Spiritual Endeavor

Old Scars, New Wounds: by ashley.adcox

We all have raised boo-boos when it comes to forgiveness. We have felt hurt, betrayed, unloved, uncared for—blah, blah, blah. Really we all have wounds; some seem deeper than others, some are made deeper by the whining about them. Through time and counseling we can still hold on to the anger, sadness, and victim mentality; the feeling that they don’t deserve to get off the hook for the “incident.” I have to say for myself that even though the feeling has lessened over the years, there are people I worked for that hold a dark place in my heart. I guess this doesn’t show me being a beacon of Spirit and Light. LOL At least I am consciously trying to give up my entitlement to old ghosts of those experiences or of childhood. Always with the childhood. Hahah.

We all know the power of forgiveness. It is something that can lift a trunk full of stones and rocks from our backs. How do we get there? Sheesh, damn if I know. LOL I think there is a time when that trunk no longer matches the other luggage you are carrying and you are ready to cast it off. Sometimes it takes time but usually an acceptance and forward movement is needed for forgiveness to take hold. Sometimes it’s simply being OK that your plans weren’t as good as God/Universe’s plan is for you. Even though the journey may be rough and bumpy, where you are going is far more enjoyable. There were many men I put stock in who were clearly not for me but I purchased the ticket anyway. That journey got me here. Jobs that suck out your soul but for a purpose you may or may not later discover. The process of letting go of the pain or anger is as hard as giving up a favorite menu item. It’s a comforting friend, solace in knowing the devil you know verses the one that may or may not be around the corner.

The letting go may take many steps like screaming, raging, crying, numbness, need for validation, a pulpit that says you were wronged! At some point there is a time when these rocks get too heavy and you don’t want them anymore. That is the time when release and forgiveness can come in. Prayer, meditation, writing, drawing are all great but you need to make room in the heart and mind to let Grace, Peace, and Unconditional Love to move in. That spot in your heart where that “incident” happened just needs a smidgen of God’s good stuff to get in and clean the crevices like the Merry Maid service does. At a price that is just right!

Life is ongoing. There will be many more events, people, things to forgive and hopefully be forgiven for. I am ready to move on and make space for more of the good. Forgiveness is never about them, the so-called violators. It’s about giving ourselves freedom, letting the Universe take care of the residual karma. We can’t see the whole picture but the Universe can. No justifications needed. Not forgiving hurts us way more than it hurts others. Be good to yourself. You deserve it!

Hugs,
Jen

Next time I will have a lighter topic but I was floored moments ago as my friend on myspace and his fascination with death and my own morbid curiosity about a story on the gardian.co.uk about Life before Death called to me. The fact my mom has been “dead” for 3 years this summer brought my need to emote what is going on in my heart now. This is one of the most poetic, poignant and heart wrenching photo collections I have seen. My friend blogged about this site and it inspired tears. To see the pain, loneliness and sadness of a life cut short, a life not fully lived and life full of disappointment. It pains me to say that my own experiences with death were dealt with as if something to move on from or circumstance and faith that all is ok for them. Yet I am haunted of my Mom, Nana and others close to my heart on their journey Home and their own feelings that they may have had. Then the realization that you too will be inevitably be one of them and hopefully with more expressed love, less loneliness and more life fully lived at least this go around. Amazed and grateful for the truth of death. This place beyond, so scary for most of us who can not see beyond the darkness. A place where one wishes for butterflies and rainbows and love of unimaginable possibility. To be able to hold and fully take in the person whom you love who has gone over the rainbow bridge would be incredible. Yet even with undying faith and a knowing that there is “something” beyond it never takes the stinging bitters out of the place where love lies inside.

Death is inspiring but will be pitiful if I don’t do all, be all and love all as if everyday was my last breathing moment. Randy Pausch whom I adore and is living and dying of Pancreatic Cancer. Really opitimizes the bittersweetness of life. Unfair or not, purpose from God or cruel joke this man lives and breathes like he means it. This professor of life even before his diagnosis, I believe lived with the grace of life’s truth of living to the fullest. Having great parents and people who molded him into someone that never stopped believing in his life or dreams. For one second to think we have the luxury for self pity or self absorption we are sorely missing the point on why we are here on Earth at all. I feel so much for his wife and children as they even with the beauty of his life will feel that tang of pain that comes with such a loss. I pray that they don’t have to endure the pain but alas even with his survival there there will come a time when they and all of us will be touched by the sharpness of the moment when a loved one passes on. If we are lucky we will have inspired such anguish as a testament and reward of having given all of our love out by the time we leave.

