Spiritual Endeavor

Old Scars, New Wounds: by ashley.adcox

We all have raised boo-boos when it comes to forgiveness. We have felt hurt, betrayed, unloved, uncared for—blah, blah, blah. Really we all have wounds; some seem deeper than others, some are made deeper by the whining about them. Through time and counseling we can still hold on to the anger, sadness, and victim mentality; the feeling that they don’t deserve to get off the hook for the “incident.” I have to say for myself that even though the feeling has lessened over the years, there are people I worked for that hold a dark place in my heart. I guess this doesn’t show me being a beacon of Spirit and Light. LOL At least I am consciously trying to give up my entitlement to old ghosts of those experiences or of childhood. Always with the childhood. Hahah.

We all know the power of forgiveness. It is something that can lift a trunk full of stones and rocks from our backs. How do we get there? Sheesh, damn if I know. LOL I think there is a time when that trunk no longer matches the other luggage you are carrying and you are ready to cast it off. Sometimes it takes time but usually an acceptance and forward movement is needed for forgiveness to take hold. Sometimes it’s simply being OK that your plans weren’t as good as God/Universe’s plan is for you. Even though the journey may be rough and bumpy, where you are going is far more enjoyable. There were many men I put stock in who were clearly not for me but I purchased the ticket anyway. That journey got me here. Jobs that suck out your soul but for a purpose you may or may not later discover. The process of letting go of the pain or anger is as hard as giving up a favorite menu item. It’s a comforting friend, solace in knowing the devil you know verses the one that may or may not be around the corner.

The letting go may take many steps like screaming, raging, crying, numbness, need for validation, a pulpit that says you were wronged! At some point there is a time when these rocks get too heavy and you don’t want them anymore. That is the time when release and forgiveness can come in. Prayer, meditation, writing, drawing are all great but you need to make room in the heart and mind to let Grace, Peace, and Unconditional Love to move in. That spot in your heart where that “incident” happened just needs a smidgen of God’s good stuff to get in and clean the crevices like the Merry Maid service does. At a price that is just right!

Life is ongoing. There will be many more events, people, things to forgive and hopefully be forgiven for. I am ready to move on and make space for more of the good. Forgiveness is never about them, the so-called violators. It’s about giving ourselves freedom, letting the Universe take care of the residual karma. We can’t see the whole picture but the Universe can. No justifications needed. Not forgiving hurts us way more than it hurts others. Be good to yourself. You deserve it!

Hugs,
Jen