Spiritual Endeavor

pain/tears/silence by darkroom11

I think I repeat patterns for many reasons.

1. Habit of not working hard, like easy roads with clear outcomes.
2. Nearly masochistic enjoyment when my heart does the same things over and over again to hurt myself.
3. Archetypes that are innumerable and help me be the clown, wounded child, and lonely hearts club member, to name but a few repeating themes.

Other fun stuff on my mind this week is that I have way too many interests, shiny things that catch my attention or desire. Choosing a path or a select few that hold my passion and love and will give me stability in all areas of life is a super challenge for me. Good to be creative and interested, bad if I am stuck in a corner worrying what to paint, to love, to write, and to act in a directive manner.

This weekend I was spending time with two good friends. I was inspired Saturday night and wrote numerous poems at their house and wrote many more Sunday and Monday. So I was productive and had fun. Go Figure?

I realize all-or-nothing thinking is always dangerous and, I know I need focus in desired dreams in order to reach them. Be it love, work, connection to the whole of life and health of mind, body, and spirit.

As a little girl I didn’t worry so much about choice of career or purpose. I had a talk show. I would dance, do gymnastics on my bed, I would interview imaginary people with my tape player, I would sing, I ran around wanting to be everything, loved being goofy and imaginative. My mom suggested I be a hairdresser or teacher. Yuck, I always scoffed. I just wanted people to laugh or enjoy what show I was doing. I was giving many a performance to an imaginary audience or my mom, nana, or brother. Man, I wish I could recapture what that little girl had.

I’m realizing now at 31 years old that I have a whole lot of life left to make my dreams happen even when I feel so hopeless and feel I haven’t fully given any of my true dreams a shot. Feeling as if I couldn’t do whatever it is my heart wants me to sing. I desire many things before I die in this lifetime, many just having to do with loving the people I ensconce myself with and those I would love to touch in the future with my own unique spirit.

I am very close to my silly happy-go-lucky side as well as my self-loathing pain-filled side. I know it’s OK to love both but my love of my pain or consistent internal suffering isn’t productive for a loving, generous, compassionate, and meaningful life. Does make for great art of any substance though!

I look to my friends, family, and spirit to guide me so I can share my love with others as well as with myself.

Suggestions?

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Different point of view by tonythemisfit

As always when I am looking or am open to signs from the Universe, many tiny threads of synchronicity show up. They usually pop up to either teach me something, inspire me to take action, or give me guidance that I am following the right path. This week I feel the signs and here are a few things that are getting me inspired.

I am reading The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell, I know a little behind the times or maybe just right when I needed to read it. Another wonderful inspiration who injected caliente flavor back into my life, my favorite nerdy cutie, Tim Ferriss. He inspires me to travel, and love life and myself again, Here is this week’s post of Why Bigger Goals = Less Competition via his blog. Last but not least, from my DVD collection, the movie My Date With Drew.

The themes within each of these inspirations are connected or highlighted by various signposts. Sometimes these signs need translation. As an intuitive and empath, I can see threads in my own life when I am not blocking life. For others it tends to be easier as I am not “emotionally invested” in a particular outcome. I know that everyone has seen or felt these signs and we get either excited by them or scared and brush them off. My hope is to inspire others to open up to life in order to listen to these markers. In the past I had really clear markers on my own intuition and mistook them for things that they weren’t. That’s the trouble with translating the intangible sometimes. Through experience I learned that I needed not to push what I wanted onto the signposts and let life move me to my next destination.

These connections help me dream big impossible dreams like the Man from La Mancha. Tim says one should go for the bigger impossible dreams due to less competition. Drew Barrymore speaks of taking risks and loves that she may be a marker of fate that inspires Brian to go after his dreams (one of which was to have a date with Drew). The Tipping Point helps show the interconnectivity of our emotions and energy and their ability to change the flow of things, like Hush Puppies’ popularity, Paul Revere spreading news of the British invasion, or help being provided after a tsunami.

Sometimes I get an idea or person stuck in my head like Tim Ferriss. My intuition is turned on “repeat” on a topic until I ask, So what is the message? As interesting as Tim seems, there isn’t a logical reason for me to continue to be pulled by his aura, especially since I have never met him. Other times when I get a stomachache or can’t sleep, I know something is up and wait for news. Before I moved out of my apartment in Montclair, NJ, I wasn’t sleeping well and had dreams of a fire. A few days later my ceiling caved in on my boo-boo kitty. Luckily he was OK. He is sleeping right beside me now like a good boy. After I moved out, there was a fire in the building directly next to my old apartment. Signs are good as long as you know what to do with them. I was lucky that the ceiling inspired a move so that Shadow and I would not be engulfed in flames.

