Spiritual Endeavor

Flat Stanley Can Bring Us Together!

I was at Starbucks today to write, read and get my usual drug and while there I was socializing with another customer and her little girl who was getting a treat from Starbucks and just came back from the salon cause she had a great report card. I also socialized with a Barista cause he look like he was gonna cry when he saw the line that was not yet on his drink making side. I realized this socializing or general mass need for coffee was like various species at a watering hole in the Serengeti. Not necessarily all would get along or would normally meet in the real world we all get to be together in NATURE so to speak our modern day nature like malls, grocery stores and coffee shops. Its a way we get our needs filled of being around others but in a non threatening way. Also a way to bond with others I am not sure the lion and the elephant are bonding but at Starbucks there is some common goal or commiserating. Like when many will wait online on Black Friday there is a sense of camaraderie that you can not find in the same way online. We as humans even if slight interaction occurs need a community or group we feel connected to even if its on the peripheral. Hence, the mass love of Apple products or Starbucks or Dunkin‘ Donuts. These are ways we feel like we are together. In a sense maybe there is some of this in the Occupy Movement and like all of us that go home after something we feel apart of we feel we want something to bring us together again. Not like we want catastrophe or natural disasters but we almost crave that community after then when its all over we feel a bit empty or less than and need a meet-up, book club, mommy and me groups to make us feel we belong to something bigger than ourselves.
Here’s to making a concerted effort to come together in fun, love, and coffee if it serves our well-being.

Much love, hugs, and many thanks the Pre-Thanksgiving Day!
Jen

Flat Stanley's Spirituality is Travel. What's yours?

I think the word Spirituality has a bad rap. Many confuse it with Religion or people being cooky or flighty. I want to give a refresher on what it means to me and how by looking at spirituality in a new way can help you feel less alone and more alive on this spinning rock.

Spirituality as defined by me isn’t about a big man in the sky or even a belief system.  It is the primary way you connect to yourself and/or  to others. For many people who don’t believe in a religion per say has a religion of sorts via their passions and appreciations and that is their have spirituality in the world. Many people are engrossed in art,  music, dance, being in service, collecting books, building things, knitting, and so on.
Passion that emanates out of nowhere or that is found by accident is spirituality in a nut shell. When you can not not do or love a particular thing. A friend might love all of nature. That is her spirituality. For another its passion for physical sport or challenge. My passions are writing and reading about metaphysics. As a kid I would talk with my Mom on how the universe worked and even at my cheeky age of 6 or 7 vehemently denied her closed view of what happened after we leave our bodies.  I enjoyed playing with friends, having a talk show, playing with my recorder but I loved to connect with people on a deep level beyond what someone’s favorite color much more. Those are some of my passions and that is how I continue to live my Spirituality.
By denying your gifts or appreciation for boating, hiking, painting or sharing dinner with friends you are in essentially cutting of your connection to Source Energy. In offering to share your passion with others, people see this light and are attracted to that spark and that what brings more rich and positives experiences in your life. Hobbies or your life  as a whole are the living worship to this spiritual life. As you speak or live from your soul you are sharing your appreciation and creating more beauty with the world.

Maybe your passion is Jesus, Buddha, art, children, family, Star Wars, or laughing. The label task is not important. It is no more or less life giving than being a monk in a monastery. Your “thing” or “things” are a very real way to connect your unique energy with Universe. Being present within your passions is an amazing way to share yourself with others while show casing the eternal flame inside of you that never dies.

I hope you bring more joy and happiness by focusing on a passion a tiny bit each an every day!
Please let me know what your passions are and how you feel you live your Spirituality!
Love and Hugs,

Jen

A million and one blessings and such!

What? Yes I said it even though I am in amidst of a crisis there is blessings to be found.

My particular crisis details are not so important as the lesson of the crisis. I have been feeling anxious, unsettled, crazed for concrete confirmation and proof that my life will be OK. As an intuitive and know-er of things as such, I know it doesn’t matter what happens in the physical world as it is all for the good for the whole even if it doesn’t look like it..However, my ego, the thing that is supposed to protect the body is scared!

During this crisis I have learned a few things about myself.

