Stability tada!

Stability is funny. I look at stability as something one makes for themselves with the people and things they surround themselves with. My own journey to stability has been a process. My childhood was riddled with endless moves, I mean seriously, 18 times before my 18th birthday and I was no Army Brat. I had quite a lot of anxiety as a kid. We never had a lot of money so meals were inventive and filled with Taylor Ham and Mac and Cheese. I was so tense as a kid and had a feeling that we would have a fire and loose everything. I used to wear my clothes to bed in fear I would lose everything and nothing left. Ironic because when I was 12 the shoe dropped again in my life and all I had was what I was wearing when me and my mom were homeless in Florida. Please don’t pity me, even though it was tough and sucky for a kid to go through, I know what I value in life due to these experiences.

As an adult I own very few things possibly because I fear that at any moment I may move or some natural disaster will take it all away. Or really the fact is I know that I own things but they do not own me. I used to be OBSESSED with magazines so much so from about 1991 to 2007 I would take my articles (even those of which I never read) with me from every move. They were like my security blanket of control. I know metaphysically I have control of my life but for much of life I gave my environment and external stuff power to give me a sense of control and stability. Hence we all love rituals and the familiar corner Shop Rite or Dunkin Donuts to make us feel like we are home. Thank God for an Ice coffee with mocha swirl syrup and moo! A reason why I liked Catholicism so much is for its architecture and design for ritual.

Currently I don’t need things to make me feel stable but enjoy them to enhance my life. That is probably why I only own what I can fit into a small bedroom. I will probably be a bohemian vagabond for life even if I have a central home life and responsibilities for the rest of my years. Wanderlust will always be inside me and possessions will just be toys to play with. Shoes! Lets get um!

My life is provided stability by the relationships of love and friendship that I have. No matter what, I know there are a select few that if the ship went down they would go down with me gleefully. Well at least we would be supporting and laughing each other during the trails of the day. I loved my mom and although it was inordinately tough to deal with her, she still gave all the love she had to me and my brother. Our family journey helped me see that stuff really doesn’t matter as much as the people in your life. Mind you I still love paper products known as books and my poetry and journals. I love my Mac and sometimes a fierce pair of shoes but I know I love my loved ones so much more and would give up all my “stuff” if I had too for them.

I hope your own journey of stability brings you back to what truly matters. People, Books, and furry things of course!