Love always,
Jen

Stability is funny. I look at stability as something one makes for themselves with the people and things they surround themselves with. My own journey to stability has been a process. My childhood was riddled with endless moves, I mean seriously, 18 times before my 18th birthday and I was no Army Brat. I had quite a lot of anxiety as a kid. We never had a lot of money so meals were inventive and filled with Taylor Ham and Mac and Cheese. I was so tense as a kid and had a feeling that we would have a fire and loose everything. I used to wear my clothes to bed in fear I would lose everything and nothing left. Ironic because when I was 12 the shoe dropped again in my life and all I had was what I was wearing when me and my mom were homeless in Florida. Please don’t pity me, even though it was tough and sucky for a kid to go through, I know what I value in life due to these experiences.

As an adult I own very few things possibly because I fear that at any moment I may move or some natural disaster will take it all away. Or really the fact is I know that I own things but they do not own me. I used to be OBSESSED with magazines so much so from about 1991 to 2007 I would take my articles (even those of which I never read) with me from every move. They were like my security blanket of control. I know metaphysically I have control of my life but for much of life I gave my environment and external stuff power to give me a sense of control and stability. Hence we all love rituals and the familiar corner Shop Rite or Dunkin Donuts to make us feel like we are home. Thank God for an Ice coffee with mocha swirl syrup and moo! A reason why I liked Catholicism so much is for its architecture and design for ritual.

Currently I don’t need things to make me feel stable but enjoy them to enhance my life. That is probably why I only own what I can fit into a small bedroom. I will probably be a bohemian vagabond for life even if I have a central home life and responsibilities for the rest of my years. Wanderlust will always be inside me and possessions will just be toys to play with. Shoes! Lets get um!

My life is provided stability by the relationships of love and friendship that I have. No matter what, I know there are a select few that if the ship went down they would go down with me gleefully. Well at least we would be supporting and laughing each other during the trails of the day. I loved my mom and although it was inordinately tough to deal with her, she still gave all the love she had to me and my brother. Our family journey helped me see that stuff really doesn’t matter as much as the people in your life. Mind you I still love paper products known as books and my poetry and journals. I love my Mac and sometimes a fierce pair of shoes but I know I love my loved ones so much more and would give up all my “stuff” if I had too for them.

I hope your own journey of stability brings you back to what truly matters. People, Books, and furry things of course!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

The Divine, Source, God, The Universe, The highest form of energy in existence, Love are all my definitions of God. Bigger than everything that humans can imagine or fathom. I know that God loves everything ever created, larger like a Universe and smaller than a quarks and leptons for all those physics lovers. Love as a bigger concept, not only human love, romantic or even mother/child love but that of the highest vibrational energy within the Universe. This love at a practical and smaller frame of reference is how we treat ourselves, (manifestations of God), and how we treat others (other manifestations of God, People, Things, Matter, Earth, Plants) For our purposes lets keep this discussion around the planet known as Earth. Save the Empire! LOL

To label God limits the Truth of ALL THAT IS. As Kierkegaard stated “If you label me you negate me.” The label emits an idea that gets fixed in the mind as if God HAS TO BE a certain way. In that sense when we label God, Man or Mother/Father we miss all the parts of God we aren’t seeing. This concept is so much more than a man named Jesus if you are so inclined, or a man in the sky that looks at us with love, IT is so much more than a humanistic view. God can not be contained nor should IT. Every person on Earth even those whom people call evil have a piece of God or Spirit in them. Most times those who harm others are just living their ego needs and not seeing the bigger picture where everything one does, thinks, feels effects every person and thing vibrationally. If they really had true knowledge on how Awesome their power to effect is, they might think twice about doing harm.

Perfection is not the goal here or else life would get pretty boring. However, learning and growing not to be in ego and to think from a HIGHER Loving perspective is. By trying to see how we create in the broad and small in our world we can move more into a God-Like existence.

Taking this another step further to self love. I can speak for the many times I do not honor my own self and how I have treated myself poorly. I have treated myself like someone I didn’t like. This is in fact crazy, but many of us do it all the time. Sometimes without a thought and sometimes with intent to harm ourselves. My own journey has taken me from care taker of others, binge eater, self loather and not owning my emotions and likes for fear of rejection. This life is a process and although I am more well adjusted and “healthy” than I have been, life still tests my self love everyday.

As my transformation continutes I hope to inspire or let others know they are never alone!

Love and Hugs,
Jen

I come from the school of thought that all paths lead to God. My mom had always given me choice when it came to my personal spirituality. Mind you, I am sure from just being her daughter I was apt to be more open than the next cat, as she studied and challenged her own beliefs at a deafening pace. I was given the opportunity at very young age say 5 or 6, to pick and choose for myself. My mom understood the premium of free will and the strong importance it was to teach choice. I was offered a chance at going to Sunday School, I took it. A woman my Mom knew was taking me. That didn’t last very long, as the woman died, and it was on to the next spiritual endeavor. I was exposed to many philosophies Christianity primarily Protestant and Catholicism, Gnostic and Essene teachings, Eckankar, Transcendental Meditation, Yoga, Science of Mind, and later on via my brother and other channels, Zen and Tibetan philosophies in Buddhism, Hinduism and Jewish Kabbalah and Metaphysics.