1. I am a caretaker to a fault where I do not take care of myself before others…I am starting to work on this nugget of truth at Co-Dependence Anonymous meetings. My goodness there really is so much to learn about how to have healthy relationships with everyone.
2. As much as I may espouse in the goodness, affirmative prayer, and awesomeness of the Universe and God I don’t always live in faith. I whine and act fearful and complain on occasion. Sometimes I feel unworthy and unacceptable of gifts in strange or normal wrapping paper.

Today I was feeling static and yucky all in my head with worry and problems. I took a bit of meditation time to tap into the awesome God energies and listening to what they had to say as well as listening to Hay House Radio and also Marie Forleo. Gratitude is everything. Being grateful for the yucky stuff as well as recognizing even what may seem insignificant blessings. After I focused on being grateful for the lessons being shown though my crisis my energy shifted immediately. Not only did the static, anxious, worry go away I have a new appreciation for the gifts that I am being given. I know really hard t do when you are panicking when you have no permanent place to stay, no job so forth. I am there right now with my Brothas’ and Sistas’. For example this time in my life I am called to have understanding and compassion for those feeling troubled and have a block of moving forward due to fear.. A recognition that this particular lesson won’t be lost as I am finally doing things to take care of myself as not to put myself in this situation again. This time also shows me to have faith even if by some act of God (natural disaster or karma down the pike) I know I am (We all Are!) Divinely guided, protected, and loved even in the worst times. This is a blessed time. Maybe in your own personal issues you too can claim with confience a new realtionship with God as you see IT! Whether you commune with nature, Love Jesus, Allah, or you want to call IT Bob.. the name doesn’t matter, it matters that you open the floodgates of your heart to know you are an infinite vessil for love to come and express ITSELF into the world. How you choose take the yucky stuff and transform it is how the Good stuff arrives and thrives.

So today I say Thanks You GOD for the lesson. Thank You for my crisis ever painful it is and Thank You for always being my constant companion.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

My socks on the floor ready to be purged!

Over the past few months I have been staying with a friend with her two children. Since I am still looking for full time employment she lets me stay in exchange of dropping off and picking up her kids at school and occasional babysitting with additional house chores I feel compelled to do. Living in a space no bigger than 10×14 I had to leave most of my belonging at my ex’s familie’s house. They all are amazing for being so patient with me as I gain order over my life again. I am due to move in with another girlfriend July 1st. During this time since October I have lived with very few personal items: clothes, computer, books, and a few random items like journals, too many pens to really need and holy water. (A recovering Catholic loves her holy water.)
This sock drawer enhanced my realization that there is a need to replace things that don’t fit or are damaged but I have obviously have more than enough in the world and thinking about reducing what I have to really the bare essentials. I do my laundry every week and like the 80/20 ware much of my clothing on a continuous loop. In part because I don’t have much and or who needs all these socks. Even if I work out everyday and get my feet wet due to snow or rain…some of this I don’t need. So my first duty is to get rid of the ones with holes or ones that have been stretched to mars and back.

I will be doing this for undergarments and then clothes. Then products and medicines. I only want things around that are useful and make me happy. If that means I wear the same pants three days this week so be it.

Wish me luck and please let me know if you have given up any of the extra stuff in your life and how it made you feel.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Thanks to Foxtongue for showing his muscle!

Anyone who knows me knows that exercise where I know I am exercising is my least favorite activity in the world. I much prefer dancing, hiking, kyacking, or walking with friends than to be lifting my kettle bell or weights. This to the dismay of my body is the reason my muscles are partially defined under a nice hibernation suit. I joke but a muscle that use on a constant basis is my FAITH Muscle. As and intuitive its imperative that what I know to be spiritual and helpful information is not lost in the stactic of my mind like chores, worry, blank stares and who will the Mother on How I Met Your Mother.

Many people really don’t have a solid perspective on faith or they are of the mindset if they see it than maybe they can believe it for certain for now.

One of my jobs, besides being a dancing queen, is to really show people that their internal guidance system can show them how to build faith in positive outcomes and if so inclined that an intelligent universal source is always with you and can be accessed at anytime.