My best friend Meghan told me recently that one of the things she likes about me is my ability to dream. She has known me since the 10th grade and has seen many dreams come out of my head. I bet she is laughing right now. I think Tim on repeat has a lot to do with reminding me to take life by the cojones. It could mean I am on the right path as long as I continue to listen and see signs of feeling good about where I am headed.

I have many dreams and aspirations. Here are my main priorities this year.

• To find a great sustaining love with an intelligent, funny, caring, and cute guy that will eventually lead to marriage, kids, the whole shebang.
• To find work that helps others and incorporates flexibility, possible travel, communicating with many different cultures, and reigniting my Spanish and French. I have a phone interview tomorrow for a job as described. Eek, so excited!
• I intend to learn more about how I can personally contribute to my favorite charities. One especially dear to my heart is the medical fund at Start II, an animal rescue group that saves abused and abandoned animals.
• I also intend to publish my poetry, write more poetry, post blogs, seek freelance writing assignments, and start outlines for two or three book ideas.

Intuitive signs and inspiration even came when I named this blog way back in March 2007. My brother and I were sitting in my office looking for open domain names. I knew I wanted the direction of the blog to be spiritual but not necessarily religious, and my brother noted I had this quote by Henry David Thoreau on my wall.

If people advance confidently in the direction of their dreams,
and endeavor to live the life which they have imagined,
they will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

God love Thoreau, that man really knew how to live! I love how these connected threads show me how to live an inspired life and to follow my dreams. Godspeed to live the way you always dreamed.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Aries – Monday – 6/16/2008 – Soul Horoscopes

Coming back to life after a power struggle within myself. Looks like things are on the upswing as my mood is back to enthusiastic levels again. I find life with its ebbs and flows reminds me about my personal philosophies in addition to A: a horoscope and B: a stranger’s judgment.

Truth is always stranger than fiction and this week I was told I will be tested on my spiritual or life philosophy and realizing that I have my own magic to make and it’s OK if no one believes in my magic as long as God and I are on the same page.

A recap for all those not keeping score: I once was a Catholic girl, not too many short plaid skirts in my closet now although I have a nice Rosary collection. I believe God exists but not the way that is most traditional. I believe that Jesus lived on Earth and was a Highly Evolved Spirit that came to teach us. However, I do not think God started and stopped talking when Jesus came. I think we needed Jesus but if the message wasn’t clear from Him, there are many teachers out there spreading a similar if not the same message dressed up all fancy.

I think all, even people who are “evil,” have God-stuff in them or are of God-stuff but for various reasons unknowable to all of us they do negative works. (Beyond the surface ego stuff like they need money, are greedy, angry, blah blah blah.) I believe that the Universe is governed by many laws; some of them are Attraction, Paradoxical Intent, Karma, and many more. I also believe that with faith, hard work, and positive thinking, you can be and do whatever you want. I think what you may want depends on your purpose on Earth and not everybody needs to be a rock star in order to be somebody. I think everybody is Somebody for the uniqueness they bring into the world or else they wouldn’t be in this tapestry we call life.

I had a phone interview this week, which brought a very unusual situation to speak my mind when asked about my philosophies. It’s strange that if I don’t follow the same code of life or how God works, the way I see it I lose out on an opportunity because they decided they didn’t want me thinking differently. I have no hard feelings, as it was God’s test for me. I know a brighter future is out there for me. The silly part about the situation is that I am like the spiritual U.N. I try not to judge and enjoy people for who they are, especially if they are different from me. I hang out with atheists who are wonderful, intelligent, good, ethical people. I also hang out with very cool, down-to-earth Born Again-ers, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Agnostics, Christians, Episcopalians, Catholics, or general non-affiliates. Now working with super-negative people takes its toll on me, but wherever I am meant to serve I will go. If I need a spiritual cleanse I know what to do now.

To me everyone is on Earth for his or her purpose and usually even unconsciously we are all connected to someone else’s purpose. We are never separate from each other. Authors need readers, musicians need listeners, products need buyers, lovers need lovers, friends need friends, we need trees and trees need us. Happy Tree Hugger, aren’t I!

