so when I get work I can take the bus/train and can commute the rest of the way if the location is far from the transit stop. Until I gain speedy freedom on a bike, I have been learning my local bus routes. There are many tricks to the bus, apparently grocery shopping trips are easy but one may want to make sure the bus you are taking isn’t topped full of people. I am thankful to a very nice young woman who gave me that advice and graciously took me to another bus stop with a better chance for me and food would get a seat.

Learning to readjust to a new way of doing things. Especially if I am carrying extra loads now. Pre-planing and possibly a cab or smaller trips will have to be my main stay for a while. I see all of this as a positive learning experience as I am learning to plan my time, execution, and the planet. Not to shabby due to financial hardship of job loss. My butt shaping up more as well.

I have to say even with buses I walk more because I am still learning routes, have little cash from unemployment and me trying to not become a hermit as depression can sync in if I never leave the house. Libraries are great and general tying up loose ends, Newark, DMV, Ez-pass and the post office have become events where I can commune with people. I need to be around people even if I don’t know them a little interaction a smile and hello goes a long way.

Hugs,

Jen

Different point of view by tonythemisfit

As always when I am looking or am open to signs from the Universe, many tiny threads of synchronicity show up. They usually pop up to either teach me something, inspire me to take action, or give me guidance that I am following the right path. This week I feel the signs and here are a few things that are getting me inspired.

I am reading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell, I know a little behind the times or maybe just right when I needed to read it. Another wonderful inspiration who injected caliente flavor back into my life, my favorite nerdy cutie, Tim Ferriss. He inspires me to travel, and love life and myself again, Here is this week’s post of Why Bigger Goals = Less Competition via his blog. Last but not least, from my DVD collection, the movie My Date With Drew.

The themes within each of these inspirations are connected or highlighted by various signposts. Sometimes these signs need translation. As an intuitive and empath, I can see threads in my own life when I am not blocking life. For others it tends to be easier as I am not “emotionally invested” in a particular outcome. I know that everyone has seen or felt these signs and we get either excited by them or scared and brush them off. My hope is to inspire others to open up to life in order to listen to these markers. In the past I had really clear markers on my own intuition and mistook them for things that they weren’t. That’s the trouble with translating the intangible sometimes. Through experience I learned that I needed not to push what I wanted onto the signposts and let life move me to my next destination.

These connections help me dream big impossible dreams like the Man from La Mancha. Tim says one should go for the bigger impossible dreams due to less competition. Drew Barrymore speaks of taking risks and loves that she may be a marker of fate that inspires Brian to go after his dreams (one of which was to have a date with Drew). The Tipping Point helps show the interconnectivity of our emotions and energy and their ability to change the flow of things, like Hush Puppies’ popularity, Paul Revere spreading news of the British invasion, or help being provided after a tsunami.

Sometimes I get an idea or person stuck in my head like Tim Ferriss. My intuition is turned on “repeat” on a topic until I ask, So what is the message? As interesting as Tim seems, there isn’t a logical reason for me to continue to be pulled by his aura, especially since I have never met him. Other times when I get a stomachache or can’t sleep, I know something is up and wait for news. Before I moved out of my apartment in Montclair, NJ, I wasn’t sleeping well and had dreams of a fire. A few days later my ceiling caved in on my boo-boo kitty. Luckily he was OK. He is sleeping right beside me now like a good boy. After I moved out, there was a fire in the building directly next to my old apartment. Signs are good as long as you know what to do with them. I was lucky that the ceiling inspired a move so that Shadow and I would not be engulfed in flames.

My best friend Meghan told me recently that one of the things she likes about me is my ability to dream. She has known me since the 10th grade and has seen many dreams come out of my head. I bet she is laughing right now. I think Tim on repeat has a lot to do with reminding me to take life by the cojones. It could mean I am on the right path as long as I continue to listen and see signs of feeling good about where I am headed.

I have many dreams and aspirations. Here are my main priorities this year.

• To find a great sustaining love with an intelligent, funny, caring, and cute guy that will eventually lead to marriage, kids, the whole shebang.
• To find work that helps others and incorporates flexibility, possible travel, communicating with many different cultures, and reigniting my Spanish and French. I have a phone interview tomorrow for a job as described. Eek, so excited!
• I intend to learn more about how I can personally contribute to my favorite charities. One especially dear to my heart is the medical fund at Start II, an animal rescue group that saves abused and abandoned animals.
• I also intend to publish my poetry, write more poetry, post blogs, seek freelance writing assignments, and start outlines for two or three book ideas.

Intuitive signs and inspiration even came when I named this blog way back in March 2007. My brother and I were sitting in my office looking for open domain names. I knew I wanted the direction of the blog to be spiritual but not necessarily religious, and my brother noted I had this quote by Henry David Thoreau on my wall.

If people advance confidently in the direction of their dreams,
and endeavor to live the life which they have imagined,
they will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

God love Thoreau, that man really knew how to live! I love how these connected threads show me how to live an inspired life and to follow my dreams. Godspeed to live the way you always dreamed.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Aries – Monday – 6/16/2008 – Soul Horoscopes

Coming back to life after a power struggle within myself. Looks like things are on the upswing as my mood is back to enthusiastic levels again. I find life with its ebbs and flows reminds me about my personal philosophies in addition to A: a horoscope and B: a stranger’s judgment.