A quick practice of building faith is to think of a time when you knew in your gut that something felt very right or very wrong. Write that down…then check to see what route you took that time if you took directions from fear or worry or took a new route. For example, recently my guides were nudging me to take my car to the mechanic. I knew I had to bring it to the shop but I keep putting it off. Well on Valentines Day it broke down completely random event of a timing belt..I didn’t see that coming I thought my axle rod thingy was the need. I didn’t follow the pull to take it in sooner because of earth woes, money worry and what if I fix it and it needs more. Blah Blah Blah we all do this. I did have it fixed to minimum road survivability and took the lesson again to trust my gut, guides and have faith that the information being received isn’t random but helpful if taken seriously.

Their is also this bigger idea, Faith in Source, God, or whatever you want to call this energy. I may have been born with the God Gene so maybe I have a built in system for acknowledging the invisible but I think when a person focuses on taking the positive from experiences, having gratitude and keeping an open mind a Divine Intelligence doesn’t seem very far fetched. Especially when testing manifesting goals and seeing positive outcomes. I am not here to say yes there is or is not a big bearded guy in the sky but I do feel that the study of the universe in quantum physics can show that something is very intelligent or something designed the universe in a creative way. Or maybe I just have build enough of my faith muscle to just know it is so anyway.

How are ways you build or have faith? Please post we would love to hear from you.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Photo by aussiegall

I found a great blog that resonated with me on working on myself it is called Secrets of Her Success and in it the  author Darcy Volden Hoag wrote about a personal experiment about making a 30-Day Commitment to herself. Her journey of commitment was to quell procrastination and push through fear. This is currently really inspiring for numerous reasons.

I generally lack a commitment to myself. Other’s probably notice how many times I have started an exerise program or school. Marathon and degree seeking I have yet to complete. In spite of the voices in my head or my guides telling me others are unhealthy for me. My old pattern is to commit to others. This is due to various reasons (ie co-dependence/wanting to be liked/afraid to make a commitment to myself). Darcy’s blog plus my own personal transformation that is on going has inspired to commit to at least one thing to do for 30 days. I tend to over commit and use busy work or distractions like internet or taking care of others to procrastinate on the stuff I really need to do.

I really need to become healthier, monetize my blog or make clear decisions, period, about what I want in my life. God forbid if I make a decision that I isn’t good so I don’t commit so I don’t flake out later on myself. HUH so I forgot that its ok to course correct if something isn’t working in my plan/goal/decision.

For the longest time I would never commit to working out because I would give other people my time and made people a priority over myself. Sad but many of us do this for reasons listed above or not really feeling worthy of committing to ourselves. As if its selfish to go to Zumba! …which I absolutely fell in love with recently.

Starting today:

• I commit to tracking all the food n drink I take in to help me see where I need to change my diet for weight loss. I aim to take in about 1200 to 1400 calories per day and commit to exercise twice a week for and hour.
• I commit  to meditate 5 min twice a day morning and night.
• I commit to increase readership of my blog my connecting with one new person or increase my Spiritual Endeavor Facebook group page.

If you would like to join me on a 30-day commitment journey please comment and we can support each other along our quest to regain our personal integrity to ourselves.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Black and White to Color by Thiophene_Guy

It’s amazing how time flies. I remember when I was in high school wanting to marry my then love and have like 6 kids, I saw the world as very black and white. Then I grew older, and slightly more grey etched into my view when more and more people (including me, much to my dismay) made choices that weren’t so moral or ethical in contrast to my past viewpoint. My spiritual philosophies have changed and grown ever more expansive in hopes to be less judgmental of others and myself. Deleting dogma and trying to stay in the present moment were apart of those changes. As I get even older and more experiences fill my life, I realize that I am, at once, not one thing all the time. I am a hypocrite. I am righteous. I am judgmental. I am obnoxious. I am loving. I am affectionate. I am a jokester. I am serious. I am sensitive. I over think and don’t think at all. I can get upset quickly and get over things quickly. I am friend and foe. I mumble. I sometimes talk with eloquence and sometimes sound like an idiot. I humiliate myself constantly when it comes to giving too much info about how I am feeling or thinking. My friends say, Here is the line and here is Jen Heart. Knowing that I have crossed the line yet again, I am comic relief for my perversions or outlandish speech. I am glad I am an idealist even if life circumstances or situations aren’t ideal. I am a good person with some bad tossed in for flavor. Some days I do way better than others. I try (Yoda says there is no try) to make choices in my life that won’t hurt others or myself. I sometimes do hurt people without intention. I am grayer still; it’s better than being 100% black in my thinking.