If bad things happen, I can guarantee that the pendulum will swing and good will come back stronger. Now the good that comes back may not be seen by all at the time, but eventually down the road, like 20/20 vision, most will see the good that comes out of a negative situation. Choices, decisions, or circumstances affect all things. We must make an effort to trust the process like a mama bird trusts that her baby will fly as she pushes her baby out of the nest. Trusting that the Universe/God will have your back is good for your mental health. To think one is condemned, for example: what would give anyone the recourse to change their life if all there was was a dead end and pitchforks?

Judgment for all the bad in the world is not my job. That is for the Prime Mover to know. To me God knows all the details and the reasons, whys, and hows, and has UNCONDITIONAL LOVE for all of it. I believe there is a purpose for the “negative” in the world as well. It’s our job to listen to our intuition and use the spark within us to do good works, and ask for guidance to help the world and its issues. My job is to do the very best to not be a part of the problem without becoming closed off from the world. My job as well is to add joy and love to the planet. Jesus hung out with the people most people don’t want to hang out with because He loved them just the same! I like that and strive to love everyone the same, especially when they seek to harm others or me.

I am sure, since I was hung up on, that I made a fiend instead of a friend and only hope that said stranger reduces judging others, lest ye be judged. I am like Charlotte, I think everyone is a friend in my heart even if they do not feel the same for me.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Lightning on the Columbia River by phatman

This week has been very interesting and humbling. I am still looking for work, income, or a way to make money from my poetry or creative endeavors. Sold my car to a very wonderful family in Jersey City. I even hope to continue a friendship with these very interesting people. Got great tips about traveling to India and Japan from my Hyundai’s new adopted family.

Tuesday evening my roommate Jeanette and I had a major storm and lost power for about 3 days. We had some food spoilage but overall we fared well. Candlelight and peace from the computer was nice. Heat was something to contend with but really nothing tragic in the grand scheme of things. Friends offered help and/or words of encouragement. Finished 2 books and almost done my 3rd one.

My humility comes from asking for help from many sources including God. Not that I was asking God to save my hot dogs but for me to find my own peace about my current life challenges. Many things happen to many people, including financial worry and lack of electricity. I still can’t say enough about the book that I raved about in my last post, Left To Tell. It reminds me of prayer and gratitude, the genocide that is happening now in Darfur, and awakening to my own American entitlement and spoiled nature. I used to think because of my past that I was humble. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I was and still am blessed beyond measure to live in the U.S. even with its faults. I am blessed that my cross(es) that I bear have been to say the least minimal or blown out of sorts by my own negative thinking or lack of self-confidence. Positive thinking and faith are keys to success, my friends. I am also in awe this week of those who really do have strong faith and an ability to forgive and love freely at all costs or all rewards depending on your perspective.

I pray this feeling of humility and personal/spiritual power continues.

I would love it if you would speak about your own blessings in your life. Please share! I love to hear good news!

Hugs,
Jen

Old Scars, New Wounds: by ashley.adcox

We all have raised boo-boos when it comes to forgiveness. We have felt hurt, betrayed, unloved, uncared for—blah, blah, blah. Really we all have wounds; some seem deeper than others, some are made deeper by the whining about them. Through time and counseling we can still hold on to the anger, sadness, and victim mentality; the feeling that they don’t deserve to get off the hook for the “incident.” I have to say for myself that even though the feeling has lessened over the years, there are people I worked for that hold a dark place in my heart. I guess this doesn’t show me being a beacon of Spirit and Light. LOL At least I am consciously trying to give up my entitlement to old ghosts of those experiences or of childhood. Always with the childhood. Hahah.

We all know the power of forgiveness. It is something that can lift a trunk full of stones and rocks from our backs. How do we get there? Sheesh, damn if I know. LOL I think there is a time when that trunk no longer matches the other luggage you are carrying and you are ready to cast it off. Sometimes it takes time but usually an acceptance and forward movement is needed for forgiveness to take hold. Sometimes it’s simply being OK that your plans weren’t as good as God/Universe’s plan is for you. Even though the journey may be rough and bumpy, where you are going is far more enjoyable. There were many men I put stock in who were clearly not for me but I purchased the ticket anyway. That journey got me here. Jobs that suck out your soul but for a purpose you may or may not later discover. The process of letting go of the pain or anger is as hard as giving up a favorite menu item. It’s a comforting friend, solace in knowing the devil you know verses the one that may or may not be around the corner.