Truth is always stranger than fiction and this week I was told I will be tested on my spiritual or life philosophy and realizing that I have my own magic to make and it’s OK if no one believes in my magic as long as God and I are on the same page.

A recap for all those not keeping score: I once was a Catholic girl, not too many short plaid skirts in my closet now although I have a nice Rosary collection. I believe God exists but not the way that is most traditional. I believe that Jesus lived on Earth and was a Highly Evolved Spirit that came to teach us. However, I do not think God started and stopped talking when Jesus came. I think we needed Jesus but if the message wasn’t clear from Him, there are many teachers out there spreading a similar if not the same message dressed up all fancy.

I think all, even people who are “evil,” have God-stuff in them or are of God-stuff but for various reasons unknowable to all of us they do negative works. (Beyond the surface ego stuff like they need money, are greedy, angry, blah blah blah.) I believe that the Universe is governed by many laws; some of them are Attraction, Paradoxical Intent, Karma, and many more. I also believe that with faith, hard work, and positive thinking, you can be and do whatever you want. I think what you may want depends on your purpose on Earth and not everybody needs to be a rock star in order to be somebody. I think everybody is Somebody for the uniqueness they bring into the world or else they wouldn’t be in this tapestry we call life.

I had a phone interview this week, which brought a very unusual situation to speak my mind when asked about my philosophies. It’s strange that if I don’t follow the same code of life or how God works, the way I see it I lose out on an opportunity because they decided they didn’t want me thinking differently. I have no hard feelings, as it was God’s test for me. I know a brighter future is out there for me. The silly part about the situation is that I am like the spiritual U.N. I try not to judge and enjoy people for who they are, especially if they are different from me. I hang out with atheists who are wonderful, intelligent, good, ethical people. I also hang out with very cool, down-to-earth Born Again-ers, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Agnostics, Christians, Episcopalians, Catholics, or general non-affiliates. Now working with super-negative people takes its toll on me, but wherever I am meant to serve I will go. If I need a spiritual cleanse I know what to do now.

To me everyone is on Earth for his or her purpose and usually even unconsciously we are all connected to someone else’s purpose. We are never separate from each other. Authors need readers, musicians need listeners, products need buyers, lovers need lovers, friends need friends, we need trees and trees need us. Happy Tree Hugger, aren’t I!

If bad things happen, I can guarantee that the pendulum will swing and good will come back stronger. Now the good that comes back may not be seen by all at the time, but eventually down the road, like 20/20 vision, most will see the good that comes out of a negative situation. Choices, decisions, or circumstances affect all things. We must make an effort to trust the process like a mama bird trusts that her baby will fly as she pushes her baby out of the nest. Trusting that the Universe/God will have your back is good for your mental health. To think one is condemned, for example: what would give anyone the recourse to change their life if all there was was a dead end and pitchforks?

Judgment for all the bad in the world is not my job. That is for the Prime Mover to know. To me God knows all the details and the reasons, whys, and hows, and has UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for all of it. I believe there is a purpose for the “negative” in the world as well. It’s our job to listen to our intuition and use the spark within us to do good works, and ask for guidance to help the world and its issues. My job is to do the very best to not be a part of the problem without becoming closed off from the world. My job as well is to add joy and love to the planet. Jesus hung out with the people most people don’t want to hang out with because He loved them just the same! I like that and strive to love everyone the same, especially when they seek to harm others or me.

I am sure, since I was hung up on, that I made a fiend instead of a friend and only hope that said stranger reduces judging others, lest ye be judged. I am like Charlotte, I think everyone is a friend in my heart even if they do not feel the same for me.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Unemployment by Marvins_Dad

I have to say the on-again-off-again lifestyle wouldn’t be so bad if I were financially safe and secure, and I would think nothing of being out of work. Being creative about making even a small bit of cash is at best “interesting.” I have lived in various wealth categories: poor, homeless, taking care of business, saving and spending, and “at least I have my health!”

Now I like to think every experience, either breathing or going through a great or not-so-great time, deserves to be viewed in a Spiritual spotlight.

• Can I be more humble?
• Can I be more grateful?
• What can I learn?
• How did I get here?
• What thoughts, conditioning, self-issues are at play here?
• How can I change my thoughts, actions, and feelings to improve the situation?
• Is my personal discipline a factor?
• Am I taking stock of where my purpose lies?

You would also think, with a lot of time and freedom, my physical form would be at the very least tighter. I don’t have the excuse that I don’t have time for exercise. Alas, not so much. A schedule would work I suppose, at least a rhythm of life so I am not surfing the net, wallowing in self pity, or watching TV for hours and hours.

It’s funny, until the release of the fear that the Universe will take care of you, things can be blocked. Maybe it’s for humbling purposes; maybe it’s supposed to channel me to another path, maybe I am learning about faith.

Job, the famous biblical figure, had to go through a whole heck of a lot more than I (I hope!) to have faith that no matter what God/Life threw at him he would survive. We all can do more than survive with a healthy positive attitude. Maybe we have to think about someone like Immaculee Ilibagiza, and the reality of losing my car or having to pay bills much later than desired isn’t so bad. The knack to surviving your own economic downturn maybe is putting on an inner smile when the clouds are overhead. No one can take away your smile, and it doesn’t cost a thing!

Love and Hugs,
Jen