In the blink of a moment life can change. I meet someone and sparks fly and fire licks up and down my whole body. I meet really great people who end up in the friend zone within 30 seconds. Best friends for years leave when challenged to take sides, such as when we are reminders of old times after a divorce. I left relationships that were my everything, even when there was so much history, love, and friendship. Leaving due to feeling invalidated, and feeling like I never had a voice. The older I get, the more I know that major life events change dynamics, and sometimes just time changes things. New friends can come into my life and eventually either become totally enmeshed in my world or fade out.

A friend who knew me when I was greener about life (when I was about 16 to 23) by fate and opportunity contacted me again. It’s amazing how different and similar we both are to the people we were oh so long ago. My friend-who-knew-me-when started to inch back after my mom’s passing. She loved my mom and Mom always loved her. I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since my mom’s stroke. I know sometimes I express more of a dark view of my mom. I saw the sides she never showed to the outside and being a caregiver to her there is still some charge of not being cared for in the way I needed or wanted. Even for all the yucky stuff, I know my mom was an awesome, spectacularly strong, inventive, intelligent, sweet and loving woman. She was so generous in giving appreciation or wanting people to smile that she would give gifts to even the cashier at the grocery store. My mom made a lasting impression on people even if she met them for just 5 minutes. After her passing, I had the duty of contacting her business contacts or people she would chat with on the Internet. My mom was a mix of a social hermit. I get that from her, I assume. Where is my hole to hide but first I must dance with my comrades. Ha-Ha! Mom’s social network were the people she would sell to, help out, or give away things to on the Internet. So many of her Net friends showed so much love and told me how much she touched them. Those e-mails reminded me that she wasn’t the completely horrible person or parent I made her out to be. Less grey even still, I grow. Soon life will be all white by the time I am dead and gone.

Mom taught me so many things about people, how to see people in their brightest light even when they weren’t showing it at the moment. She taught me how to change my thinking and see the situation change when all I did was think about it from a different often positive or learning perspective. The black and white of her was that she was not always mentally available or financially stable for me. I was a great love in her life, as was my brother, but many times when I was expressing an emotion or myself in a way she didn’t want me to be she’d tune me out, literally. The grey in all my negative circumstances is that I got so much from her by her not being the perfect parent. I gained strength, knowledge, and the ability to love the imperfect, among so much more. The hardest part is throwing that unconditional love my own way or even at those whom I judge harshly for things that I may do under the right “lighting” or “motive.”

I never talk about it but I feel it’s important for others to know that it’s OK to ask how I am doing when it comes to Mom’s death. I know people don’t know what to say. Don’t want to bring it up for fear of making me upset. I know everyone is different and deals with death in a very personal way. I still don’t know what to say to other people when they lose someone dear. The times of thinking about Mom grow in longer stretches but I still am sad that she won’t be here when I am in a relationship with the love of my life, see me get married, or even have babies. I am so happy she got to dance with my brother at his wedding. I am happy that she got to live with me (even though it was brutal and nearly killed me) and she got to live with Billy and Lisa. We all had the chance to see the best and the worst of her to the bitter end. I know I am blessed to have had her be my teacher, my mother, and friend.

After all these years I can see I am different but similar. I still want to marry but have reduced the number of kids in my mind down to two. Realism of cost and actual time to devote to my kids; I want to give everything I never had. Those things like quality time, validation, listening to who they are and what their needs/feelings entail, resources, and security to name but a few. I know I already love them more than the moon and the stars. I can’t see them but I know they are waiting for me to get my act together. Ha-ha! Whenever that may be. I want to give them everything so they can be the best people they are meant to be. I want to devote my life to those I love, my friends, my lovers, and my passions in poetry, song, and pure creation. I want to be better than I am now but be OK and love myself even if I am not perfect. I want to show that life is better in the grey. It might not be easier but better, that I can attest to.