The letting go may take many steps like screaming, raging, crying, numbness, need for validation, a pulpit that says you were wronged! At some point there is a time when these rocks get too heavy and you don’t want them anymore. That is the time when release and forgiveness can come in. Prayer, meditation, writing, drawing are all great but you need to make room in the heart and mind to let Grace, Peace, and Unconditional Love to move in. That spot in your heart where that “incident” happened just needs a smidgen of God’s good stuff to get in and clean the crevices like the Merry Maid service does. At a price that is just right!

Life is ongoing. There will be many more events, people, things to forgive and hopefully be forgiven for. I am ready to move on and make space for more of the good. Forgiveness is never about them, the so-called violators. It’s about giving ourselves freedom, letting the Universe take care of the residual karma. We can’t see the whole picture but the Universe can. No justifications needed. Not forgiving hurts us way more than it hurts others. Be good to yourself. You deserve it!

Hugs,
Jen

Well, well, little miss I hate doing anything that expends energy. Speaking to myself of course. I used to be so efficient (umm lazy), so much so that when I went to take in the laundry from the laundromat I would nearly kill myself my carrying two 30 lbs bags up the stairs just so I wouldn’t have to go up and down again. Awake again from a life coma, I know that hard work is in order to claim what I want in life. If I want to manifest things in my life like being 112 lbs, writing an e-book for ending depression, making more than enough money than I will ever need and finding a fabulous guy to date and eventually marry, I have to do the leg work. Manifesting takes many angles. One, is the affirmative thought one has the goal attained with belief. Another the feeling(s) you have as if the goal is achieved and doing the leg work by changing thinking and behavior to meet the universe more than halfway to reach said goal. Finally the trickiest part, the ability to let go of control, give up the result (No feeling like you will die if you don’t accomplish or attain) and be patient.

All those things I have been able to do rather unconsciously and others times really push through and sometimes give up when the going got to “hard”. Now my mind set is clearer and stopping on my journey is not an option. Knowing what I want helps a great deal, still fuzzy on some stuff but over all have a better idea now more than ever. My mind and body fight me at times but my Spirit says I am Already There. The great thing about Spirit is that it knows no obstacle or resistance. Us humans have that luxury. After working out to a brutal Killian Michaels workout today and reading T. Have Eker is that, being fully committed to a goal be it fitness, love, money, adding contribution to the world, ________ fill in the blank, takes effort. That doesn’t mean you won’t have somethings fall on your lap but for the most part the doing creates the accomplishment. The belief or the knowing that it already IS, is just the visual your mind and body need to believe Spirit when it says It is already So!

As I kick myself and love myself, I ask do I have what it takes to do the hard work? Do I want these goals bad enough to challenge the status quo, without the easy, fries with that shake? How about you, you may work at a job that you hate because its easy. Do you avoid dating because someone may actually challenge your thinking or mirror yourself? Or hey maybe they will love the way you laugh and you have to deal with that?

Do you really think your gonna win the lotto if you don’t get off the couch and drive so far away to the 7-11 and purchase one. Neither is sitting on the couch and wishing for the inches to disappear while watching the Biggest Loser. I know, I tried and it didn’t work. *Tear* I guess I am working out to be steamy hot. At least I am stronger, faster and I have the technology to manifest again and again.

I hope I have stirred within that makes you say to yourself, Go Big or Go Home!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Next time I will have a lighter topic but I was floored moments ago as my friend on myspace and his fascination with death and my own morbid curiosity about a story on the gardian.co.uk about Life before Death called to me. The fact my mom has been “dead” for 3 years this summer brought my need to emote what is going on in my heart now. This is one of the most poetic, poignant and heart wrenching photo collections I have seen. My friend blogged about this site and it inspired tears. To see the pain, loneliness and sadness of a life cut short, a life not fully lived and life full of disappointment. It pains me to say that my own experiences with death were dealt with as if something to move on from or circumstance and faith that all is ok for them. Yet I am haunted of my Mom, Nana and others close to my heart on their journey Home and their own feelings that they may have had. Then the realization that you too will be inevitably be one of them and hopefully with more expressed love, less loneliness and more life fully lived at least this go around. Amazed and grateful for the truth of death. This place beyond, so scary for most of us who can not see beyond the darkness. A place where one wishes for butterflies and rainbows and love of unimaginable possibility. To be able to hold and fully take in the person whom you love who has gone over the rainbow bridge would be incredible. Yet even with undying faith and a knowing that there is “something” beyond it never takes the stinging bitters out of the place where love lies inside.