Needless to say I had a lot to choose from. At times these opportunities of choice were a blessing and curse. Some years all I wanted was a institution or a set of rules to follow to make me feel more connected, to have a sense of belonging or even a feeling of righteousness. At times I was comforted knowing that the meat of God was always accessible within my soul and not by teachings that didn’t resonate truth for me. I now appreciate and feel connected more by being challenged by all my experiences and my personal quest into the feeling universe. For me, the dogma aspect of religions mask the truth behind the original teachings. I do think religion and institutions have their place but I do not think that God says one doorway or access point to me or I will delete you from my “Heart”. That doesn’t compute for me! My beliefs are based in trial and error, faith as well as, study. I am a believer that every piece of energy (the space in between the energy, as well) in the universe is a subsection of God, Consciousness or Source. Whatever label you want to put on it, it is All There Is. I am happy to know that I am a speckle in this wondrous outcrop of physical reality. This doesn’t take away the fact that I can manifest this energy into a personal God that I can talk to, cry to or even scream at. I also know that God in human experience can barely be fathomed in its Wholeness by the logical mind and I am ok not knowing everything at this moment. Well, at least some of the time

I could go on and on but I will let this simmer.

Love and Hugs
Jen

Full article is from the Orlando Sentinel.

I am starting off by stating at one time I was a full fledged, go to church every Sunday Catholic for a good time in my late teens into my early twenties. I still have a love of Rosary Beads, Jesus, pomp and circumstance and frankincense. I however, for many sociological, moral, and personal reasons don’t believe in the dogma of the Church. So when I read this article about how the Pope wants the teaching of limbo to include the hope that God will give special dispensation for unbaptized babies going to hell. I wanted to laugh and Praise the Lord for real.

Additionally in the article the Rev. Richard McBrien, professor of theology at the University of Notre Dame, states “….we’re left with only one option, namely, that everyone is born in the state of grace.”

Finally someone who speaks my language! My personal belief is that we are all apart of God, the Spirit or soul is in direct connection to God, Source, All That Is, The Universe ect, all of the time… To think God would throw anyone away especially, babies is another way to make people believe in an Unloving God and the connection to said is gone. To feel that for a simple thing like lack of baptism could keep one from God’s love is absurd. The ego and ideas of self disapproval, unworthiness and just plain false information separates us from God and feelings of Unconditional Love that is in constant flow to everyone all the time. Many just haven’t tuned in or the haven’t let go of old conditioning.

The world would be a calmer and more peaceful and cooperative place if everyone KNEW and BELIEVED in Unconditional Love.

Think of the love you would show yourself and others if that channel was clear. Wouldn’t you treat your body better? Wouldn’t you say things more sweetly? Wouldn’t you we more grateful and want to express Godness and Goodness everyday? Wouldn’t you have faith in the process and journey of living?
I hope everyone gives themselves a Big Hug and have learned that God Truly Loves You. The energy of the Highest Vibration is Love and by being loving and compassionate to everyone and everything you are loving God and raising the vibration in the world.

Love and Hugs

Jennifer

Endless Love! I am not talking about the Lionel Richie song. Although every time I say the words in my head the tune comes to mind. I am posing about Endless Love because I saw a bumper sticker that I that said Endless War with endless crossed out so it to say End this War. This got me thinking about turning the bumper sticker to say Endless Love!

One of the great laws of the universe is You get what you focus on. When you think about something (especially with strong feeling) like attracts like. I am always up for a funny or thoughtful anecdote on a cars rear but this sign got me thinking about a well known story about Mother Teresa–now stay with me. Mother Teresa was asked to attend an anti-war rally. She said no but said if there is a Peace rally she would be on board. She knew the universal law. She didn’t want more war, she wanted more Peace. She was a fine example of teaching the path to the evolution of the soul and us here on this wonderful blue planet. I would say if you want more good stuff (love, peace) you need to focus on what is loving and peaceful in your life first and that will have a domino effect. That doesn’t mean lie to yourself but change your thinking to the more positive higher thought. For example: say you fell and broke your leg, don’t pretend and say well all is right I don’t feel pain and I am healthy. Get yourself to a doctor stat. What it means is to honor the feelings you are having whatever they are (sadness, frustration, worry, pain) then let go of them don’t focus on them for hours, days, weeks or years. Focus on the good stuff- I am healing and healthy. I am breathing and now that that is over let me have a laugh with my friends or with myself. Focus on the good stuff for days and weeks and let the not so good stuff roll off your back. If the bad stuff keeps coming up in your head, say to your self ok I accept that feeling or thought now and reach for a happy, positive thought. Say to the negative junk I gave you your time now its Feeling Good’s turn.

I hope you all feel the Endless Love I am sending you and Hope you have a joyful and fun day.

Love and Hugs,
Jennifer