We are ever changing; who we are, our lives, and obviously our world is changing so quickly we sometimes can hardly breathe. I want to breathe more but I also want my breath taken away more. Here’s to the grey and all the colors that make life so not boring and far more complicated and exciting than I ever could have imagined.

Love and Hugs,
Jen

Firey Solar Eclipse by amodiovalerioverde

This weekend the stars and life have got me really creative, in various moods & emotions and thinking about what destiny has in store for me. I have a dualistic belief that some things in your life are predestined and some things are of choice. Maybe depending on the day, it may all seem very self-serving to think that I have control over my life. In some sense I have a fraction of control but feel at times life and my emotions take me on the journey. I know all good things have their time and purpose even if I have no idea what I am supposed to do in life beyond flickers of interest or desired intent or when my life feels like home.

I do feel that certain people and events happen in my life to influence or change my inner world, my beacon of direction and inspiration. I think these things are on purpose even if the event or person doesn’t know that they are in a synchronistic evolving journey with the collective and me. I only pray that the experience of these events and all these wonderful people that smash into my life will make me a better person, more full of life, happier, and thankful for the energy exchanged. I want to be transformed to be more of who I am supposed to be.

I pray you see the wonderful duality in life. The people and events that hit you upside the head and get you to think, move, grow, and love more than you ever dreamed. Hopeful that my destiny and choice meet me to take me under their wings and transport me to a place filled with creative magic, love, and the possibilities of making my own little heaven on earth.

Love and Hugs,

Jen

Good-bye to one of the sweetest souls, Randy Pausch! Many may know him from his last lecture. This wonderful computer nerd who has touched so many has died today of complications from pancreatic cancer. Even though I never met Mr. Pausch in person, I think all of us were touched by his selfless devotion to his students, work, and most importantly to his family. I pray that they will be comforted in their time of loss.

Randy, your physical presence on Earth will forever be missed. Thank you for being born when we needed someone with your caliber of honor, grace, wisdom, and dream quality to inspire your kin as well as all of us.

Godspeed!

Love and Hugs,

Jen

pain/tears/silence by darkroom11

I think I repeat patterns for many reasons.

1. Habit of not working hard, like easy roads with clear outcomes.
2. Nearly masochistic enjoyment when my heart does the same things over and over again to hurt myself.
3. Archetypes that are innumerable and help me be the clown, wounded child, and lonely hearts club member, to name but a few repeating themes.

Other fun stuff on my mind this week is that I have way too many interests, shiny things that catch my attention or desire. Choosing a path or a select few that hold my passion and love and will give me stability in all areas of life is a super challenge for me. Good to be creative and interested, bad if I am stuck in a corner worrying what to paint, to love, to write, and to act in a directive manner.

This weekend I was spending time with two good friends. I was inspired Saturday night and wrote numerous poems at their house and wrote many more Sunday and Monday. So I was productive and had fun. Go Figure?

I realize all-or-nothing thinking is always dangerous and, I know I need focus in desired dreams in order to reach them. Be it love, work, connection to the whole of life and health of mind, body, and spirit.

As a little girl I didn’t worry so much about choice of career or purpose. I had a talk show. I would dance, do gymnastics on my bed, I would interview imaginary people with my tape player, I would sing, I ran around wanting to be everything, loved being goofy and imaginative. My mom suggested I be a hairdresser or teacher. Yuck, I always scoffed. I just wanted people to laugh or enjoy what show I was doing. I was giving many a performance to an imaginary audience or my mom, nana, or brother. Man, I wish I could recapture what that little girl had.

I’m realizing now at 31 years old that I have a whole lot of life left to make my dreams happen even when I feel so hopeless and feel I haven’t fully given any of my true dreams a shot. Feeling as if I couldn’t do whatever it is my heart wants me to sing. I desire many things before I die in this lifetime, many just having to do with loving the people I ensconce myself with and those I would love to touch in the future with my own unique spirit.

I am very close to my silly happy-go-lucky side as well as my self-loathing pain-filled side. I know it’s OK to love both but my love of my pain or consistent internal suffering isn’t productive for a loving, generous, compassionate, and meaningful life. Does make for great art of any substance though!

I look to my friends, family, and spirit to guide me so I can share my love with others as well as with myself.

Suggestions?

Love and Hugs,

Jen