Death is inspiring but will be pitiful if I don’t do all, be all and love all as if everyday was my last breathing moment. Randy Pausch whom I adore and is living and dying of Pancreatic Cancer. Really opitimizes the bittersweetness of life. Unfair or not, purpose from God or cruel joke this man lives and breathes like he means it. This professor of life even before his diagnosis, I believe lived with the grace of life’s truth of living to the fullest. Having great parents and people who molded him into someone that never stopped believing in his life or dreams. For one second to think we have the luxury for self pity or self absorption we are sorely missing the point on why we are here on Earth at all. I feel so much for his wife and children as they even with the beauty of his life will feel that tang of pain that comes with such a loss. I pray that they don’t have to endure the pain but alas even with his survival there there will come a time when they and all of us will be touched by the sharpness of the moment when a loved one passes on. If we are lucky we will have inspired such anguish as a testament and reward of having given all of our love out by the time we leave.

Love always,
Jen

When I walk around it is sometimes shocking to me to see nearly everyone with a device in their ear, be it a cell phone or mp3 player. When I was a kid there weren’t all this stuff to have on our person. If you wanted to hear music someone on the block would have a boom box or you might have a cassette player or gosh forbid the radio. I am not super old but at nearly 31 I am old enough to notice that there may be a disconnect with users now a days. Mind you I love technology and it is a great tool when used properly. I think it is funny how many people now a days instead of talking to someone next to them they are hungrily looking for a new track or checking their email or calling someone who they just spoke with 5 minutes ago but not interact with the world around them. I know there are many people that just hate to be alone with themselves. God forbid one should have a thought of their own as it may say something one needs to hear. I for one enjoy times when there isn’t constant noise from the outside. I then have to deal the noise on the inside and that is work! I think technology has gotten us closer and further away from real interaction. I like the fact I can stay in touch with friends in another country, Hi Bobby!! However I still enjoy hanging out with my peeps or getting to know new peeps in a more intimate way. E-mail and text are not intimate! You can say intimate things on occasion, some that may even get you fired but not real human contact. I bet the tech world would really have human interaction if it had smelly vision. Real life is smelly, funny, gross, sexy and tasty. Isn’t that what life is all about?

Endless Love! I am not talking about the Lionel Richie song. Although every time I say the words in my head the tune comes to mind. I am posing about Endless Love because I saw a bumper sticker that I that said Endless War with endless crossed out so it to say End this War. This got me thinking about turning the bumper sticker to say Endless Love!

One of the great laws of the universe is You get what you focus on. When you think about something (especially with strong feeling) like attracts like. I am always up for a funny or thoughtful anecdote on a cars rear but this sign got me thinking about a well known story about Mother Teresa–now stay with me. Mother Teresa was asked to attend an anti-war rally. She said no but said if there is a Peace rally she would be on board. She knew the universal law. She didn’t want more war, she wanted more Peace. She was a fine example of teaching the path to the evolution of the soul and us here on this wonderful blue planet. I would say if you want more good stuff (love, peace) you need to focus on what is loving and peaceful in your life first and that will have a domino effect. That doesn’t mean lie to yourself but change your thinking to the more positive higher thought. For example: say you fell and broke your leg, don’t pretend and say well all is right I don’t feel pain and I am healthy. Get yourself to a doctor stat. What it means is to honor the feelings you are having whatever they are (sadness, frustration, worry, pain) then let go of them don’t focus on them for hours, days, weeks or years. Focus on the good stuff- I am healing and healthy. I am breathing and now that that is over let me have a laugh with my friends or with myself. Focus on the good stuff for days and weeks and let the not so good stuff roll off your back. If the bad stuff keeps coming up in your head, say to your self ok I accept that feeling or thought now and reach for a happy, positive thought. Say to the negative junk I gave you your time now its Feeling Good’s turn.

I hope you all feel the Endless Love I am sending you and Hope you have a joyful and fun day.

Love and Hugs,
Jennifer